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Am I special? Am I different? If I died today would anyone remember me?
No
Is there anyway I can be special, Is there any achievement I can make that would make me feel that I was worthy enough to go out among people with pride and confidence. At this point I have to say no. I don't think that my life will ever amount top anything that will make me proud of myself.
I'm very up and down. I'm so amazingly happy one minute, and then I find myself on the floor crying the next. I'm finding it hard to express exactly what I'm feeling today. But I need to get this off my chest and for people to read it.
I want to be amazing. I want to make a difference. I want for the world to grieve for me when I die. I want attebtion. I want love. I want friendship. I really want friendship, and someone to talk to, someone who understands and won't judge me. But I can't reach out to the people I know. Its not the way I am. So I sit here and tella bunch of anonymous readers my deepest feelings.
How sad is that?
No
Is there anyway I can be special, Is there any achievement I can make that would make me feel that I was worthy enough to go out among people with pride and confidence. At this point I have to say no. I don't think that my life will ever amount top anything that will make me proud of myself.
I'm very up and down. I'm so amazingly happy one minute, and then I find myself on the floor crying the next. I'm finding it hard to express exactly what I'm feeling today. But I need to get this off my chest and for people to read it.
I want to be amazing. I want to make a difference. I want for the world to grieve for me when I die. I want attebtion. I want love. I want friendship. I really want friendship, and someone to talk to, someone who understands and won't judge me. But I can't reach out to the people I know. Its not the way I am. So I sit here and tella bunch of anonymous readers my deepest feelings.
How sad is that?
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I know what you mean.
I tell things on here. But I also (very luckily) have some friends who I can tell everything too. It rules. But then again I don't consider ymself properly 'depressed' or anything like that. I always hope for something more. Whether I work for it or not is a different matter, but I always hope.
I'm sure you don't care, but its just that I think I know what you mean about that feeling - happy, then sad, for inexplicable reasons.
I tell things on here. But I also (very luckily) have some friends who I can tell everything too. It rules. But then again I don't consider ymself properly 'depressed' or anything like that. I always hope for something more. Whether I work for it or not is a different matter, but I always hope.
I'm sure you don't care, but its just that I think I know what you mean about that feeling - happy, then sad, for inexplicable reasons.
Ros, perhaps you should stop thinking that you've lost yourself and think more along the lines that you haven't yet built yourself.
What I mean is that no-one has a set 'self' that they have to stick to. Some call it creating a mask for yourself, some re-inventing yourself, but you are more than just the sum of your parts.
YOU - yes you - can be anything, re-invention is part of the process of life and hardly anybody is the same person as they were 10 years ago. Life experience, relationships, new ideals, all these things change you and if you can control this, they may make you stronger too.
It seems that, despite thinking about whether anyone will remember you when you die, you are looking at the short term, at this moment in time. Everything changes and you will too.
And my own personal feeling is that relationships should be built on trust and honesty, you should be honest, but in the end it is your decision.
What I mean is that no-one has a set 'self' that they have to stick to. Some call it creating a mask for yourself, some re-inventing yourself, but you are more than just the sum of your parts.
YOU - yes you - can be anything, re-invention is part of the process of life and hardly anybody is the same person as they were 10 years ago. Life experience, relationships, new ideals, all these things change you and if you can control this, they may make you stronger too.
It seems that, despite thinking about whether anyone will remember you when you die, you are looking at the short term, at this moment in time. Everything changes and you will too.
And my own personal feeling is that relationships should be built on trust and honesty, you should be honest, but in the end it is your decision.
In all seriousness (hey, I can do that y'know), I think you're evaluating your life.
I think it's good that you're doing it now as opposed to when your 50 and it's too late.
Things seem crap, you feel lost and unhappy.
The hardest thing to do is to have the courage to actively change that, if that's the decision you make.
I used to be introverted, silent around strangers, shy to the point of wanting to be invisible.
And I went through what you are, and came out the other side as Goatboy.
Ok, so I exaggerate it here for comedy effect, but I'm just as outgoing, moronic and puppy-dog eager in life as well.
It's whether you want to change that's the hardest part, and sticking to it.
I think it's good that you're doing it now as opposed to when your 50 and it's too late.
Things seem crap, you feel lost and unhappy.
The hardest thing to do is to have the courage to actively change that, if that's the decision you make.
I used to be introverted, silent around strangers, shy to the point of wanting to be invisible.
And I went through what you are, and came out the other side as Goatboy.
Ok, so I exaggerate it here for comedy effect, but I'm just as outgoing, moronic and puppy-dog eager in life as well.
It's whether you want to change that's the hardest part, and sticking to it.
Just to chuck my two cents into the arena:
Do you seek to be special because you think it'll make you happy?
Or is it more of a direct priority?
Or a bit of both?
Do you seek to be special because you think it'll make you happy?
Or is it more of a direct priority?
Or a bit of both?
My life is fine. I have a small job which i enjoy, I have the writing talent to make it as a journalist one of these days and I have a girlfriend well into a fashion designing career to mooch off of.
Life is good..
Life is good..
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