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"Life and the boredom it brings"

Whats wrong with me?

I can't find contentment, and worse, I what it is in my life that is wrong.

I used to believe that all we had to do was to put our faith in God. I used to believe that I had a space inside me that was God shaped, and that when I truely believed in God I would be Happy. I don't believe so any more. I've been deluding myself. There is no god, and if there is a god, there is no love for me.

I thought that being in love would make me happy. When I was younger I would stare at myself in the mirror and think to myself, If only somebody would kiss me I would be happy forever. If only someone loved me I would be vindicated in this life.

I found someone to love me. So why am I crying everyday. Why do I get bored even when my love is with me. He doesn't make me happy, I make him sad. I make him desperate because there is nothing he can do to stop me crying.

I'm bored all the time. I have no interest in anything I do. TV, Video games, DVDs, Music, Books. I buy and buy in the hope that one of these things will lift my boredom, give me a purpose, and for a time I find a new game or TV seris, or a book that distracts me. 40 hours of Final Fantasy fantasy or Buffy the Vampire Slayer later I'm left with nothing. I've invested my time into a fantasy that isn't real.

So someone please tell me, what are we here for. What is the point in this life. We live and We die. A small handful of us do something worthwhile behind. A mark on the world. But even then we still die. We are still dead, and we have nothing.

When I met my GF she was depressed as her parents had abused her, she used to cry every day for months on end, not be able to sleep for days at a time and used to generally mope about. But there was the odd time that you'd see the real her come through every now and then and that's what made me stay with her. She got over her depression by talking about it and just doing the odd little things that made her happy even for a brief moment. I probably tried to take a lot of it on my shoulders, as it sounds so is The Ogre, but 3 years on she's great it was worth being with her every day she was depressed, just to see how happy she is now. All you need to remember is that theres more people out there than you think, that care about you and will do everything they can to make you feel just a little better, and that with every day that passes, you're that one day closer to being happier.

Depression can be a medical disorder as well, so don't rule that out. Mind you, it depends on how much you trust doctors..

Really, I feel for you without even knowing you. I've been in really depressive states, bringing everyone around me down. I also agree to an extent with what Goatboy says, but that only accounts for some cases, in my case I may have stayed the way I was if it wasn't for one person dragging me out of my depression, quite literally. For that I am eternally grateful to her and it changed my life. Of course, I don't think she quite understands how much of an effect she had, it would be...awkward...now to explain it.

So, my escape was to have someone drag me out, not sympathise but forcefully show me that life was worth living and everything around me could be interesting. It was ok to daydream, to imagine, to live.

I still have problems, still have no money to pay bills at times, still have big fights with the wife, but I hope with all my heart that you find your way out of this and something drags you from this feeling, because I know how much better I am now.

I really think you have misunderstood me Goatboy. I don't take out my feeling on the Ogre. In his own words he finds it hard to cope when I cry, and he can't do anything to cheer me up. We don't fall out, or sit in silence.

Yesterday he held me in his arms while I cried.

Its only recently I have started to feel this way. The Ogre thinks its the tablets I'm on for Arthritis. One of the side affects listed is depression.

I just hope as hard as I can that he doesn't feel the way you do.

I could really do with a fast connection. Bloody 56k. How the hell am I supposed to get all these films like this?

It'd be cool to go hang-gliding. Mm...

FM's purpose in life: Enjoy it while it lasts.

Recipe for above:
Great food
Great games
Great music
Great friends
A cat
A fast internet connection















Oh, and LOTS of sex.

No I do understand, and I'm honestly not having a pop saying "You big meanie" or anything.

I'm in a similar position right now, my girlfriend is relentlessly miserable/unhappy/depressed and I've had enough of trying. There's no closeness, no communication, no warmth. Nothing.
In the space of 5 weeks we've gone from a new couple, happy to see other to a silent, brooding couple that dont speak.
I've turned into my parents and I'll be damned if I'll put up with that.

I've been understanding, I've trodden on eggshells,I've put up with sarcasm and distance because I've been thinking "Well, she's down. She'll be ok".
But ever since the start of the year, it's been like that.
And, at it's most basic? It's not fair on me. Neither is it fair on your boyfriend.
I'm trying everything I can do lift things but nothing.
A peck on the forehead goodnight like I'm an elderly relative or something.
And if I say anything?
"I'm just...I don't know...it's not you, it's me"

That so? Well if you cared even 1 iota then you'd try and not be like that.
Making another person unhappy because you feel down is the worst thing you can do, short of beating them up.
You extinguish the life and light from your partner and then wonder why resentment and bitterness creeps in slowly and gradually until one day you realise you dont talk anymore and time is spent waiting for something that you cant put your finger on.

No way to live

Me and Katie broke up because we're basically not ready for such a serious relationship. We're both immature, and well, I was pretty much the same way you're feeling now, Ros.

What you need to understand, is that the way you think, and the way you do things, is the way you are. You need, to completely and utterly, accept yourself. I'm actually beginning to this now, it's quite... interesting.

I'm needy, I always look for the quick way out to everything, I jazz everything up if I try to tell people how I feel... poetry, etc.

I need to be encouraged to do things, most of the time. I'm a skinny little runt, and well, I do tend to try and be in control if things are going wrong.

I get depressed a lot at my situation, but I know that will go eventually. I know I'll change a lot, but some things will remain the same. I'm always maturing, but the most important thing to realise is that you're really, really immature. So don't trust yourself, because you don't really know yourself.

It'll take time, you'll get there, as will I someday, heh. But in the meantime, the best thing you can do is accept everything for face value, and start enjoying life.

Enjoy life is a bit vague... I always find that I enjoy life more when I'm affected by emotion... and well, it's great to be affected in those ways.

I'm learning to play the guitar, that's really cool. I love the sounds I make... can't write music or anything... yet... but well, I only know four coords. I can play some Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin. Really slowly, but still.

I'm actually really happy. :0) I went to a peace march two days ago, I'm going to a lan on Wednesday, I'm going to PLAY FOOTBALL! Which I haven't done in far too long. I'm pathetic at football, but it's just so much fun.

Just... accept yourself. Accept yourself and accept others for who they are. And make sure you see not just their good sides, but their really crap sides too.

*shrug* Just how I feel at the moment, don't take my words as truth.

Goatboy wrote:
> You're not happy with your boyfriend? Leave. Dont put him through
> misery because you dont know who you are yet.

You've got it wrong. I Love him, I don't think anyone could make me happy right now. But at least he tries, and really hes one of the only things that keeps me going sometimes.

You could be right about me putting him through misery though. Sometimes I think it would be better if I became a hermit.

Magic not meaning. Inject life with magic in thought, word and deed. That's my philosophy.

Trying to find lasting meaning in things is a pointless waste of time - because ultimately it isn't there. Even God on his big cloud in the sky can't answer the question: 'Why?'.

Man: Why did you create the universe?
God: Urm, dunno really. I just had an orgasm and something weird happened.

And happiness, well, would you really want to be blissfully happy all the time? That would downright nauseating....

And emptiness, life IS at it's core - empty. But we become more free and powerful when we just accept this, and when we realize that we can fill the empty cup of life with whatever we so desire. The imagination is the soul.

Life is to be lived, we're just here because.. thats how it is. So lets enjoy the time that is given to us. God is a dream (no offence to anyone), but he makes life bearable when its bad because of the thought of living on after death in bliss. If you dont believe in him (or her), then the world is your lobster as it is even if you do. Just live dont ponder on the bad things - find something good and exploit it.