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Please bear with me - this is going to be a long one!
Relationships!
I've only ever loved one girl. I met her in 1981 when I was ten, and she was nine. I lived in London, my aunts and uncles lived in Northampton. I used to come up to Northampton with my parents during school holidays, and that's when I first saw her.
She lived in the row of houses behind my aunt's house, and I felt something for her the very first time I saw her. Maybe not love, as I was only ten - but definitely... something.
I got to know her, we became friends; then I used to come up to Northampton for every school holiday, and we'd spend all our time together. Eventually it grew into more than friendship, and became a 'long distance' relationship. Then, my parents decided to move to Northampton. Not because of my relationship with this girl, but because of a number of other reasons. This was just before my 16th birthday, and as you can guess, it was great for me.
The relationship continued for a while, then we went through a series of break-ups and make-ups, but the relationship was 'on' more than it was 'off'. Then in 1993, I asked her to marry me. It wasn't going to be an imminent wedding - we both agreed that it would be a long engagement, but we wanted to show the world a serious commitment.
Things went great, and we booked a holiday abroad in 1996. About a month before we were due to go away, she suddenly broke it to me that the relationship wasn't working and she didn't know if she loved me any more. Wanted to be friends, and so on. Evidently things hadn't been going quite as well as they appeared to be, and I was devastated. I'd have happily given life and limb for this girl, and she just ripped my heart out.
For various reasons (not least of which was that neither of us wanted to lose the £600-plus we'd each paid out), we decided to go ahead with the holiday. It was okay - friendly, if a little strained at times, but far from the romantic fortnight in the sun I'd been looking forward to when we booked. I went out of my way to be nice on the holiday - I suppose hoping that somehow I'd get her to change her mind.
But it didn't work. After we got back, I saw her maybe two or three times more, and that was it. I sent her a letter explaining my feelings, which she complained about, saying that it was unfair making her feel bad about the situation; and I was told later by her step-mum that she'd also torn up all the photos she had of me and her together, both from the holiday and all those from the times before.
That was in October 1996, and I've not seen or heard from her since. I've seen her step-mum a few times, and she's always nice enough - she blames my ex totally, for everything. As far as I know, so do her father, step-brother and step-sister - all of whom have been nothing but nice to me whenever I've run into them.
Shortly after we split, I heard that she'd taken up with some fat older guy, who'd left his wife and kids. More recently (two months ago) I heard that she'd just started a relationship with some new guy.
Since we split up, there has been no-one else in my life. The only thing even approaching a romantic involvement was a quick smooch outside a nightclub with a girl I used to work with. I suppose I just sort of shut down emotionally after the split. I've never really looked to find anyone else, because I just couldn't be bothered. Not that I'm still hung up on her, you understand - it took me quite some time to get over it, but in every way, I've been perfectly happy with living the single life.
Now here's the killer!
In the post on Thursday morning came a letter in a plain brown envelope, with my name and address hand-written on the front. As I've been doing a fair bit of trading on eBay, I thought nothing of it at first - probably just another cheque from someone. But when I turned it over to open it, there were some markings on the back that were familiar - nothing special, just some lines across the flap.
It was familiar because, when we were kids living sixty miles apart, we used to write to each other, and we made these marks on the envelopes to 'make sure' that no-one had opened the letters. It flashed through my mind, but I thought nothing of it other than a coincidence - after all, what interest would she have in sending me a letter after six years?
But shock horror - it is from her. Or at least I think it is. Let me explain some more...
The letter says that she still loves me after all this time, that she made a mistake and wishes we'd never broken up. It also says that she knows it's too late for us now, but she wants me to know that she's always thinking of me, and that she does 'truly' love me, and ends with a stack of 'kisses'.
The only thing is, it's not signed. The writing does look like hers, pretty much. And there's things we used to put on Xmas/Birthday cards for each other as kids - you know, "Me 4 You" and hearts with arrows through them, etc. But where her initials would be, there are just ?'s. There are also some other symbols which only she and I would know about. At the top, it appears that whoever sent it wrote a phone number, but this has been comprehensively crossed out, and I can't tell what it is.
So I'm left wondering about three possibilities.
Option 1: It's nothing at all to do with her, and is someone's idea of a sick joke. But I know of no-one else who would know these little symbols that we used to write, which had meaning only to us.
Option 2: It's her own idea of a sick joke - maybe dreamed up with a friend or something, for a laugh at my expense. But why, after all this time? I've quite deliberately never enquired after her with any of her family - she wanted to be left alone, and that's exactly what I did. There shouldn't be any animosity (other than maybe from me!), particularly after all this time, as she's the one who dumped me. Even so, when it would be blatantly obvious who it's from, what's the reasoning behind not signing it, and using ?'s in place of her initials?
Option 3: It is from her, and it is genuine. If so - why not sign it, and why use ?'s in place of her initials? And why provide no method of contact?
They're the only options I can think of, and none of them really make any sense.
Now my best friend asked me a while ago what I'd do if my ex ever showed up wanting to get back together, and I said that I wouldn't be interested. I did say, though, that I'd have no objections to just being a casual friend to her, as I've long since moved on from the anger that I felt at the time.
And I stand by that. I think I will always have some kind of feeling for this girl, but even after receiving this letter, I have no interest in getting back into a relationship with her. Quite simply, there is no way I could trust her again as far as my heart and emotions are concerned. I've changed since then - built up a wall to protect myself, and I don't plan on letting her in to hurt me again. Casual friendship I could take easily, but no more.
So now we come to my possible responses.
Option 1: I just ignore it, forget about it, see if anything else happens and deal with it if/when it does.
Option 2: I drop a note in to her dad/step-mum, explaining about the letter. I could get them to pass on the message that I'd be willing to speak to her if that's what she wanted, but if it's a joke, to stop wasting my time and her money on postage.
So - what would YOU do?
By asking her, she may think that you want to get back with her, because that's what she may be hoping.
(You'll get some more wise words tomorrow, I need sleep now. :D )
If I were you I would pass a message through her parents (ie a letter explaining the situation, your hesitations about whether it is a fake etc) and just she if she fancies a meal to catch up.
I recently wrote to an old flame from university basically because it is a couple of years since I have seen her and we always got on very well after we split up. Unfortunately she hasn't replied which leaves me thinking that either:
(a) She has recieved the letter and cast it aside. Maybe thinking that the past should remain the past or
(b) She has moved since I last saw her and has never got the letter.
I don't really want to write another because that may seem like stalking to her if she has done option (a) but I really would like to catch up and option (b) may have occurred.
So, Wookie, write to her via her parents and arrange to go for a drink before Xmas. You could even write and not mention the letter, simply making out you are looking up old friends before Christmas. I suppose you could send a Christmas card to her with seasonal greetings and your phone number at the bottom with "Fancy meeting up for a beer?" as well.
I don't think it would do much harm to reply and you never though, things might be different and you could both find a future together. People do change as they grow up.
Best of luck whatever you decide!
good luck whatever you do though :-D
If it's fake, whoever sent it must know your ex well enough to get those secret codes out of her.
If it's real, the balls in your court. Take the trophy. Reach for the sky. Etc...
> Maybe she's using the ?? as a way of playfully keeping you guessing?
Who knows?! Maybe one of these days, us guys will figure women out?
One thing I forgot to add regarding Option 2 is - do I do that and risk having her laugh at me if it is a sick joke? Or do I just rise above it and let her have her twisted fun, without caring?
Thanks for your input, anyway! :-)
Those 2 options you spoke about? Option two seems to be the most sensible and logical of the two.
It does seem weird why you'd get a letter like that.
Maybe she's using the ?? as a way of playfully keeping you guessing?
Please bear with me - this is going to be a long one!
Relationships!
I've only ever loved one girl. I met her in 1981 when I was ten, and she was nine. I lived in London, my aunts and uncles lived in Northampton. I used to come up to Northampton with my parents during school holidays, and that's when I first saw her.
She lived in the row of houses behind my aunt's house, and I felt something for her the very first time I saw her. Maybe not love, as I was only ten - but definitely... something.
I got to know her, we became friends; then I used to come up to Northampton for every school holiday, and we'd spend all our time together. Eventually it grew into more than friendship, and became a 'long distance' relationship. Then, my parents decided to move to Northampton. Not because of my relationship with this girl, but because of a number of other reasons. This was just before my 16th birthday, and as you can guess, it was great for me.
The relationship continued for a while, then we went through a series of break-ups and make-ups, but the relationship was 'on' more than it was 'off'. Then in 1993, I asked her to marry me. It wasn't going to be an imminent wedding - we both agreed that it would be a long engagement, but we wanted to show the world a serious commitment.
Things went great, and we booked a holiday abroad in 1996. About a month before we were due to go away, she suddenly broke it to me that the relationship wasn't working and she didn't know if she loved me any more. Wanted to be friends, and so on. Evidently things hadn't been going quite as well as they appeared to be, and I was devastated. I'd have happily given life and limb for this girl, and she just ripped my heart out.
For various reasons (not least of which was that neither of us wanted to lose the £600-plus we'd each paid out), we decided to go ahead with the holiday. It was okay - friendly, if a little strained at times, but far from the romantic fortnight in the sun I'd been looking forward to when we booked. I went out of my way to be nice on the holiday - I suppose hoping that somehow I'd get her to change her mind.
But it didn't work. After we got back, I saw her maybe two or three times more, and that was it. I sent her a letter explaining my feelings, which she complained about, saying that it was unfair making her feel bad about the situation; and I was told later by her step-mum that she'd also torn up all the photos she had of me and her together, both from the holiday and all those from the times before.
That was in October 1996, and I've not seen or heard from her since. I've seen her step-mum a few times, and she's always nice enough - she blames my ex totally, for everything. As far as I know, so do her father, step-brother and step-sister - all of whom have been nothing but nice to me whenever I've run into them.
Shortly after we split, I heard that she'd taken up with some fat older guy, who'd left his wife and kids. More recently (two months ago) I heard that she'd just started a relationship with some new guy.
Since we split up, there has been no-one else in my life. The only thing even approaching a romantic involvement was a quick smooch outside a nightclub with a girl I used to work with. I suppose I just sort of shut down emotionally after the split. I've never really looked to find anyone else, because I just couldn't be bothered. Not that I'm still hung up on her, you understand - it took me quite some time to get over it, but in every way, I've been perfectly happy with living the single life.
Now here's the killer!
In the post on Thursday morning came a letter in a plain brown envelope, with my name and address hand-written on the front. As I've been doing a fair bit of trading on eBay, I thought nothing of it at first - probably just another cheque from someone. But when I turned it over to open it, there were some markings on the back that were familiar - nothing special, just some lines across the flap.
It was familiar because, when we were kids living sixty miles apart, we used to write to each other, and we made these marks on the envelopes to 'make sure' that no-one had opened the letters. It flashed through my mind, but I thought nothing of it other than a coincidence - after all, what interest would she have in sending me a letter after six years?
But shock horror - it is from her. Or at least I think it is. Let me explain some more...
The letter says that she still loves me after all this time, that she made a mistake and wishes we'd never broken up. It also says that she knows it's too late for us now, but she wants me to know that she's always thinking of me, and that she does 'truly' love me, and ends with a stack of 'kisses'.
The only thing is, it's not signed. The writing does look like hers, pretty much. And there's things we used to put on Xmas/Birthday cards for each other as kids - you know, "Me 4 You" and hearts with arrows through them, etc. But where her initials would be, there are just ?'s. There are also some other symbols which only she and I would know about. At the top, it appears that whoever sent it wrote a phone number, but this has been comprehensively crossed out, and I can't tell what it is.
So I'm left wondering about three possibilities.
Option 1: It's nothing at all to do with her, and is someone's idea of a sick joke. But I know of no-one else who would know these little symbols that we used to write, which had meaning only to us.
Option 2: It's her own idea of a sick joke - maybe dreamed up with a friend or something, for a laugh at my expense. But why, after all this time? I've quite deliberately never enquired after her with any of her family - she wanted to be left alone, and that's exactly what I did. There shouldn't be any animosity (other than maybe from me!), particularly after all this time, as she's the one who dumped me. Even so, when it would be blatantly obvious who it's from, what's the reasoning behind not signing it, and using ?'s in place of her initials?
Option 3: It is from her, and it is genuine. If so - why not sign it, and why use ?'s in place of her initials? And why provide no method of contact?
They're the only options I can think of, and none of them really make any sense.
Now my best friend asked me a while ago what I'd do if my ex ever showed up wanting to get back together, and I said that I wouldn't be interested. I did say, though, that I'd have no objections to just being a casual friend to her, as I've long since moved on from the anger that I felt at the time.
And I stand by that. I think I will always have some kind of feeling for this girl, but even after receiving this letter, I have no interest in getting back into a relationship with her. Quite simply, there is no way I could trust her again as far as my heart and emotions are concerned. I've changed since then - built up a wall to protect myself, and I don't plan on letting her in to hurt me again. Casual friendship I could take easily, but no more.
So now we come to my possible responses.
Option 1: I just ignore it, forget about it, see if anything else happens and deal with it if/when it does.
Option 2: I drop a note in to her dad/step-mum, explaining about the letter. I could get them to pass on the message that I'd be willing to speak to her if that's what she wanted, but if it's a joke, to stop wasting my time and her money on postage.
So - what would YOU do?