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Okay, I'm not exactly asking for advice here - just opinions, thoughts, etc.
Please bear with me - this is going to be a long one!
Relationships!
I've only ever loved one girl. I met her in 1981 when I was ten, and she was nine. I lived in London, my aunts and uncles lived in Northampton. I used to come up to Northampton with my parents during school holidays, and that's when I first saw her.
She lived in the row of houses behind my aunt's house, and I felt something for her the very first time I saw her. Maybe not love, as I was only ten - but definitely... something.
I got to know her, we became friends; then I used to come up to Northampton for every school holiday, and we'd spend all our time together. Eventually it grew into more than friendship, and became a 'long distance' relationship. Then, my parents decided to move to Northampton. Not because of my relationship with this girl, but because of a number of other reasons. This was just before my 16th birthday, and as you can guess, it was great for me.
The relationship continued for a while, then we went through a series of break-ups and make-ups, but the relationship was 'on' more than it was 'off'. Then in 1993, I asked her to marry me. It wasn't going to be an imminent wedding - we both agreed that it would be a long engagement, but we wanted to show the world a serious commitment.
Things went great, and we booked a holiday abroad in 1996. About a month before we were due to go away, she suddenly broke it to me that the relationship wasn't working and she didn't know if she loved me any more. Wanted to be friends, and so on. Evidently things hadn't been going quite as well as they appeared to be, and I was devastated. I'd have happily given life and limb for this girl, and she just ripped my heart out.
For various reasons (not least of which was that neither of us wanted to lose the £600-plus we'd each paid out), we decided to go ahead with the holiday. It was okay - friendly, if a little strained at times, but far from the romantic fortnight in the sun I'd been looking forward to when we booked. I went out of my way to be nice on the holiday - I suppose hoping that somehow I'd get her to change her mind.
But it didn't work. After we got back, I saw her maybe two or three times more, and that was it. I sent her a letter explaining my feelings, which she complained about, saying that it was unfair making her feel bad about the situation; and I was told later by her step-mum that she'd also torn up all the photos she had of me and her together, both from the holiday and all those from the times before.
That was in October 1996, and I've not seen or heard from her since. I've seen her step-mum a few times, and she's always nice enough - she blames my ex totally, for everything. As far as I know, so do her father, step-brother and step-sister - all of whom have been nothing but nice to me whenever I've run into them.
Shortly after we split, I heard that she'd taken up with some fat older guy, who'd left his wife and kids. More recently (two months ago) I heard that she'd just started a relationship with some new guy.
Since we split up, there has been no-one else in my life. The only thing even approaching a romantic involvement was a quick smooch outside a nightclub with a girl I used to work with. I suppose I just sort of shut down emotionally after the split. I've never really looked to find anyone else, because I just couldn't be bothered. Not that I'm still hung up on her, you understand - it took me quite some time to get over it, but in every way, I've been perfectly happy with living the single life.
Now here's the killer!
In the post on Thursday morning came a letter in a plain brown envelope, with my name and address hand-written on the front. As I've been doing a fair bit of trading on eBay, I thought nothing of it at first - probably just another cheque from someone. But when I turned it over to open it, there were some markings on the back that were familiar - nothing special, just some lines across the flap.
It was familiar because, when we were kids living sixty miles apart, we used to write to each other, and we made these marks on the envelopes to 'make sure' that no-one had opened the letters. It flashed through my mind, but I thought nothing of it other than a coincidence - after all, what interest would she have in sending me a letter after six years?
But shock horror - it is from her. Or at least I think it is. Let me explain some more...
The letter says that she still loves me after all this time, that she made a mistake and wishes we'd never broken up. It also says that she knows it's too late for us now, but she wants me to know that she's always thinking of me, and that she does 'truly' love me, and ends with a stack of 'kisses'.
The only thing is, it's not signed. The writing does look like hers, pretty much. And there's things we used to put on Xmas/Birthday cards for each other as kids - you know, "Me 4 You" and hearts with arrows through them, etc. But where her initials would be, there are just ?'s. There are also some other symbols which only she and I would know about. At the top, it appears that whoever sent it wrote a phone number, but this has been comprehensively crossed out, and I can't tell what it is.
So I'm left wondering about three possibilities.
Option 1: It's nothing at all to do with her, and is someone's idea of a sick joke. But I know of no-one else who would know these little symbols that we used to write, which had meaning only to us.
Option 2: It's her own idea of a sick joke - maybe dreamed up with a friend or something, for a laugh at my expense. But why, after all this time? I've quite deliberately never enquired after her with any of her family - she wanted to be left alone, and that's exactly what I did. There shouldn't be any animosity (other than maybe from me!), particularly after all this time, as she's the one who dumped me. Even so, when it would be blatantly obvious who it's from, what's the reasoning behind not signing it, and using ?'s in place of her initials?
Option 3: It is from her, and it is genuine. If so - why not sign it, and why use ?'s in place of her initials? And why provide no method of contact?
They're the only options I can think of, and none of them really make any sense.
Now my best friend asked me a while ago what I'd do if my ex ever showed up wanting to get back together, and I said that I wouldn't be interested. I did say, though, that I'd have no objections to just being a casual friend to her, as I've long since moved on from the anger that I felt at the time.
And I stand by that. I think I will always have some kind of feeling for this girl, but even after receiving this letter, I have no interest in getting back into a relationship with her. Quite simply, there is no way I could trust her again as far as my heart and emotions are concerned. I've changed since then - built up a wall to protect myself, and I don't plan on letting her in to hurt me again. Casual friendship I could take easily, but no more.
So now we come to my possible responses.
Option 1: I just ignore it, forget about it, see if anything else happens and deal with it if/when it does.
Option 2: I drop a note in to her dad/step-mum, explaining about the letter. I could get them to pass on the message that I'd be willing to speak to her if that's what she wanted, but if it's a joke, to stop wasting my time and her money on postage.
So - what would YOU do?
Please bear with me - this is going to be a long one!
Relationships!
I've only ever loved one girl. I met her in 1981 when I was ten, and she was nine. I lived in London, my aunts and uncles lived in Northampton. I used to come up to Northampton with my parents during school holidays, and that's when I first saw her.
She lived in the row of houses behind my aunt's house, and I felt something for her the very first time I saw her. Maybe not love, as I was only ten - but definitely... something.
I got to know her, we became friends; then I used to come up to Northampton for every school holiday, and we'd spend all our time together. Eventually it grew into more than friendship, and became a 'long distance' relationship. Then, my parents decided to move to Northampton. Not because of my relationship with this girl, but because of a number of other reasons. This was just before my 16th birthday, and as you can guess, it was great for me.
The relationship continued for a while, then we went through a series of break-ups and make-ups, but the relationship was 'on' more than it was 'off'. Then in 1993, I asked her to marry me. It wasn't going to be an imminent wedding - we both agreed that it would be a long engagement, but we wanted to show the world a serious commitment.
Things went great, and we booked a holiday abroad in 1996. About a month before we were due to go away, she suddenly broke it to me that the relationship wasn't working and she didn't know if she loved me any more. Wanted to be friends, and so on. Evidently things hadn't been going quite as well as they appeared to be, and I was devastated. I'd have happily given life and limb for this girl, and she just ripped my heart out.
For various reasons (not least of which was that neither of us wanted to lose the £600-plus we'd each paid out), we decided to go ahead with the holiday. It was okay - friendly, if a little strained at times, but far from the romantic fortnight in the sun I'd been looking forward to when we booked. I went out of my way to be nice on the holiday - I suppose hoping that somehow I'd get her to change her mind.
But it didn't work. After we got back, I saw her maybe two or three times more, and that was it. I sent her a letter explaining my feelings, which she complained about, saying that it was unfair making her feel bad about the situation; and I was told later by her step-mum that she'd also torn up all the photos she had of me and her together, both from the holiday and all those from the times before.
That was in October 1996, and I've not seen or heard from her since. I've seen her step-mum a few times, and she's always nice enough - she blames my ex totally, for everything. As far as I know, so do her father, step-brother and step-sister - all of whom have been nothing but nice to me whenever I've run into them.
Shortly after we split, I heard that she'd taken up with some fat older guy, who'd left his wife and kids. More recently (two months ago) I heard that she'd just started a relationship with some new guy.
Since we split up, there has been no-one else in my life. The only thing even approaching a romantic involvement was a quick smooch outside a nightclub with a girl I used to work with. I suppose I just sort of shut down emotionally after the split. I've never really looked to find anyone else, because I just couldn't be bothered. Not that I'm still hung up on her, you understand - it took me quite some time to get over it, but in every way, I've been perfectly happy with living the single life.
Now here's the killer!
In the post on Thursday morning came a letter in a plain brown envelope, with my name and address hand-written on the front. As I've been doing a fair bit of trading on eBay, I thought nothing of it at first - probably just another cheque from someone. But when I turned it over to open it, there were some markings on the back that were familiar - nothing special, just some lines across the flap.
It was familiar because, when we were kids living sixty miles apart, we used to write to each other, and we made these marks on the envelopes to 'make sure' that no-one had opened the letters. It flashed through my mind, but I thought nothing of it other than a coincidence - after all, what interest would she have in sending me a letter after six years?
But shock horror - it is from her. Or at least I think it is. Let me explain some more...
The letter says that she still loves me after all this time, that she made a mistake and wishes we'd never broken up. It also says that she knows it's too late for us now, but she wants me to know that she's always thinking of me, and that she does 'truly' love me, and ends with a stack of 'kisses'.
The only thing is, it's not signed. The writing does look like hers, pretty much. And there's things we used to put on Xmas/Birthday cards for each other as kids - you know, "Me 4 You" and hearts with arrows through them, etc. But where her initials would be, there are just ?'s. There are also some other symbols which only she and I would know about. At the top, it appears that whoever sent it wrote a phone number, but this has been comprehensively crossed out, and I can't tell what it is.
So I'm left wondering about three possibilities.
Option 1: It's nothing at all to do with her, and is someone's idea of a sick joke. But I know of no-one else who would know these little symbols that we used to write, which had meaning only to us.
Option 2: It's her own idea of a sick joke - maybe dreamed up with a friend or something, for a laugh at my expense. But why, after all this time? I've quite deliberately never enquired after her with any of her family - she wanted to be left alone, and that's exactly what I did. There shouldn't be any animosity (other than maybe from me!), particularly after all this time, as she's the one who dumped me. Even so, when it would be blatantly obvious who it's from, what's the reasoning behind not signing it, and using ?'s in place of her initials?
Option 3: It is from her, and it is genuine. If so - why not sign it, and why use ?'s in place of her initials? And why provide no method of contact?
They're the only options I can think of, and none of them really make any sense.
Now my best friend asked me a while ago what I'd do if my ex ever showed up wanting to get back together, and I said that I wouldn't be interested. I did say, though, that I'd have no objections to just being a casual friend to her, as I've long since moved on from the anger that I felt at the time.
And I stand by that. I think I will always have some kind of feeling for this girl, but even after receiving this letter, I have no interest in getting back into a relationship with her. Quite simply, there is no way I could trust her again as far as my heart and emotions are concerned. I've changed since then - built up a wall to protect myself, and I don't plan on letting her in to hurt me again. Casual friendship I could take easily, but no more.
So now we come to my possible responses.
Option 1: I just ignore it, forget about it, see if anything else happens and deal with it if/when it does.
Option 2: I drop a note in to her dad/step-mum, explaining about the letter. I could get them to pass on the message that I'd be willing to speak to her if that's what she wanted, but if it's a joke, to stop wasting my time and her money on postage.
So - what would YOU do?
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It's like Eminem says:
"You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to flow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime.."
But then he goes on to talk about shooting gays and beating up his wife, so perhaps it's not relevant.
"You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to flow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime.."
But then he goes on to talk about shooting gays and beating up his wife, so perhaps it's not relevant.
Well... cool. Hope nothing goes bad, Wookiee.
And yeah, keep us updated. :0)
And yeah, keep us updated. :0)
you could let the first real girl in your life getaway. Or you can have one shot at her and win her back. the choice is yours
And the most logical thing to do - check the handwriting. If the handwriting is the same as all the old letters you got from her. Then you can work out the authenticity.
If it's typed it's a fake.
If it's typed it's a fake.
See her in person. Nothing; letters, phone calls, e-mails is better than in person. Go see her and actually ask if it was from her. If it was, you can move on from there. If it wasn't, leave, feeling a little wiser.
It can't be a fake from someone else - those trademark things are the kind of things no-one else would know.
And I've never known a girl who would be cruel enough to right one to you to have a laugh.
Investigate it. I would, and I'd be sure in my mind that good things would come.
And I've never known a girl who would be cruel enough to right one to you to have a laugh.
Investigate it. I would, and I'd be sure in my mind that good things would come.
"It's not *you* she wants, it's someone to tell her how great she is and how important she is to them. It just happens that you're available."
Unfortuneatly, that's a trait all too common in women, well, not just women, men too, but most of the girls I know are like that. They're not with you because you're you, they're with you because you tell them that THEY'RE great. Sad, but true
Unfortuneatly, that's a trait all too common in women, well, not just women, men too, but most of the girls I know are like that. They're not with you because you're you, they're with you because you tell them that THEY'RE great. Sad, but true
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> Do keep us updated, won't you?
I'll try!
> And do yo mind if I totally steal this
> story for a book/film I might consider writing sometime? I thought it
> was made-up until I got to the end. I promise I'll name the main
> character WookieeMonster.
It certainly sounds like some kind of drama, doesn't it?
I wouldn't mind at all... though you may want to consider the WookieeMonster bit... ;-p
> Do keep us updated, won't you?
I'll try!
> And do yo mind if I totally steal this
> story for a book/film I might consider writing sometime? I thought it
> was made-up until I got to the end. I promise I'll name the main
> character WookieeMonster.
It certainly sounds like some kind of drama, doesn't it?
I wouldn't mind at all... though you may want to consider the WookieeMonster bit... ;-p
Goatboy wrote:
> It wasnt a criticism as such Wookiee
I understand that, and I respect your input. I'm sorry if I sounded like I was telling you where to stick your opinion - it wasn't intended that way.
I actually value your input, because I'd read your posts about your own situation. I was hoping you'd reply when I made the original post, because I knew you'd give a frank and totally blunt response, which I felt would give me several things to think about.
> It wasnt a criticism as such Wookiee
I understand that, and I respect your input. I'm sorry if I sounded like I was telling you where to stick your opinion - it wasn't intended that way.
I actually value your input, because I'd read your posts about your own situation. I was hoping you'd reply when I made the original post, because I knew you'd give a frank and totally blunt response, which I felt would give me several things to think about.
Definitely one of the more interesting posts I've read on these forums in a while, makes for good reading, seeing everyone's opinions on issues like this. It's good fun to see what makes people tick.
My own opinion? The general consensus so far is that this woman sent the letter out of loneliness, a need to be with someone because life wasn't going her way. It's a basic human need that lays in pretty much everyone to want to be loved by others, it's just stronger in some cases. My guess is she was dumped by someone, needed to feel better about herself and wrote a letter to someone who she knew would give her comfort and acceptance, someone who had loved her previously and would boost her self-confidence. Not knowing this person myself, it could be a genuine need for love, or just an ego-booster, I don't know.
As it happens, you did reply to the letter. Some people have called you a mug, but who's to say that it was a stupid thing to do? From your posts in this thread you seem to be fairly well-adjusted to the situation, and as you said yourself, you've built up a wall and she won't get through it again. If it turns out she is playing you, then you're big enough not to get hurt again, and all the fool for her. But, that said, who's to say you won't be good friends for it? Who's to say it'll end in disaster? Who's to say it has to end in romance? You never know, this person could end up being a very good friend again, stranger things could happen.
If there's one thing in life I'm scared to death of, it's of having the chance to change something for the positive, and passing it up. There's no worse feeling than thinking that good things could have happened to you and you spurned the opportunity. If I was in your position, I think I probably would have done the same thing, and I don't think you're a mug for doing it.
Do keep us updated, won't you? And do yo mind if I totally steal this story for a book/film I might consider writing sometime? I thought it was made-up until I got to the end. I promise I'll name the main character WookieeMonster.
My own opinion? The general consensus so far is that this woman sent the letter out of loneliness, a need to be with someone because life wasn't going her way. It's a basic human need that lays in pretty much everyone to want to be loved by others, it's just stronger in some cases. My guess is she was dumped by someone, needed to feel better about herself and wrote a letter to someone who she knew would give her comfort and acceptance, someone who had loved her previously and would boost her self-confidence. Not knowing this person myself, it could be a genuine need for love, or just an ego-booster, I don't know.
As it happens, you did reply to the letter. Some people have called you a mug, but who's to say that it was a stupid thing to do? From your posts in this thread you seem to be fairly well-adjusted to the situation, and as you said yourself, you've built up a wall and she won't get through it again. If it turns out she is playing you, then you're big enough not to get hurt again, and all the fool for her. But, that said, who's to say you won't be good friends for it? Who's to say it'll end in disaster? Who's to say it has to end in romance? You never know, this person could end up being a very good friend again, stranger things could happen.
If there's one thing in life I'm scared to death of, it's of having the chance to change something for the positive, and passing it up. There's no worse feeling than thinking that good things could have happened to you and you spurned the opportunity. If I was in your position, I think I probably would have done the same thing, and I don't think you're a mug for doing it.
Do keep us updated, won't you? And do yo mind if I totally steal this story for a book/film I might consider writing sometime? I thought it was made-up until I got to the end. I promise I'll name the main character WookieeMonster.
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