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"Crash Bang Wallop What a TV Show"

"It's hotter than the sun"

"He drew a chalk pen1s on the back of my blazer and I got caned for it"

"Back of the net"

[pointing at Lynn's hair] "Is that your mother's money coming through? That's all part of the bereavement dividend. She was quite a heiferlump though, I'd say she was big-hearted but that would be bull****"

"Guess which one of you ladies I'm going to make love to now"

"British roads are among the safest in Europe. But this isn't Britain, [puts on German voice] dis is der Autobahn"

"Get you on the old jeans rule? Nazis! Only with excellent facilities. As had the Nazis"

"This is a petrol station, not the Gulf War. Which is ironically a giant petrol station."

"I use Lynx Africa"

"F***y hair!"

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you missed the funniest TV show ever last night, in I'm Alan Partridge. Make sure you catch it next week.

"This Apple Turnover contains a filling that's about 1000 degrees centigrade. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten hot Bramley apple will squirt out, it could go your way, it could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down."

Brilliant.

It said in the paper that the first episode was a "slow burner" and tonight's is much better!

Incase anyone had forgotton........

10:00 tonight.

No excuses now!

I missed the first episode, luckily it was on BBC Choice though.

Tuned in. Back of the net.

What a funny story.

"Why not go the whole hog and film me being chased down the road by a helicopter in a pair of underpants? That's me in my underpants, not the helicopter. In fact, you'd probably make that too, some weirdo would probably buy a video of a helicopter flying around in a big pair of pants, or an aeroplane in a massive bra having a slash on an airport."

I love how he gets into these sort of conversations.

Call me sad, but I watched the repeat as well. And call me even sadder, but it was just as funny. Typical Alan Partridge, rambling on when he's already made his point, ie "If you wanted a twix I'd shove one up your nose, one in your ear and one up your bum. But that would mean opening another one, and I'm not prepared to do that. In fact I'd use a four-fingered bar. And I'd save one for myself - after washing my hands".

The funniest bits where the "Cashback" and "Back of the net!" moments, especially the way he swivelled when saying it.

I don't have to apologise to you. Big balls! F@nny hair!

Well I have no idea what you lot are on about.

Just read the spoilers, the bit about the skirting board made me laugh.

"Sorry for making you change it six times."

Looks like this series is going to be as good, if not better than the last.

'Release the headmaster' must have been the best quote.

I just laughed from start to finish, it was sooo funny..

*BACK OF THE NET!*

:D