Viewing Thread:
"The official Special Reserve jokes thread"

This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.

Gag away!

Heh

By the way, those were merely 'fat' jokes - no implication there Tony. I've never seen you in real life anyway.

You're so fat you have your own gravitational pull.

You're so fat the sun revolves around you.

Skit:

Your head is so big, your ears are in different time zones.

I hope these are actually cheering you up Tony...... can't see why you are down after seeing your employees everyday. Im sure that alone would bring enough laughs.

;)

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the front of his car smashed in. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.
"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, & neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules & pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."

Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.
"ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."

"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?

"It's running down my leg."

Hercules! wrote:
> During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the United States
> National
> Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ballpoint pen
> to
> write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
> After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was
> developed at a cost of approximately $1 million.
> The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

Heh heh. I knew that one. Wanna know where from? A serious, documentary off TV. Seriously. Its still tarned fun though :D

Two idiots stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots.
After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.
Laying next to each other in hospital, one says to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."
The other idiot replies, "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this parrot-gliding either."