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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
An Ode to bosses everywhere:
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the a$$hole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea it being the Boss. So the a$$hole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the a$$hole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the crap.
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the a$$hole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea it being the Boss. So the a$$hole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the a$$hole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the crap.
genesisofthesith wrote:
> A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a
> female boss who always goes home early.
> "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early
> tomorrow. She'll never know."
>
> So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The
> brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar,
> and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the
> female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her
> normal time.
>
> "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it
> again sometime."
>
> "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
^jokes.com :P
slik ~_~
> A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a
> female boss who always goes home early.
> "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early
> tomorrow. She'll never know."
>
> So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The
> brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar,
> and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the
> female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her
> normal time.
>
> "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it
> again sometime."
>
> "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
^jokes.com :P
slik ~_~
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
$lik wrote:
> Cat On A Hot Tin Roof
>
> A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a
> week. When he came back, he called his brother to see when he could
> pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, "I'm so sorry,
> but while you were away, the cat died."
> The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could have
> broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could
> have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I
> called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and
> the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third
> day, you could have said he had passed away."
>
> The brother thought about it and apologized.
>
> "So how's Mom?" asked the man.
>
> "She's on the roof and won't come down."
>
> slik ~_~
jokes.com joke of the day.
> Cat On A Hot Tin Roof
>
> A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a
> week. When he came back, he called his brother to see when he could
> pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, "I'm so sorry,
> but while you were away, the cat died."
> The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could have
> broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could
> have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I
> called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and
> the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third
> day, you could have said he had passed away."
>
> The brother thought about it and apologized.
>
> "So how's Mom?" asked the man.
>
> "She's on the roof and won't come down."
>
> slik ~_~
jokes.com joke of the day.
geez thinking of clean jokes is difficult......
Getting older is not the problem, feeling older is.
what did the mexican microbiologist shout?
Amoeba, Amoeba!
Amoeba, Amoeba!
Peace! You're meant to be cheering ol' Tony up. Oh, sorry.
Ferrero Rocher wrote:
> Shut up Mystique or I'll set you up with yames
******
Oo you promise?!
> Shut up Mystique or I'll set you up with yames
******
Oo you promise?!
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