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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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"How Annoy Your Roommate"
1. Blast the Phantom of the Opera at midnight and sign along with it at the top of your lungs.
2. Smile at the walls constantly and talk and laugh with them.
3. When he/she says, "Is it hot out?" Look puzzled and put on your winter jacket.
4. Pick up the phone even when it is not ringing.
5. Stare at the mirror and start laughing at it. Hey, laugh really hard ok?
6.Talk to the goldfish about fat cats lurking around. Then laugh aloud, happy that you have scared it.
7. Pretend to be angry and bang the table hard AND loud. Later apologise for the hurt and grief caused to the table. Be sincere and write a letter of apology to the table.
8. Ask him/her the time constantly. Every 5 minutes. All night too.
9. Roll around the room and behave like a cat. Lick yourself and scratch the floor. Play with a ball of yarn and eat only fish. Meow loudly at him/her when he/she talks to you.
10. Buy underpants for him/her and say, "Now we can share!"
1. Blast the Phantom of the Opera at midnight and sign along with it at the top of your lungs.
2. Smile at the walls constantly and talk and laugh with them.
3. When he/she says, "Is it hot out?" Look puzzled and put on your winter jacket.
4. Pick up the phone even when it is not ringing.
5. Stare at the mirror and start laughing at it. Hey, laugh really hard ok?
6.Talk to the goldfish about fat cats lurking around. Then laugh aloud, happy that you have scared it.
7. Pretend to be angry and bang the table hard AND loud. Later apologise for the hurt and grief caused to the table. Be sincere and write a letter of apology to the table.
8. Ask him/her the time constantly. Every 5 minutes. All night too.
9. Roll around the room and behave like a cat. Lick yourself and scratch the floor. Play with a ball of yarn and eat only fish. Meow loudly at him/her when he/she talks to you.
10. Buy underpants for him/her and say, "Now we can share!"
cookie monster wrote:
> Sorry but i couldnt face going back through all the posts.
------
S'ok. I know what you meen! I feel sorry for Snuggly
:D
> Sorry but i couldnt face going back through all the posts.
------
S'ok. I know what you meen! I feel sorry for Snuggly
:D
Cooooool........ me want one! Me want one!
Hercules! wrote:
> And its one classic that ive already posted......
>
> Sorry....
>
> :D
Sorry but i couldnt face going back through all the posts.
> And its one classic that ive already posted......
>
> Sorry....
>
> :D
Sorry but i couldnt face going back through all the posts.
Hercules! wrote:
> "Inventions by Idiots"
> 4) Solar-powered flashlight.
Rich Idiot!
Already been done, stores the light power from the day into a battery! Top seller in America...
> "Inventions by Idiots"
> 4) Solar-powered flashlight.
Rich Idiot!
Already been done, stores the light power from the day into a battery! Top seller in America...
And its one classic that ive already posted......
Sorry....
:D
Sorry....
:D
This one is a classic and has to be posted.
Sherlock Homles and Dr Watson were on a camping trip. They pitched their tent and turned in for the night after a moderate supper by the camp fire. Early that morning Sherlock holmes awoke and sat looking up at the stars. At this point he gave Watson a nudge and asked him to look up at the stars and tell him what he could deduce. Groggily Watson began "I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it is quite likely there are some planets like earth, and if there are a few planets like earth out there there might also be life." To which Holmes replies "Watson you idiot! someone has stolen our tent!".
Sherlock Homles and Dr Watson were on a camping trip. They pitched their tent and turned in for the night after a moderate supper by the camp fire. Early that morning Sherlock holmes awoke and sat looking up at the stars. At this point he gave Watson a nudge and asked him to look up at the stars and tell him what he could deduce. Groggily Watson began "I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it is quite likely there are some planets like earth, and if there are a few planets like earth out there there might also be life." To which Holmes replies "Watson you idiot! someone has stolen our tent!".
After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.
Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you will always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?
God: So you will always want to touch her.
Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?
God: So you will always want to be near her.
Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would love you.
Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you will always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?
God: So you will always want to touch her.
Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?
God: So you will always want to be near her.
Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would love you.
A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."
The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."
The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another miracle. Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."
The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."
The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another miracle. Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
A man walks into a bar, Ouch!
Whars do you do if a bird craps on yer car?
Dont ask her out again
Whars do you do if a bird craps on yer car?
Dont ask her out again
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