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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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The England team's training session was delayed on Wednesday for nearly two hours at Twickenham.
One of the players, while on his way back to the dressing room happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance at the end of the field.
Coach Clive Woodward immediately suspended practice while the Police were called in to investigate.
After a complete field analysis, the Police determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the try line. Practice was resumed when the officials decided that it was unlikely that the team would encounter the substance again.
One of the players, while on his way back to the dressing room happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance at the end of the field.
Coach Clive Woodward immediately suspended practice while the Police were called in to investigate.
After a complete field analysis, the Police determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the try line. Practice was resumed when the officials decided that it was unlikely that the team would encounter the substance again.
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
HálloHowArtThou wrote:
> A guy walks into a bar and says
Ouch!
> A guy walks into a bar and says
Ouch!
He's such a dumb jock, that when he was driving to the airport, he saw a sign that read, "Airport Left," and he turned around and went home.
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
A guy walks into a bar and says, "I think I've heard this one before!"
Mr.Snuggly wrote:
> Tony wrote:
> Mr.Snuggly wrote:
> Did you know Craig David has been chosen to represent England in
> Archery at the Olympics? He's going to be their Bo Selecta.
>
> Keep a couple of your evenings free to judge the winner of this will
> you Snuggly. (the above joke is not the winner, by the way)
>
> Hey, if I'm judging it, then I pick the winner...
Stop fighting girls or it`ll be handbags at dawn ;0)
> Tony wrote:
> Mr.Snuggly wrote:
> Did you know Craig David has been chosen to represent England in
> Archery at the Olympics? He's going to be their Bo Selecta.
>
> Keep a couple of your evenings free to judge the winner of this will
> you Snuggly. (the above joke is not the winner, by the way)
>
> Hey, if I'm judging it, then I pick the winner...
Stop fighting girls or it`ll be handbags at dawn ;0)
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
WHAT DO WOMEN HAVE IN COMMON WITH BANK ACCOUNTS?
EVERYTIME YOU WITHDRAW, YOU LOSE INTEREST!
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
WHAT DO WOMEN HAVE IN COMMON WITH BANK ACCOUNTS?
EVERYTIME YOU WITHDRAW, YOU LOSE INTEREST!
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Snuggly, did you get my email?...
Please, Thankyou, sir
Please, Thankyou, sir
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