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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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What do you do to the cannibal that turn up late for dinner?
Give him the cold shoulder.
Give him the cold shoulder.
right...
There's this healer bloke and he's called 2 blokes form the crowd, 1 with a speech problem(Bill) and one with crutches(Jim). The healer block works up the crowd and sends the men behind a screen. "Jim, throw away your cruches!" and there is a clater behind the screen. "Bill, speek!"
"Jim'th fallenth over"
Its better when you tell it rather than type it.
There's this healer bloke and he's called 2 blokes form the crowd, 1 with a speech problem(Bill) and one with crutches(Jim). The healer block works up the crowd and sends the men behind a screen. "Jim, throw away your cruches!" and there is a clater behind the screen. "Bill, speek!"
"Jim'th fallenth over"
Its better when you tell it rather than type it.
Girlfriend 1.0 software
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it's a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer.
Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0:
1. A "Don't remind me again" button.
2. Minimize button.
3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects).
I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0, but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory.
Another thing that sucks--in all versions of Girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally "object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.
Bug warning
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it's a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer.
Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0:
1. A "Don't remind me again" button.
2. Minimize button.
3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects).
I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0, but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory.
Another thing that sucks--in all versions of Girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally "object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.
Bug warning
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
a man dies and his soul rises up from his boady, a angel comes to his soul and says "go up the stairs to your first stage to success" so the soul of the man says "ok" and walks up. in the room there is a naked woman standing there and some stairs. the angel says to the soul of the man " do u wanna stay here for ever or go to the next stage to success" and the soul replies "hmmmmmmm the next stage to success". so the soul goes up the stairs to the next stage to success. when he gets there theres 2 women stood there and some stairs. the angel says to the soul " do u wanna stay here or go to the next stage of success" and the soul replies "oh thats a hard one but ill go to the next stage to success" so the soul goes to the the stairs to the next stage to success. when the soul gets there theres 10 naked women and a staircase up to the next stage to success. the angel says "do u wanna stay here or go up to the next stage to success" and the man replies " oh thats relly hard but ok ill go to success" so the soul goes up. when hes there theres 100 naked women and a staircase up to success. the angel says to the soul "do u wanna stay here for ever or go to success for ever" the soul replies " ohhhhhhh thats a hard question but im gonna choose success. so the man goes up the stairs and when he gets there the stairs dissapere and he notices that theres no way out of the room and theres a naked man in the middle of the room and the naked man says to the soul " hi im cess".
What goes black and white and black and white and black and white and red?
A nun rolling down a hill into a rock.
Ho, ho, ho, ho... *Sigh*
A nun rolling down a hill into a rock.
Ho, ho, ho, ho... *Sigh*
Well you may now seeing as though your post was deleated.
Well I doubt you are going to last long on here.
An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl notices something strange about the wellies that the Irish guy's wearing.
She says to him "Scuse me mate, I ain't bein fannny or naffink, but why doz one of your wellies ave an L on it, and the uva one's got an R on it?"
So, the Irish guy smiles, puts down his pint of Guinness and replies, "Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R is for me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot."
"Cor, blimey!" exclaims the Essex girl, "So THAT'S why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them."
She says to him "Scuse me mate, I ain't bein fannny or naffink, but why doz one of your wellies ave an L on it, and the uva one's got an R on it?"
So, the Irish guy smiles, puts down his pint of Guinness and replies, "Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R is for me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot."
"Cor, blimey!" exclaims the Essex girl, "So THAT'S why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them."
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