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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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What goes "Oooooooooooooooo"?
A cow with no lips
hur hur.
A cow with no lips
hur hur.
Three nuns walking down a road, when a flasher jumps out. Two have a heartattack, the other has a stroke.
hur hur.
hur hur.
Mate from school told me this...SR, feel free to delete it...not that you need my permission anyway.
Two partially deaf friends walk into a bar. One sits at a table, while the other goes up to the barman.
"What sort of entertainment do you have on tonight?" He asks.
"We have some pop music, some jazz and some country and western." The barman replies.
"Okay, thanks."
He goes back to the table where his friend is sitting. His friend asks, "so, what entertainment is there tonight?"
"Well, there's some pop music, some jazz, and a c--- from Preston."
Two partially deaf friends walk into a bar. One sits at a table, while the other goes up to the barman.
"What sort of entertainment do you have on tonight?" He asks.
"We have some pop music, some jazz and some country and western." The barman replies.
"Okay, thanks."
He goes back to the table where his friend is sitting. His friend asks, "so, what entertainment is there tonight?"
"Well, there's some pop music, some jazz, and a c--- from Preston."
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead,
Now Mary has her little lamb
Between two pieces of bread.
Not a joke I know, but it is mildly amusing.
Her father shot it dead,
Now Mary has her little lamb
Between two pieces of bread.
Not a joke I know, but it is mildly amusing.
Yesterday, scientists working at a top medical establishment in the UK made an amazing discovery.
They discovered that beer contains female hormones and it can actually turn men into women.
To investigate, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer, it was then observed that 100% of them became over emotional, couldn't drive, couldn't think rationally, talked excessively without making any sense, gained weight and failed to admit when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
They discovered that beer contains female hormones and it can actually turn men into women.
To investigate, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer, it was then observed that 100% of them became over emotional, couldn't drive, couldn't think rationally, talked excessively without making any sense, gained weight and failed to admit when wrong.
No further testing is planned.
who was the first person to die in a shell suit?
Humpty dumpty
Humpty dumpty
What to say when caught sleeping at your desk:
10) "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9) "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8) "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time!"
7) "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6) "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5) "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stess. Do you discriminate toward people who practice Yoga?"
4) "Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3) "The coffee machine is broken..."
2) "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot..."
1) ".....in Jesus' name, Amen."
10) "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9) "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8) "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time!"
7) "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6) "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5) "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stess. Do you discriminate toward people who practice Yoga?"
4) "Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3) "The coffee machine is broken..."
2) "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot..."
1) ".....in Jesus' name, Amen."
Whats the differance between Tony Blair and a Blonde?
The blonde has hair!
The blonde has hair!
What does Will Young and a candle have in common?
They both go out with a puff
They both go out with a puff
a man walks into a bar and sits down and orders a drink.
He then notices a Jar that is full of money. The man asks the bartender what the jar is for. The bartender then says that he has a donkey in the back room and if anyone can make him him laugh they win the money. If not they owe me 100 dollars.
The man say I can do it!
So he goes into the back room and about 5 minutes later the bartender hears the donkey laughing out loud. The man walks out and takes the money from the jar, thanks the bartender, and leaves.
About a month later the man comes back into the bar and there is a new jar of money. The man asks the bartender what the new jar of money is for.
The bartender looks at the man and says if you can make the donkey cry the money is yours, if not you owe me 100 dollars. The man says ok I'll do it!
He walks into the back room and about 2 minutes has goes by when the bartender hears the donkey crying. The man walks out and grabs the money out of the jar, but before the man leaves the bartender asks, "How did you make the donkey laugh?"
The man looks at the bartender and says, "Well the first time I told the donkey that I had a bigger pecker then he did".
"How did you make him cry?" ask the bartender?
Well I showed him.
Send This
He then notices a Jar that is full of money. The man asks the bartender what the jar is for. The bartender then says that he has a donkey in the back room and if anyone can make him him laugh they win the money. If not they owe me 100 dollars.
The man say I can do it!
So he goes into the back room and about 5 minutes later the bartender hears the donkey laughing out loud. The man walks out and takes the money from the jar, thanks the bartender, and leaves.
About a month later the man comes back into the bar and there is a new jar of money. The man asks the bartender what the new jar of money is for.
The bartender looks at the man and says if you can make the donkey cry the money is yours, if not you owe me 100 dollars. The man says ok I'll do it!
He walks into the back room and about 2 minutes has goes by when the bartender hears the donkey crying. The man walks out and grabs the money out of the jar, but before the man leaves the bartender asks, "How did you make the donkey laugh?"
The man looks at the bartender and says, "Well the first time I told the donkey that I had a bigger pecker then he did".
"How did you make him cry?" ask the bartender?
Well I showed him.
Send This
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