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Grix frisbeed the beermat at Sheepy's face. It hit him on the nose, bounced off, and skimmed across the table, floating on the mixture of drink that had been spilt throughout the night.
"Meka?" Grix asked.
"Yeah?" Came the reply. Meka looked up from his pint glass like he had done a million times before.
"Can you remember how we all met?" Grix mumbled in such a way that only people that had been with him for a while actually knew what he was saying.
"How can I forget..." Meka said, and sat up straight. "You signing us up to the navy... our fantastic escape and journey hitchhiking back to Pembroke, meeting so many people on the way and them all joining us... Ant, Fantasymeister, Sniper, Stryke, Sheepy... everyone... us nearly destroying and also managing to save the world... twice... Ant losing his virginity, Fantasymeister loosing the will to live, you started talking to your brain... and then meeting Tony. It had everything... excitement, adventure, true love, drama... I don't think I'll ever forget, you know."
"Can you tell me the story?" Grix said.
"Why? You were there."
"Yeah, but I was drunk." Grix replied. "Most of the time. Some of the time."
Meka put his face down on the table, and the beer soaked into his skin. "I've really got to go home, or at least ring my wife."
"Sod your wife, tell the story." Fantasymeister said, and picked up another beermat to throw at Sheepy.
"Well, ok." Meka said. "I was a young farmboy living on the outer rim planet of Tatooine... I desperately wanted to join the rebellion, but my uncle..."
"Wrong story, Meka." Sheepy mumbled.
"Oh yeah, sorry."
-----------------------
It all started about two years ago, in this very pub here in Pembroke... I had just moved down, and wanted to meet the locals.
Unfortunately, I met you, Grix.
It was my wife's idea. Just go down to the pub, mix around a little, make some friends...
-------------------------
"Do you know what the first ever religion was called?" Grix said.
Meka looked up from his pint glass for the first time in the evening... he felt he would be doing it an awful lot in the next few years...
"No." Meka replied.
"Ug."
Meka had met Grix about an hour earlier. It was Meka's fault. He shouldn't have said hello. He knew he looked a little strange.
"Ug?" Meka asked.
"Yeah. The Ugists believed that there was another Earth circuling around the sun, in complete equalibrium with our Earth, the same distance, the same speed."
"Oh, right."
"The Ugists believed that everything that happened on this Earth had an equal and opposite reaction on the other Earth. So if someone died this side, then someone would be born on the other side."
Grix poured blobs of beer onto the table to indicate the sun, and the two Earths on opposite sides.
"Hang on... wasn't it a good long time before people realised the sun rotated around the Earth?"
"Earth around the sun, Meka, and yes... but there's more." Grix said, downing more of his pint. "You shee, humans were not originally from this planet. We were dropped off from a spaceship millions of years ago."
Meka blinked.
"Well, there was a war on the planet we originally came from. We shared the planet with a bunch of creatures that believed that the only real purpose in life was to have sex. Lots and lots of sex."
Meka glared at the glass.
"Free sex pretty much annoyed mankind, however. If sex was free, nobody had power over anyone. So man decided to not take up this free sex thing, and dress up in clothes and generally be arsey about it."
"Grix, shut up."
"Womenkind had a better idea, and went to sleep with the 'Bonobs', as they were called. So mankind got even more annoyed and declared war."
Meka downed his drink and ordered another.
"But free sex meant large population, and man didn't stand a chance. The Bonobs got fed up, killed most of mankind... but since they were a kind species, they gathered up the dumb and pathetic remainders of humans, crammed them in a spaceship, and dumped them on a planet far, far away from the rest of civilisation. They found the only planet with an atmosphere in a whole solar system, which is rare to have just one... and left them there."
Meka downed the new pint.
"But mankind were in for a shock. There were already some half evolved humans on Earth, and another battle ensured. They killed off the half evolved humans... not because they were better fighters, but because they had guns. One man did die, however, of the evolved human race. But he was probably the stupiest of them all. He tried taking on the cavemen with a big stick. Needless to say, cavemen are better with big sticks."
Meka downed Grix's pint. He didn't noticed. He ordered two more.
"However, one sly bloke got the spaceship working again after about eighteen years, and set off with it... only to crash into the opposite Earth that rotated around this sun... interesting to him, he found a large proportion of unevolved humans, mostly female and sterile. And one very intelligent eighteen year old girl. Since he was horny, and she was lonely, they made love, became partners, and gave birth to a boy as they flew back to the other Earth. She died giving birth, leaving the stupid man to raise the child for two years, before he died too."
Meka downed the double vodka.
"But the laws of this world didn't apply to this boy... he was both part of each Earth, and by some strange reasoning, could not be killed at all. He'd die for only short periods, and then suddenly revive himself... and THAT'S who the Ugists worshipped. The boy, that stopped growing for some strange reason when he reached fifteen... this was their God, their proof that their twin Earth theory was true. And if it is, then he's still alive today. Trapped in puberty. Jeez. Bad luck... considering he's both the ying and the yang, I guess he's pretty emotionally unstable."
"Gwix, I had to lisen to thiss craap forrr I doon't noo how longy..."
"But..."
"No." Meka said. "Pwomisse me ssometingy."
"What?"
"Youu will never, MEVER, undar ANYEE circstance, mension tha sory agin." Meka said.
"...alright."
Meka downed the triple vodka.
"I wanna join da army. I wanna see da worrld." Meka said, and collapsed on the table.
-------------------------
Meka woke to a pounding headache, turned over in his bed, and looked out of the window. And saw fish.
Then Meka noticed he was in a bunkbed. In a strange metal room. And someone was in the bunk below. Snoring.
He looked over the side of the bed. It was Grix.
Another person was in the room too. Sitting on a chair and playing snake on a mobile phone. He looked about fifteen.
The boy looked up at Meka, narrowed his eyes, and said:
"This is gay."
"Meka?" Grix asked.
"Yeah?" Came the reply. Meka looked up from his pint glass like he had done a million times before.
"Can you remember how we all met?" Grix mumbled in such a way that only people that had been with him for a while actually knew what he was saying.
"How can I forget..." Meka said, and sat up straight. "You signing us up to the navy... our fantastic escape and journey hitchhiking back to Pembroke, meeting so many people on the way and them all joining us... Ant, Fantasymeister, Sniper, Stryke, Sheepy... everyone... us nearly destroying and also managing to save the world... twice... Ant losing his virginity, Fantasymeister loosing the will to live, you started talking to your brain... and then meeting Tony. It had everything... excitement, adventure, true love, drama... I don't think I'll ever forget, you know."
"Can you tell me the story?" Grix said.
"Why? You were there."
"Yeah, but I was drunk." Grix replied. "Most of the time. Some of the time."
Meka put his face down on the table, and the beer soaked into his skin. "I've really got to go home, or at least ring my wife."
"Sod your wife, tell the story." Fantasymeister said, and picked up another beermat to throw at Sheepy.
"Well, ok." Meka said. "I was a young farmboy living on the outer rim planet of Tatooine... I desperately wanted to join the rebellion, but my uncle..."
"Wrong story, Meka." Sheepy mumbled.
"Oh yeah, sorry."
-----------------------
It all started about two years ago, in this very pub here in Pembroke... I had just moved down, and wanted to meet the locals.
Unfortunately, I met you, Grix.
It was my wife's idea. Just go down to the pub, mix around a little, make some friends...
-------------------------
"Do you know what the first ever religion was called?" Grix said.
Meka looked up from his pint glass for the first time in the evening... he felt he would be doing it an awful lot in the next few years...
"No." Meka replied.
"Ug."
Meka had met Grix about an hour earlier. It was Meka's fault. He shouldn't have said hello. He knew he looked a little strange.
"Ug?" Meka asked.
"Yeah. The Ugists believed that there was another Earth circuling around the sun, in complete equalibrium with our Earth, the same distance, the same speed."
"Oh, right."
"The Ugists believed that everything that happened on this Earth had an equal and opposite reaction on the other Earth. So if someone died this side, then someone would be born on the other side."
Grix poured blobs of beer onto the table to indicate the sun, and the two Earths on opposite sides.
"Hang on... wasn't it a good long time before people realised the sun rotated around the Earth?"
"Earth around the sun, Meka, and yes... but there's more." Grix said, downing more of his pint. "You shee, humans were not originally from this planet. We were dropped off from a spaceship millions of years ago."
Meka blinked.
"Well, there was a war on the planet we originally came from. We shared the planet with a bunch of creatures that believed that the only real purpose in life was to have sex. Lots and lots of sex."
Meka glared at the glass.
"Free sex pretty much annoyed mankind, however. If sex was free, nobody had power over anyone. So man decided to not take up this free sex thing, and dress up in clothes and generally be arsey about it."
"Grix, shut up."
"Womenkind had a better idea, and went to sleep with the 'Bonobs', as they were called. So mankind got even more annoyed and declared war."
Meka downed his drink and ordered another.
"But free sex meant large population, and man didn't stand a chance. The Bonobs got fed up, killed most of mankind... but since they were a kind species, they gathered up the dumb and pathetic remainders of humans, crammed them in a spaceship, and dumped them on a planet far, far away from the rest of civilisation. They found the only planet with an atmosphere in a whole solar system, which is rare to have just one... and left them there."
Meka downed the new pint.
"But mankind were in for a shock. There were already some half evolved humans on Earth, and another battle ensured. They killed off the half evolved humans... not because they were better fighters, but because they had guns. One man did die, however, of the evolved human race. But he was probably the stupiest of them all. He tried taking on the cavemen with a big stick. Needless to say, cavemen are better with big sticks."
Meka downed Grix's pint. He didn't noticed. He ordered two more.
"However, one sly bloke got the spaceship working again after about eighteen years, and set off with it... only to crash into the opposite Earth that rotated around this sun... interesting to him, he found a large proportion of unevolved humans, mostly female and sterile. And one very intelligent eighteen year old girl. Since he was horny, and she was lonely, they made love, became partners, and gave birth to a boy as they flew back to the other Earth. She died giving birth, leaving the stupid man to raise the child for two years, before he died too."
Meka downed the double vodka.
"But the laws of this world didn't apply to this boy... he was both part of each Earth, and by some strange reasoning, could not be killed at all. He'd die for only short periods, and then suddenly revive himself... and THAT'S who the Ugists worshipped. The boy, that stopped growing for some strange reason when he reached fifteen... this was their God, their proof that their twin Earth theory was true. And if it is, then he's still alive today. Trapped in puberty. Jeez. Bad luck... considering he's both the ying and the yang, I guess he's pretty emotionally unstable."
"Gwix, I had to lisen to thiss craap forrr I doon't noo how longy..."
"But..."
"No." Meka said. "Pwomisse me ssometingy."
"What?"
"Youu will never, MEVER, undar ANYEE circstance, mension tha sory agin." Meka said.
"...alright."
Meka downed the triple vodka.
"I wanna join da army. I wanna see da worrld." Meka said, and collapsed on the table.
-------------------------
Meka woke to a pounding headache, turned over in his bed, and looked out of the window. And saw fish.
Then Meka noticed he was in a bunkbed. In a strange metal room. And someone was in the bunk below. Snoring.
He looked over the side of the bed. It was Grix.
Another person was in the room too. Sitting on a chair and playing snake on a mobile phone. He looked about fifteen.
The boy looked up at Meka, narrowed his eyes, and said:
"This is gay."
Page:
** Quick note to Stryke ** No need for that. Allardini's bit was a bit off track, but no need to go slate him for it. No real damage has been done, and for a first post I've seen much, much worse... hell, I've DONE MUCH much worse! ;-D. Anyway, lay off the lad. He meant well and'll get into the flow soon enough. And if the story does get a little side-tracked, one post can normally fix that, besides, it's Fog Story tradition for things to go belly-up! :-D.**
Back to the story...
So, having taken a submarine into the Atlantic, flew somewhere into America, found themselves a Tesco, chased Insane Bartender to Pb's mansion who went and kidnapped Sniper, leading to half the group chasing him in IB's Car (and Meka on some sort of motorbike), Er-no, Sheepy, Stryke, Fantasy Meister were stuck by the mansion which seemed to be in a place called "Slough".
Ant slammed the brakes (I think he was the one driving last time I checked...) to prevent going into the speed trap with the giant spikes, but after having slammed the accelerator down on full too escape the explosion in the tunnel, he knew that the car wouldn't stop.
Sure enough, the car speed straight over the giant spikes, pretty much ripping the underneath to shreds. Goatboy, Rasta, Grix, Ant, YH and Wookiee (I'm sure that's all who were in there...) dived out of the car, which quickly erupted in flames.
Grix looked around. There was no one in sight.
The trap itself was clean - clearly hadn't been out long, but there was no one around to have laid it.
Presumably, along with that red bouncing bomb in the tunnel, it was another one of PB's surprises.
Either way it mattered little.
They were stuck in the middle of nowhere with no transport... until they heard a motorbike approach.
Swerved the bike to a halt in front of them, posed a cool look and in the most cheesy cliched accent you could possibly imagine, said
"Hop on, guys."
"7 of us on that little thing? You're kidding right?"
****
PB's car was parked on the edge of the road.
After hitting that speed trap, there was no way that they'd catch him now.
Pb chuckled. "What did you think of our little escape then?"
"Gay!"
It was annoying, but he'd gotten pretty much used to it in the last 10 minutes or so, besides, he'd lost those pesky persuers for good...
Then he saw the rear mirror.
A motorbike was heading towards him.
Meka was riding it. On his shoulders stood Wookiee, who was under YH (they were both cracked up over something). On top of YH stood Grix who was holding up Ant, who had Goatboy on his shoulders, and Rasta was on the top, standing one legged on Goatboy's head, holding his arms out for balance, although Pb could've sworn he was pretending to be an earoplane...
Back to the story...
So, having taken a submarine into the Atlantic, flew somewhere into America, found themselves a Tesco, chased Insane Bartender to Pb's mansion who went and kidnapped Sniper, leading to half the group chasing him in IB's Car (and Meka on some sort of motorbike), Er-no, Sheepy, Stryke, Fantasy Meister were stuck by the mansion which seemed to be in a place called "Slough".
Ant slammed the brakes (I think he was the one driving last time I checked...) to prevent going into the speed trap with the giant spikes, but after having slammed the accelerator down on full too escape the explosion in the tunnel, he knew that the car wouldn't stop.
Sure enough, the car speed straight over the giant spikes, pretty much ripping the underneath to shreds. Goatboy, Rasta, Grix, Ant, YH and Wookiee (I'm sure that's all who were in there...) dived out of the car, which quickly erupted in flames.
Grix looked around. There was no one in sight.
The trap itself was clean - clearly hadn't been out long, but there was no one around to have laid it.
Presumably, along with that red bouncing bomb in the tunnel, it was another one of PB's surprises.
Either way it mattered little.
They were stuck in the middle of nowhere with no transport... until they heard a motorbike approach.
Swerved the bike to a halt in front of them, posed a cool look and in the most cheesy cliched accent you could possibly imagine, said
"Hop on, guys."
"7 of us on that little thing? You're kidding right?"
****
PB's car was parked on the edge of the road.
After hitting that speed trap, there was no way that they'd catch him now.
Pb chuckled. "What did you think of our little escape then?"
"Gay!"
It was annoying, but he'd gotten pretty much used to it in the last 10 minutes or so, besides, he'd lost those pesky persuers for good...
Then he saw the rear mirror.
A motorbike was heading towards him.
Meka was riding it. On his shoulders stood Wookiee, who was under YH (they were both cracked up over something). On top of YH stood Grix who was holding up Ant, who had Goatboy on his shoulders, and Rasta was on the top, standing one legged on Goatboy's head, holding his arms out for balance, although Pb could've sworn he was pretending to be an earoplane...
And then, right infront of er-no's eyes, Natalie Portman appeared at the door of the mansion. A bulge was the present in er-no's pants and foam began to cover Natalie from all angles. Infact, Slough had gone, he wasn't with Stryke, Sheepy or FM anymore, it was now just him and Natalie in a bed. With foam...
--Back in the Pub--
'Can people stop leaving individuals to tell their own versions' Meka shouted.
In the pub, er-no then quickly waddled to the bathroom, with the bulge still present.... 'be right back' he cried out.
--Back in the Pub--
'Can people stop leaving individuals to tell their own versions' Meka shouted.
In the pub, er-no then quickly waddled to the bathroom, with the bulge still present.... 'be right back' he cried out.
Somewhere in the UK, the big weight was bouncing up and down on the head of allardini. Again and again. And then some more. If it had a voice, and it doesnt, but if it did, it would be screaming at the top of it's non-voice "DIE PIGDOG DIE!"
But it didn't have a voice, so it doesn't really matter what it would have said.
But it didn't have a voice, so it doesn't really matter what it would have said.
"Dozy Hollow!Place of NIIIIGHTMARES!" said a booming voice.
"Stop that." said Stryke irritably. The Christopher Walken incident hadn't best pleased him.
"Sorry." said er-no. "I thought it might add to the, wossname, atmosfeeeeaaaar!"
"Atmosphere, you ponce. And you know it." said Sheepy.
"Sorry."
"I thought this place was called Slough-on-the-Dozy-Hollow anyway." said FM irritably. He was also irritable, y'see. Stryke had taken his lighter, and was keeping it.
"Can I have my lighter back?" said FM. "You Welsh gimp." He felt this would help.
"No. I reckon Johnny Depp or even Casper Van Dien might turn up, and they need to be burnt too."
"What about Christina Ricci?" asked er-no.
"She can stay." said Stryke, charitably.
Sheepy was sulking. He had no idea what they were chatting about. The inadequately explained peasant was trudging along at the back. It was supposed to be his job to explain Dozy Hollow in a deep booming voice, but instead the thin guy with cans of foam bizarrely strapped to his belt was doing all the explaining. He hurried to the front of the group, attempting to regain the spotlight.
"Yeah, so, bodies have been found decapitated!" announced the peasant.
"DECAPITATEEEED!" boomed er-no.
"Shut up."
"I bet your going to ask where the heads were found?" encouraged the peasant.
Stryke looked at Sheepy, who looked at er-no, who looked at FM, who looked in his pockets for another ciggie. Sheepy sighed.
"OK, were the heads found severed?"
"No!" answered the peasant, hopping from foot to foot in excitement.
"Were they found in a nearby pig farm?" asked er-no.
The peasant postively shivered with excitement, confirming this was also wrong.
"Were they found hanging from the tree in the middle of the forest?"
The peasant shook his head again. It was tense.
"Were they found nicking my fags?" FM was getting irritated again.
"No! The heads were...." started the peasant.
"NOT FOUND AT ALL!" billowed a new voice.
They all turned and gasped. They had come to the dark manor house, as is expected, and in the doorway was...
--
"Stop that." said Stryke irritably. The Christopher Walken incident hadn't best pleased him.
"Sorry." said er-no. "I thought it might add to the, wossname, atmosfeeeeaaaar!"
"Atmosphere, you ponce. And you know it." said Sheepy.
"Sorry."
"I thought this place was called Slough-on-the-Dozy-Hollow anyway." said FM irritably. He was also irritable, y'see. Stryke had taken his lighter, and was keeping it.
"Can I have my lighter back?" said FM. "You Welsh gimp." He felt this would help.
"No. I reckon Johnny Depp or even Casper Van Dien might turn up, and they need to be burnt too."
"What about Christina Ricci?" asked er-no.
"She can stay." said Stryke, charitably.
Sheepy was sulking. He had no idea what they were chatting about. The inadequately explained peasant was trudging along at the back. It was supposed to be his job to explain Dozy Hollow in a deep booming voice, but instead the thin guy with cans of foam bizarrely strapped to his belt was doing all the explaining. He hurried to the front of the group, attempting to regain the spotlight.
"Yeah, so, bodies have been found decapitated!" announced the peasant.
"DECAPITATEEEED!" boomed er-no.
"Shut up."
"I bet your going to ask where the heads were found?" encouraged the peasant.
Stryke looked at Sheepy, who looked at er-no, who looked at FM, who looked in his pockets for another ciggie. Sheepy sighed.
"OK, were the heads found severed?"
"No!" answered the peasant, hopping from foot to foot in excitement.
"Were they found in a nearby pig farm?" asked er-no.
The peasant postively shivered with excitement, confirming this was also wrong.
"Were they found hanging from the tree in the middle of the forest?"
The peasant shook his head again. It was tense.
"Were they found nicking my fags?" FM was getting irritated again.
"No! The heads were...." started the peasant.
"NOT FOUND AT ALL!" billowed a new voice.
They all turned and gasped. They had come to the dark manor house, as is expected, and in the doorway was...
--
'Jimmy, your coat is still on fire' RBS screamed at Goatboy.
Just at that precise time frogs started appearing around the jeeps dashboard and spare seats (of which their were few).
Meka appeared in the rearview mirror of the car, 'There is Meka!' Grix happily shouted.
'Arrrghhh, elephant man!' RBS shouted
And at this precise time all the cars and objects in the story turned into elephants. Small elephants roamed the street and RBS had a small golden crown on his head. He was pleased. No more 'Gay!' comments or 'Oh Crap!'. RBS could make sense of life here, it was perfe....
-BACK IN THE BAR-
...Rasta!" Grix said as he prodded RBS's forehead
"Yes Malcolm?"
"Stop trying to continue the story every time we go and get another drink"
"Excellent idea." RBS answered.
Just at that precise time frogs started appearing around the jeeps dashboard and spare seats (of which their were few).
Meka appeared in the rearview mirror of the car, 'There is Meka!' Grix happily shouted.
'Arrrghhh, elephant man!' RBS shouted
And at this precise time all the cars and objects in the story turned into elephants. Small elephants roamed the street and RBS had a small golden crown on his head. He was pleased. No more 'Gay!' comments or 'Oh Crap!'. RBS could make sense of life here, it was perfe....
-BACK IN THE BAR-
...Rasta!" Grix said as he prodded RBS's forehead
"Yes Malcolm?"
"Stop trying to continue the story every time we go and get another drink"
"Excellent idea." RBS answered.
Meka had luckily turned left but got on the wrong lane. He now turned right towards the south side of the tunnel, just in time to see the Jeep emerge from the flames....
pb looked behind him.
"B****r!" he exclaimed as he saw the jeep baring down on him. He quickly turned left on the highway taking route 56, cars rushed past, beeping their horns, as the jeep swerved to follow it.
"Quick, we've nearly caught them!" Said Grix, jumping up and down.
“Um. So what exactly do we do when we have caught up to them?” said Ant, still driving and trying his best to see over the steering wheel.
“Er, guys, I don’t think that will be an option…” said Goatboy, pointing to about 10 police cars behind them.
“This is Gay.” Said Sniper, bound and obviously not gagged in the passenger seat of Pb’s car.
“Shut up! Just stop saying that over and over again!” shouted pb.
Sniper noticed something was wrong with Pb, as if some internal conflict was confusing him. He could see the lines of concentration on Pb’s face as he tried to keep control of the car. Of course, being Sniper he just thought it was all a bit gay.
The police cars were joined by a helicopter and they now seemed pretty intent on stopping both the jeep and the car it was following. As they all entered a tunnel, the red and blue lights lit up the whole area and Ant had to swerve between traffic coming the other way so that he could avoid the police cars.
Pb had also seen this and, as he didn’t really want to be stopped at this present time, he pressed a red button on the dashboard of the car and watched as a small bouncing ball dropped from the back of the car. It bounced along the road towards the jeep, but Grix had spotted it and quickly took the wheel from Ant.
“Wha! What are you doi…” said Ant, before realising what Grix was up to. He mostly realised this due to the huge explosion behind them as the police cars exploded in a huge ball of flames.
The flaming ball expanded rapidly and Ant felt himself push as hard as he could on the pedal. The flames were faster though, and Goatboy looked on in horror as they lapped the back of the jeep and singed his coat. Just as all seemed lost Ant gave a cheer as they exited the tunnel and the fireball exploded in to the air around the entrance.
“Whoa! That was close.” Said Grix, looking behind them.
“Er…I don’t think we’re out of trouble yet.” Said Ant and they all turned to see a massive speed trap ahead with giant spikes set up as far as they could see.
"B****r!" he exclaimed as he saw the jeep baring down on him. He quickly turned left on the highway taking route 56, cars rushed past, beeping their horns, as the jeep swerved to follow it.
"Quick, we've nearly caught them!" Said Grix, jumping up and down.
“Um. So what exactly do we do when we have caught up to them?” said Ant, still driving and trying his best to see over the steering wheel.
“Er, guys, I don’t think that will be an option…” said Goatboy, pointing to about 10 police cars behind them.
“This is Gay.” Said Sniper, bound and obviously not gagged in the passenger seat of Pb’s car.
“Shut up! Just stop saying that over and over again!” shouted pb.
Sniper noticed something was wrong with Pb, as if some internal conflict was confusing him. He could see the lines of concentration on Pb’s face as he tried to keep control of the car. Of course, being Sniper he just thought it was all a bit gay.
The police cars were joined by a helicopter and they now seemed pretty intent on stopping both the jeep and the car it was following. As they all entered a tunnel, the red and blue lights lit up the whole area and Ant had to swerve between traffic coming the other way so that he could avoid the police cars.
Pb had also seen this and, as he didn’t really want to be stopped at this present time, he pressed a red button on the dashboard of the car and watched as a small bouncing ball dropped from the back of the car. It bounced along the road towards the jeep, but Grix had spotted it and quickly took the wheel from Ant.
“Wha! What are you doi…” said Ant, before realising what Grix was up to. He mostly realised this due to the huge explosion behind them as the police cars exploded in a huge ball of flames.
The flaming ball expanded rapidly and Ant felt himself push as hard as he could on the pedal. The flames were faster though, and Goatboy looked on in horror as they lapped the back of the jeep and singed his coat. Just as all seemed lost Ant gave a cheer as they exited the tunnel and the fireball exploded in to the air around the entrance.
“Whoa! That was close.” Said Grix, looking behind them.
“Er…I don’t think we’re out of trouble yet.” Said Ant and they all turned to see a massive speed trap ahead with giant spikes set up as far as they could see.
Christopher Walken walked up to Stryke and said 'Hiya!'. Stryke grabbed FM's lighter and set him alight, mysterious he burst into flames never to be mentioned again.
er-no stated, 'I will lead us into Slough, I have alwa...' FM punched er-no in the face....'FM will lead us into Slough' er-no finished.
A few minutes after Stryke, FM, er-no and Sheepy went off down the hill into Slough Meka woke up.
'Oh damnit, its normally not me that is forgotten about in a story! I hate being left behind!'
And as if by magic, a motorbike appeared behind Meka and a lightbulb flashed over his head. He considered which group to join... taking a left would catch him up to Grix's automobile at the VERY START of the next post. Taking a right would place him in the middle of Stryke and er-no, as if he had never been forgotten...
er-no stated, 'I will lead us into Slough, I have alwa...' FM punched er-no in the face....'FM will lead us into Slough' er-no finished.
A few minutes after Stryke, FM, er-no and Sheepy went off down the hill into Slough Meka woke up.
'Oh damnit, its normally not me that is forgotten about in a story! I hate being left behind!'
And as if by magic, a motorbike appeared behind Meka and a lightbulb flashed over his head. He considered which group to join... taking a left would catch him up to Grix's automobile at the VERY START of the next post. Taking a right would place him in the middle of Stryke and er-no, as if he had never been forgotten...
Somewhere in the UK, a young boy was walking along, minding his own business. This was because he was very ugly. And no-one liked him. Not even his mother.
A weight dropped on his head. Sad story. His name was allardini, and he was never heard from again, in this story or the next.
--
Sheepy eyed the mansion suspiciously.
"It looms." He concluded.
"Like, in a woman?" asked Ant.
"Loom, Ant. Not womb."
"Ah, right. So where does the baby fit into this loom?"
Sheepy sighed. It looked like they were going to have to investigate this mansion. And therin the problem lay. There were too many people to do this and maintain the storyline of each one. This problem was miraculously solved as Rasta ran out of the house, holding a package, screaming. They all looked at him.
"Rasta." said Grix. "Rasta. Rasta! RASTA!"
Rasta ran up to him and jogged up and down on the spot.
"Only on Tuesdays Jill!"
"Give me the package." Rasta did so.
"Whats in the package, Rasta?"
"Not telling Jill."
"Tell me or else."
"OK. It's amother bomb Jill."
"..Oh."
--
Pb looked around. Things weren't going his way. Not at all. He'd knocked out the strange supermarket guy who probably wouldn't feature in the story again, except for a possible revenge crusade. Then the small midget who kept on calling him random names had grabbed his special tear-gas bomb and ran out towards the strange people. Pb didn't approve of this, especially as the bomb was timed to...
BOOM!
Ah. Yes. Pb walked outside to see them all sprawled on the ground. Except for one boy, who was sitting there scowling at the rest of them.
"Who are you, boy?"
"Gay."
"Really? Is that so?" Pb was a king of humour. "WHAT are you? Eh? Eh?"
"Gay."
"HAHAHAHAHA! You said you're gay." Then Pb looked smug for a while. The boy merely glared at him.
"Right, young boy. How did you escape my knock-out gas?"
Sniper still just glared at him. Pb was thoughtful. He had heard of the legend too..
"Right!" Pb grabbed Sniper and shoved him into one of his many cars. Grix groaned and sat up.
"Hey! HEY! He's kidnapping Sniper!" Grix ran over to Goatboy and shook him awake. YH and Wookiee were also waking up, laughing. They were sure it was a prank of some sort. Grix ran over to a jeep and wrenched the door open, shoving the others inside.
"FOLLOW PB!" yelled Grix. Ant dived in through an open window.
"Whats up, lads? Wrestlemanis tickets on sale!"
"No-ones driving Ant." said Grix.
"You're in the drivers seat."
"Oh." He slammed on the accelerator, and they screeched out of the yard, doubtless on a long substory that will reunite them with the rest later on, hint hint.
--
Some minutes later, Stryke groaned and sat up. Wow, he'd been knocked out. LIke, REALLY knocked out. That only happened in the movies. FM, Sheepy, er-no and whoever else was left over were slowly waking up.
A yokel type farmer ran into the courtyard.
"What it is, peasant?" asked FM. And then he lit up, not listening.
"A...horseman! HEADLESS!"
"Really?" asked Sheepy.
"Down in the village!"
"Hang on." said Stryke, the supposed film fan. "Whats this village called?"
"Slough."
"Oh."
"Slough....ON THE DOZY HOLLOW!" announced the peasant. "Help us! Please!"
"Why not?" said er-no. They all got up and left, except Stryke.
"Hang on..." he said again.
"You're coming Stryke." announced er-no. "Besides, they'll probably have foam."
"Well, OK. But if I see Christopher Walken, I'm leaving."
The camera slowly panned out, leaving spooky music playing in the background and a hopefully good splitting of the two parties...
A weight dropped on his head. Sad story. His name was allardini, and he was never heard from again, in this story or the next.
--
Sheepy eyed the mansion suspiciously.
"It looms." He concluded.
"Like, in a woman?" asked Ant.
"Loom, Ant. Not womb."
"Ah, right. So where does the baby fit into this loom?"
Sheepy sighed. It looked like they were going to have to investigate this mansion. And therin the problem lay. There were too many people to do this and maintain the storyline of each one. This problem was miraculously solved as Rasta ran out of the house, holding a package, screaming. They all looked at him.
"Rasta." said Grix. "Rasta. Rasta! RASTA!"
Rasta ran up to him and jogged up and down on the spot.
"Only on Tuesdays Jill!"
"Give me the package." Rasta did so.
"Whats in the package, Rasta?"
"Not telling Jill."
"Tell me or else."
"OK. It's amother bomb Jill."
"..Oh."
--
Pb looked around. Things weren't going his way. Not at all. He'd knocked out the strange supermarket guy who probably wouldn't feature in the story again, except for a possible revenge crusade. Then the small midget who kept on calling him random names had grabbed his special tear-gas bomb and ran out towards the strange people. Pb didn't approve of this, especially as the bomb was timed to...
BOOM!
Ah. Yes. Pb walked outside to see them all sprawled on the ground. Except for one boy, who was sitting there scowling at the rest of them.
"Who are you, boy?"
"Gay."
"Really? Is that so?" Pb was a king of humour. "WHAT are you? Eh? Eh?"
"Gay."
"HAHAHAHAHA! You said you're gay." Then Pb looked smug for a while. The boy merely glared at him.
"Right, young boy. How did you escape my knock-out gas?"
Sniper still just glared at him. Pb was thoughtful. He had heard of the legend too..
"Right!" Pb grabbed Sniper and shoved him into one of his many cars. Grix groaned and sat up.
"Hey! HEY! He's kidnapping Sniper!" Grix ran over to Goatboy and shook him awake. YH and Wookiee were also waking up, laughing. They were sure it was a prank of some sort. Grix ran over to a jeep and wrenched the door open, shoving the others inside.
"FOLLOW PB!" yelled Grix. Ant dived in through an open window.
"Whats up, lads? Wrestlemanis tickets on sale!"
"No-ones driving Ant." said Grix.
"You're in the drivers seat."
"Oh." He slammed on the accelerator, and they screeched out of the yard, doubtless on a long substory that will reunite them with the rest later on, hint hint.
--
Some minutes later, Stryke groaned and sat up. Wow, he'd been knocked out. LIke, REALLY knocked out. That only happened in the movies. FM, Sheepy, er-no and whoever else was left over were slowly waking up.
A yokel type farmer ran into the courtyard.
"What it is, peasant?" asked FM. And then he lit up, not listening.
"A...horseman! HEADLESS!"
"Really?" asked Sheepy.
"Down in the village!"
"Hang on." said Stryke, the supposed film fan. "Whats this village called?"
"Slough."
"Oh."
"Slough....ON THE DOZY HOLLOW!" announced the peasant. "Help us! Please!"
"Why not?" said er-no. They all got up and left, except Stryke.
"Hang on..." he said again.
"You're coming Stryke." announced er-no. "Besides, they'll probably have foam."
"Well, OK. But if I see Christopher Walken, I'm leaving."
The camera slowly panned out, leaving spooky music playing in the background and a hopefully good splitting of the two parties...
" LOOK OUT CLIIIIIIFFF "
There wasn't much Grix could do but close his eyes and hope
KKKLLLAAANANNGGRRIPPPP
The bus went flying through the Cliff Richard poster and landed back on the road with a bump or two and then stopped.
" That bloody git " wailed FM as he nervously lit up another fag.
" I'll give him a Summer Holiday with my fist "
Nobody was hurt... well nobody except Sniper. The bump had caused him to fall below the bus and onto the road taking the bomb with him. A case of killing eating two cakes with one spoon then took place. Sniper bounced along the road infront of the police car... then he blew up, taking the bomb and the police with him.
" Heh, that was a stroke of luck " smiled Ant
" How can you say that? 'Gay boy' just died... again " said Sheepy.
" No he never "
" Look there he is " pointed Goatboy
There was Sniper with not a scratch on him, just standing at the back of the bus. He seemed to be invincible or just a lucky chap.
" Well " said Stryke. " It seems we have lost Rasta and Bartender, now what? "
" Well they can't be far, they were just there" Ant pointed to the road infront of them
The group walked off the bus just before it feel apart... like that Simpsons Halloween episode, with the gremlin RAR.
Meka scratched his backside and noticed a mansion not that far away with a car parked outside it.
" Heh, look. That must be where they are, Let's go. "
------
Pb looked out the window at the destroyed bus
" Hmmmm, I wonder what they want " he grunted
*NOTE: The group aren't in the UK... remember the submarine in the middle of knowhere, they're in North America somewhere.
There wasn't much Grix could do but close his eyes and hope
KKKLLLAAANANNGGRRIPPPP
The bus went flying through the Cliff Richard poster and landed back on the road with a bump or two and then stopped.
" That bloody git " wailed FM as he nervously lit up another fag.
" I'll give him a Summer Holiday with my fist "
Nobody was hurt... well nobody except Sniper. The bump had caused him to fall below the bus and onto the road taking the bomb with him. A case of killing eating two cakes with one spoon then took place. Sniper bounced along the road infront of the police car... then he blew up, taking the bomb and the police with him.
" Heh, that was a stroke of luck " smiled Ant
" How can you say that? 'Gay boy' just died... again " said Sheepy.
" No he never "
" Look there he is " pointed Goatboy
There was Sniper with not a scratch on him, just standing at the back of the bus. He seemed to be invincible or just a lucky chap.
" Well " said Stryke. " It seems we have lost Rasta and Bartender, now what? "
" Well they can't be far, they were just there" Ant pointed to the road infront of them
The group walked off the bus just before it feel apart... like that Simpsons Halloween episode, with the gremlin RAR.
Meka scratched his backside and noticed a mansion not that far away with a car parked outside it.
" Heh, look. That must be where they are, Let's go. "
------
Pb looked out the window at the destroyed bus
" Hmmmm, I wonder what they want " he grunted
*NOTE: The group aren't in the UK... remember the submarine in the middle of knowhere, they're in North America somewhere.
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