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There was a cat and a c**krel. They walk onto a bridge and the cat falls in. The c**krel bursts out laughing. Whats the morale of this story?
Answer: Wherever there is a wet pu*sy there is always a happy c**k!!!!!!!!
Answer: Wherever there is a wet pu*sy there is always a happy c**k!!!!!!!!
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What do you say to a man with a big nose a a moustache?
answer- with a nose that big there is no need to underline it!!
answer- with a nose that big there is no need to underline it!!
Why can't Matthew Kelly become England's manager?
answer- he keeps puting Seaman in the under 16's!!
ha! ha!
answer- he keeps puting Seaman in the under 16's!!
ha! ha!
I got a funny 1
3 guys are standing in front of St Peter waiting to be admitted into heaven when St Peter comes back and anounces that he will only be admiting 33% of the aplicants (1). He tells them that the one person with the best tale of how they died will be the one let in.
The first guy goes to St Peter and sais, "I had reason to belive that my wife had been cheating on me for some time, so i came home early to see if I could catch her out. I got home and saw a pair of mens trousers on the floor and realising that the man should still be in the house I started searching. "I couldn't find him anywhere until I had a thought, what about the balcony, so I went on to the balcany and i saw a pair of hands on the edge. I looked down and there he was hanging there on the edge. I started kicking his hands but he wouldn't fall off so I got a hammer and wacked him one. The guy fell off the balcony and into some bushes so I went and pushed the fridge off the balcony and it killed him. Afterwards I was so mad at myself for what I did that I shot myself. ( shotgun through mouth).
Hmmm said saint Peter before shouting NEXT.
The second guy comes up and sais, Well, it was mid afternoon and I was practicing my excercises on the balcony when I slipped down over the edge, falling several floors. I managed to hold on to another guys balcony but only just. I was hanging on for dear life. The guy who's balcony it was came out and started kicking me and shouting, he was really irate. he left for a minute and I tried to climb up but the guy came out with a hammer and clobbed me one. I let go and fell 10 odd floors into a bush. I couldn't belive my luck, I still wasn't dead, but then I looked up and saw a great fridge fall out the sky and it killed me.
Oh dear said saint Peter realising the staryline and again shouted NEXT.
Up steps the third guy and sais, Picture this, your cheating on some guys wife and hiding naked in a refridgerator..........
3 guys are standing in front of St Peter waiting to be admitted into heaven when St Peter comes back and anounces that he will only be admiting 33% of the aplicants (1). He tells them that the one person with the best tale of how they died will be the one let in.
The first guy goes to St Peter and sais, "I had reason to belive that my wife had been cheating on me for some time, so i came home early to see if I could catch her out. I got home and saw a pair of mens trousers on the floor and realising that the man should still be in the house I started searching. "I couldn't find him anywhere until I had a thought, what about the balcony, so I went on to the balcany and i saw a pair of hands on the edge. I looked down and there he was hanging there on the edge. I started kicking his hands but he wouldn't fall off so I got a hammer and wacked him one. The guy fell off the balcony and into some bushes so I went and pushed the fridge off the balcony and it killed him. Afterwards I was so mad at myself for what I did that I shot myself. ( shotgun through mouth).
Hmmm said saint Peter before shouting NEXT.
The second guy comes up and sais, Well, it was mid afternoon and I was practicing my excercises on the balcony when I slipped down over the edge, falling several floors. I managed to hold on to another guys balcony but only just. I was hanging on for dear life. The guy who's balcony it was came out and started kicking me and shouting, he was really irate. he left for a minute and I tried to climb up but the guy came out with a hammer and clobbed me one. I let go and fell 10 odd floors into a bush. I couldn't belive my luck, I still wasn't dead, but then I looked up and saw a great fridge fall out the sky and it killed me.
Oh dear said saint Peter realising the staryline and again shouted NEXT.
Up steps the third guy and sais, Picture this, your cheating on some guys wife and hiding naked in a refridgerator..........
Where does Gary Glitter go on holiday?
answer- to Tampa, with the kids!
answer- to Tampa, with the kids!
What is the hottest part of the Sun?
answer- page 3!
answer- page 3!
Callum Chapman wrote:
> i have another one...
>
> Q. What has colourful feathers and has red spots?
>
> A. A chicken with chicken spots!
That sort of thing is sneered at by three year-olds and drunks, so why do you post it here? If you want to get a GAD, this surely isn't the way to do it
> i have another one...
>
> Q. What has colourful feathers and has red spots?
>
> A. A chicken with chicken spots!
That sort of thing is sneered at by three year-olds and drunks, so why do you post it here? If you want to get a GAD, this surely isn't the way to do it
Oh my sides are splitting!!!... urgh
A man wearing nothing on his bottom half apart from some cling film, walks into a physchiatrist... the physciatrist turns round and says
"Well I can clearly see you nuts"
Ba dum cha! :D
A man wearing nothing on his bottom half apart from some cling film, walks into a physchiatrist... the physciatrist turns round and says
"Well I can clearly see you nuts"
Ba dum cha! :D
i have another one...
Q. What has colourful feathers and has red spots?
A. A chicken with chicken spots!
Q. What has colourful feathers and has red spots?
A. A chicken with chicken spots!
i have a good joke,
little fly up on the wall
dont you have no sense at all
dont you know that walls been plastered
now your stuck you silly...
little fly up on the wall
dont you have no sense at all
dont you know that walls been plastered
now your stuck you silly...
Here's one:
Three men die and go to heaven. At the gate St. Peter tells them,
"Before you go into heaven, we are going to give you each a
vehicle with which to get around. The way we determine what type
of vehicle you will get is by how faithful you were to your
wives. Now," he says, turning to the first man, "were you true to
your wife?"
"Yes, I was, St. Peter," says the first man. "I never strayed.
From the day I married her to the day I died, I slept with no
woman other than my wife. I loved her very deeply."
"As reward for your complete fidelity," says St. Peter, "I now
give you these keys to a beautiful Roll-Royce."
The man happily accepts the keys, and St. Peter turns to the
second man. "Sir," he says, "were you faithful to you wife?"
Well, St. Peter," says the second man a little shyly, "I must
admit that when I was much younger, I did stray once or twice.
But I did love my wife very much, and after those minor
indiscretions, I was completely faithful until my dying day."
St. Peter looks down at the man and says, "As a reward for good
marital conduct, I am giving you these keys to a Pontiac."
As the man takes the keys from his St. Peter turns to the third
man. "Sir," he says, "were you faithful to you wife?"
"St. Peter," says the man, "I screwed everything I could, every
chance I got. There wasn't a week of my marriage that I didn't
sleep with someone other than, wife. But I must admit to you, St.
Peter, that it was a problem I had, because I really did love my
wife very much."
"Well," says St. Peter, "we do know that you did love your wife
and that does count for something, so this is what you get."
With that he rolls out a ten-speed bicycle and gives it to the
man. The gates of heaven open, and the three men enter
Sometime later the man on the bicycle is riding along, when he
sees that the man with the Rolls Royce has pulled over and is
sitting on the bumper of his car. He is sobbing uncontrollably.
The man pulls his bicycle up next to the man and says, "Hey, pal,
what's the matter? What could possibility be wrong? You have a
beautiful Rolls Royce to drive arround in?"
"I know," say the man through his sobs, "but I just saw my wife
on roller skates!"
Three men die and go to heaven. At the gate St. Peter tells them,
"Before you go into heaven, we are going to give you each a
vehicle with which to get around. The way we determine what type
of vehicle you will get is by how faithful you were to your
wives. Now," he says, turning to the first man, "were you true to
your wife?"
"Yes, I was, St. Peter," says the first man. "I never strayed.
From the day I married her to the day I died, I slept with no
woman other than my wife. I loved her very deeply."
"As reward for your complete fidelity," says St. Peter, "I now
give you these keys to a beautiful Roll-Royce."
The man happily accepts the keys, and St. Peter turns to the
second man. "Sir," he says, "were you faithful to you wife?"
Well, St. Peter," says the second man a little shyly, "I must
admit that when I was much younger, I did stray once or twice.
But I did love my wife very much, and after those minor
indiscretions, I was completely faithful until my dying day."
St. Peter looks down at the man and says, "As a reward for good
marital conduct, I am giving you these keys to a Pontiac."
As the man takes the keys from his St. Peter turns to the third
man. "Sir," he says, "were you faithful to you wife?"
"St. Peter," says the man, "I screwed everything I could, every
chance I got. There wasn't a week of my marriage that I didn't
sleep with someone other than, wife. But I must admit to you, St.
Peter, that it was a problem I had, because I really did love my
wife very much."
"Well," says St. Peter, "we do know that you did love your wife
and that does count for something, so this is what you get."
With that he rolls out a ten-speed bicycle and gives it to the
man. The gates of heaven open, and the three men enter
Sometime later the man on the bicycle is riding along, when he
sees that the man with the Rolls Royce has pulled over and is
sitting on the bumper of his car. He is sobbing uncontrollably.
The man pulls his bicycle up next to the man and says, "Hey, pal,
what's the matter? What could possibility be wrong? You have a
beautiful Rolls Royce to drive arround in?"
"I know," say the man through his sobs, "but I just saw my wife
on roller skates!"
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