The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
This is going to be an ongoing story, so I'll update when I can be bothered. Guess which style it's written in ;-)
ALI BOY'S DIARY
Alcohol Units: 4 (v.bad, should be more)
Cigarettes: 0 (I don’t smoke, so this won’t be of any use)
Calories: (I’m not anally retentive enough to count these)
January 1
V.bad start to New Year. Woke up with strange woman in some heather. Poss have policeman’s helmet on, can’t remember. Reached home at 3pm, very hungover. Will start resolutions tomorrow. Must go round to Rasta’s later. Will bring beer. Splendid.
Beer was bad idea. Now have headache size of Spain. Rasta was smug with new girlfriend. Will call Ant, he is also sad and alone. Maybe will get more beer.
January 2
Alcohol Units: 20 (much better)
Must get back to work today. Will start resolutions today – no more late night drinking, reports in on time, less cheese and talk about monkeys. Not v. sure about last one, might ignore. Meeting up with Ant, Rasta and Grix later. Will chat job and girls. Must call Mum to say Happy Christmas – have delayed so far…
Calling Mum was bad idea. Asked about work.
“ Errr…fine.”
” What is it you do Alan?”
“ I am a journalist mum.”
“ Glad to hear it!”
Mum has small memory – have been journalist and film critic since ’98. Suggest clinic to Dad. Must pick up Ant in taxi and go to bar.
Had great time with lads. Drunk much beer. Slightly drunk. Make that very drunk. Will start resolutions tomorrow.
January 3
Alcohol Units: 5 (sigh)
Cigarettes: (I’ll take it up soon)
Back to work today. Have fit female boss. Never going to happen. Never mind, seeing Lord of the Rings today. Have put off so far due to being drunk since Christmas Eve. Bad plan. Must review soon.
Great film. Boss (called Mystique) praised my review. Called Ant to ask what to do.
“ Ignore her. Funning ignore her till she funning funs you.”
Sound advice from Ant. He is good mate, poss gay, not sure. Definitely camp. Make point to find out. Will see Ant with Rasta and Grix tonight.
Good time. Asked Ant if he was gay. Got punch. Ice helped.
January 4
Alcohol Units: 0 (I must be getting old)
Eye still hurts. Will call Ant later, apologise. Get into work late. Area boss Goatboy is angry. Never mind, will rise in career and laugh at him. At moment he laughs at me. Not good. Will exert revenge. He wants Magnolia Sky review. Bad film. Good review. Apparently am interviewing Tom Cruise later at Ritz. Um, must have good questions. V. important. How about “ How’s life when short?” No, v.bad, more intelligent. Am budding film critic with aspirations of Film Night.
Uh oh. Big problem. Asked Cruise how life was with Nicole. Big mistake, keep up to date on celeb goss. That is supposed to be Stryke’s area. Where is he?
January 5
Alcohol Units: 19 (Getting better)
I am losing touch with women and will die alone. Went to drink with Ant who has forgiven me. He is not gay, as his new girlfriend is at pains to point out. Embarrassment e.t.c. Grix and Rasta arrived later. Rasta has dumped girlfriend for Gamecube. Seems pleased. Leave it at that. Try to chat to fit girl at bar. Fail miserably. Am consoled by lager. Ant and Grix dump me at flat. V.cold and had lost keys. Was preparing for life as tramp and beggar when found keys in pocket.
January 6
Alcohol Units: 5 (Had to work on interview)
Have had good day. Boss Mystique invited me for interview and was poss. Flirting. Not sure. She definitely smiled at me. Am preparing for life as stud. In celebration wrote stunning review. Even Goatboy was almost pleased. Will kill him later. Stryke managed to get gossip to me today. Will not sack him till tomorrow then.
Someone else was sacked, I have new job as top film critic. Goatboy is obviously displeased. Will put laxatives in his tea. Mystique winks at me. Good sign.
Worked late to please Mystique, although she was in meeting. Will not take as bad sign.
Chatted to Grix at KFC. Grix is post graduate student at Oxford. My degree in Media looks pitiful. Will better self. Grix is worried about life. Got him drunk. He felt better. Am great life counsellor and superb friend, as well as career king. Must get girlfriend.
ALI BOY'S DIARY
Alcohol Units: 4 (v.bad, should be more)
Cigarettes: 0 (I don’t smoke, so this won’t be of any use)
Calories: (I’m not anally retentive enough to count these)
January 1
V.bad start to New Year. Woke up with strange woman in some heather. Poss have policeman’s helmet on, can’t remember. Reached home at 3pm, very hungover. Will start resolutions tomorrow. Must go round to Rasta’s later. Will bring beer. Splendid.
Beer was bad idea. Now have headache size of Spain. Rasta was smug with new girlfriend. Will call Ant, he is also sad and alone. Maybe will get more beer.
January 2
Alcohol Units: 20 (much better)
Must get back to work today. Will start resolutions today – no more late night drinking, reports in on time, less cheese and talk about monkeys. Not v. sure about last one, might ignore. Meeting up with Ant, Rasta and Grix later. Will chat job and girls. Must call Mum to say Happy Christmas – have delayed so far…
Calling Mum was bad idea. Asked about work.
“ Errr…fine.”
” What is it you do Alan?”
“ I am a journalist mum.”
“ Glad to hear it!”
Mum has small memory – have been journalist and film critic since ’98. Suggest clinic to Dad. Must pick up Ant in taxi and go to bar.
Had great time with lads. Drunk much beer. Slightly drunk. Make that very drunk. Will start resolutions tomorrow.
January 3
Alcohol Units: 5 (sigh)
Cigarettes: (I’ll take it up soon)
Back to work today. Have fit female boss. Never going to happen. Never mind, seeing Lord of the Rings today. Have put off so far due to being drunk since Christmas Eve. Bad plan. Must review soon.
Great film. Boss (called Mystique) praised my review. Called Ant to ask what to do.
“ Ignore her. Funning ignore her till she funning funs you.”
Sound advice from Ant. He is good mate, poss gay, not sure. Definitely camp. Make point to find out. Will see Ant with Rasta and Grix tonight.
Good time. Asked Ant if he was gay. Got punch. Ice helped.
January 4
Alcohol Units: 0 (I must be getting old)
Eye still hurts. Will call Ant later, apologise. Get into work late. Area boss Goatboy is angry. Never mind, will rise in career and laugh at him. At moment he laughs at me. Not good. Will exert revenge. He wants Magnolia Sky review. Bad film. Good review. Apparently am interviewing Tom Cruise later at Ritz. Um, must have good questions. V. important. How about “ How’s life when short?” No, v.bad, more intelligent. Am budding film critic with aspirations of Film Night.
Uh oh. Big problem. Asked Cruise how life was with Nicole. Big mistake, keep up to date on celeb goss. That is supposed to be Stryke’s area. Where is he?
January 5
Alcohol Units: 19 (Getting better)
I am losing touch with women and will die alone. Went to drink with Ant who has forgiven me. He is not gay, as his new girlfriend is at pains to point out. Embarrassment e.t.c. Grix and Rasta arrived later. Rasta has dumped girlfriend for Gamecube. Seems pleased. Leave it at that. Try to chat to fit girl at bar. Fail miserably. Am consoled by lager. Ant and Grix dump me at flat. V.cold and had lost keys. Was preparing for life as tramp and beggar when found keys in pocket.
January 6
Alcohol Units: 5 (Had to work on interview)
Have had good day. Boss Mystique invited me for interview and was poss. Flirting. Not sure. She definitely smiled at me. Am preparing for life as stud. In celebration wrote stunning review. Even Goatboy was almost pleased. Will kill him later. Stryke managed to get gossip to me today. Will not sack him till tomorrow then.
Someone else was sacked, I have new job as top film critic. Goatboy is obviously displeased. Will put laxatives in his tea. Mystique winks at me. Good sign.
Worked late to please Mystique, although she was in meeting. Will not take as bad sign.
Chatted to Grix at KFC. Grix is post graduate student at Oxford. My degree in Media looks pitiful. Will better self. Grix is worried about life. Got him drunk. He felt better. Am great life counsellor and superb friend, as well as career king. Must get girlfriend.
Page:
Joking, yeah sure you are. You are too beardy to be in my league.
:-)
Keep writing more, loads more.
:-)
Keep writing more, loads more.
Mystique wrote:
>
Hold on isn't Ant like 14?
--
Erm, that would be.....errr....yes. Yes he is. Never mind, eh? You're probably out of AliBoy's league anyway. What am I talking about? I'M out of AliBoy's league. :-)
Only joking Lana.
>
Hold on isn't Ant like 14?
--
Erm, that would be.....errr....yes. Yes he is. Never mind, eh? You're probably out of AliBoy's league anyway. What am I talking about? I'M out of AliBoy's league. :-)
Only joking Lana.
*Notices Aliboy*
*winks*
*winks*
Well done Gaz
Keep it up, we say it all the time coz it is true so you better keep writing or T will be round to open a can of whoopass. I have warned you :-)
Keep it up, we say it all the time coz it is true so you better keep writing or T will be round to open a can of whoopass. I have warned you :-)
Cool, I'm a right sex kitten.
Hold on isn't Ant like 14?
Hold on isn't Ant like 14?
Heheheh. Very well done, although Lana seems to be bullying me a lot. Bah I'll get my revenge... some day...
February 18
Alcohol Units: 's...manylots.
Well, that was a successful night. I have decided all woman want me. Probably a fair proportion of men, too. Look dodgily at Rasta. Surely I'm not that attractive. No, probably not.
Today will be one of those rare days when I actually go to see a film I am reviewing. I decide to treat my new mate, Barmanman Pb, to this "extravanganza of foreign delight". Sounds interesting.
It's a porn film. Called King Dong: The Ape-man Lover. Ah well, never mind. But there was a surprise in store. The star is Mystique. I'm shocked, literally. Pb isn't. He's got with one of the co-stars. Or it could be the big guy's wife. I think I'll run. Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap...
I run away to the pub and have a drink with Grix. Severely smashed, we decide to play darts. I'm not fit enough for it, so end up, somehow, rolling down a hill in lower Oxford dressed in a tutu.
February 19
I take a slash on Rasta. Excellent. Can't remember much for the rest of the day. I think cucumbers were involved...
February 20
Today is a rest day. By this I mean I will do less than b*****,all, when usually I do all. I start the day admirably, by throwing Rasta into a swimming pool on the way to the local for some fags. By the time I remember I don't smoke he has swum back to the edge. Not bad for someone who's as small as Nick-Nack. I kick him back in again. Poor chap.
I watch some T.V today, because I've fallen on the sofa and Rasta hasn't got back yet to make hot bunny-love to his new Gamecube. There's no programming that meets my intellectual needs i.e. Where the hell is all the porn?
Alcohol Units: 's...manylots.
Well, that was a successful night. I have decided all woman want me. Probably a fair proportion of men, too. Look dodgily at Rasta. Surely I'm not that attractive. No, probably not.
Today will be one of those rare days when I actually go to see a film I am reviewing. I decide to treat my new mate, Barmanman Pb, to this "extravanganza of foreign delight". Sounds interesting.
It's a porn film. Called King Dong: The Ape-man Lover. Ah well, never mind. But there was a surprise in store. The star is Mystique. I'm shocked, literally. Pb isn't. He's got with one of the co-stars. Or it could be the big guy's wife. I think I'll run. Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap...
I run away to the pub and have a drink with Grix. Severely smashed, we decide to play darts. I'm not fit enough for it, so end up, somehow, rolling down a hill in lower Oxford dressed in a tutu.
February 19
I take a slash on Rasta. Excellent. Can't remember much for the rest of the day. I think cucumbers were involved...
February 20
Today is a rest day. By this I mean I will do less than b*****,all, when usually I do all. I start the day admirably, by throwing Rasta into a swimming pool on the way to the local for some fags. By the time I remember I don't smoke he has swum back to the edge. Not bad for someone who's as small as Nick-Nack. I kick him back in again. Poor chap.
I watch some T.V today, because I've fallen on the sofa and Rasta hasn't got back yet to make hot bunny-love to his new Gamecube. There's no programming that meets my intellectual needs i.e. Where the hell is all the porn?
Excellent.
Lol, i can picture Rasta singing to his GameCube. :-D
Great stuff.
Great stuff.
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!!!!!!
Brilliant, Gaz :-D
Brilliant, Gaz :-D
Page: