Viewing Thread:
"Why are you so crap?"

At some games, you suck.
It's a given, scientifically proven and there's nothing you can do about it.

I have opposable thumbs, I can manipulate the pad and have the reflexes of a ninja-cat after 21 redbulls.
So why do I suck at certain games?
I bought Tony Hawks 2, and I have the ability of my nan on a skateboard.
Why?

It's not that I can't hold the pad, or I mash the buttons with my face.
My mate can pull off stupid moves, getting 12,000 scores for single jumps.
I smash into the floor and try to use my face to break windows.
This is not right.
I can play strategy games with the best of them, and I own FPS games.
But it's just those ones that require the dexterity of a Yogi Master that fail me.

I sit and sulk whilst my mate obviously lies about the controls, because he's The Fonz on a skateboard, whilst I am more like a mannequin strapped on for fun.
I know he lies about the moves, he just doesn't want me to beat him.
It's not that I suck, it's that he lies.

Obviously.

So, Hooplah, you cur:
I shall teach myself the moves and then you belong to me.
(Can you just show me once more how to do that twist jump thing please?)

Bah, stupid pad twisty games.
Street Fighter? Combo moves requiring semi-circles and 3 buttons to push to get them to work?
If I had that time and ability, I'd learn the moves myself and fight evil-doers.
But nooooo, I sit and watch 7yr olds kick my face off whilst I wrestle with the pad and swear loudly before lighting a cigarette and refusing to talk to anyone for 2 minutes.

Give me games I can play please, not games that make me look stupid.
Thank you for listening.

Yep.
Fighty games make me feel stupid and I always, always lose.

What kind of multi-fingered monster thought those things up?
Tekken had it about right, two buttons together and that's it.
I just can't manage to get my fingers to do that all at once, I get the impression in 40years there will be loads of gnarly fingered old geezers being laughed at by their grandkids because we used to play games with joypads instead of brainwaves.

Fighty Games and RPG, I am the worst player in the world.

I can hammer away at buttons on the pads realy fast and with some rythm (through much practice at the mini games on pokemon stadium and old games like hyper sports and daley thompsons decathalon) but no matter how much I try I can never pull off any combos on any beat em ups.
Its not that that I lack the required skill its somewhere between the beginning and the end I lose.

Not at all.

I don't mind losing or failing because I suck.
I do mind not getting anywhere because I forgot to swap my water-bottle for some peardrops to defeat the dragon that lives in the mountain.

Christ I hate RPGs...which reminds me, I'm going to pop my "Why RPGS wind me up" thread.

Ever tried playing a beat em up with the analogue stick?

Near damn impossible to pull off a move.

RPG's not your thing then Goaty? :D

While I'm at it:

MYST

Why? Why make a game so bloody hard? Nothing in the manual to help, no clue as to why you are there and what you should do.

Stephen Hawkings broke down into tears when I phoned him to ask for help.
MYST...who the hell actually finished that game without downloading a walkthrough?

(and before you reply with "I did", you're lying. OR, tell me how you completed it in less than 250,000 words)

Vektor wrote:
> I think to be an RPG games player you have to be born with great patience,
> without this very important aspect you will be stuck trying to play without
> talking to anyone. Thus getting no clues/items that could be vital to
> progressing in your quest.


I think that's it with the RPG genre.
I just can't be bothered to spend 30 mins chatting to some dusty old goon in a tavern so he'll give me some stick of Vwammeeja to swap for an apple to get past the goblin etc etc.

I usually play for 10 mins then wander about trying to start fights with kids and threatening old people with my magic dustbin of Bwagnapp.

Rubbish games and I am really, really bad at them.

I did that with some RPG game, got my bloke statted up and took him online, spent my time wandering around various taverns asking other players if they had "any gear" and saying "you can touch me if you want to, I don't mind".

What pointless games.
And I suck at them.

But, trying to better myself, I went back to some fighty-games that involve button-combo things and just looked like the pad was trying to escape my hands.

I don't know why, I can play the drums which means my arms and legs do seperate things at the same time, but stick me in front of street-fighter and I turn into a complete goober.

Mind you, thanks to a suggestion here, I got some cheats for Tony Hawks 2 and now I have Spiderman smashing into walls, which still means I suck but it's funny to hurt the webslinger.

The only game i hav ever really been stuck on is Magic Carpet. At the time i had it, it had great graphics but i did not have a clue what to do...so i just started to fly about and that was it...

I haven't got a game I wasn't good at. Send your games to me and we shall see if they beat me. :D

I cannot play basketball games at all. I haven't got a clue why.

Every game that I buy I normally become good at eventually, but basketball games, no chance at all.