Viewing Thread:
"Why are you so crap?"

At some games, you suck.
It's a given, scientifically proven and there's nothing you can do about it.

I have opposable thumbs, I can manipulate the pad and have the reflexes of a ninja-cat after 21 redbulls.
So why do I suck at certain games?
I bought Tony Hawks 2, and I have the ability of my nan on a skateboard.
Why?

It's not that I can't hold the pad, or I mash the buttons with my face.
My mate can pull off stupid moves, getting 12,000 scores for single jumps.
I smash into the floor and try to use my face to break windows.
This is not right.
I can play strategy games with the best of them, and I own FPS games.
But it's just those ones that require the dexterity of a Yogi Master that fail me.

I sit and sulk whilst my mate obviously lies about the controls, because he's The Fonz on a skateboard, whilst I am more like a mannequin strapped on for fun.
I know he lies about the moves, he just doesn't want me to beat him.
It's not that I suck, it's that he lies.

Obviously.

So, Hooplah, you cur:
I shall teach myself the moves and then you belong to me.
(Can you just show me once more how to do that twist jump thing please?)

Bah, stupid pad twisty games.
Street Fighter? Combo moves requiring semi-circles and 3 buttons to push to get them to work?
If I had that time and ability, I'd learn the moves myself and fight evil-doers.
But nooooo, I sit and watch 7yr olds kick my face off whilst I wrestle with the pad and swear loudly before lighting a cigarette and refusing to talk to anyone for 2 minutes.

Give me games I can play please, not games that make me look stupid.
Thank you for listening.

Black and White.

I was terible at that. Took me about 5 hours before I even got my first monkey. Then it starved to death when I couldn't find any sheep. I would've eaten some villagers, but I had trouble catching them.

I stopped playing it after I realised I was too crap to complete any of the scroll tasks...

"Save the drowning men" it said
What men? I can't see any damn men in the lake.
They drowned.

I kept losing my creature, too. I never actually made it as far as fighting other gods. I had enough trouble worrying about my creature, let alone theirs.

Try Cossacks for stupid hard game.

One mission you have 11 archers, and you run into 2 battalions of the enemy on horseback with guns and stuff.

I promptly ate my own face and smashed my computer up with my fat ginger dog.

RTS's!!!

Age of Empires.

Great game, they said, perfectly balanced, they said. Bollards I said.

My man is still thumping his chest and picking berries of a bush when the computer has made bloody nuclear submarines and assaulting me from their lunar base.

Complete tosh.

Oh you will.
Read the other posts here, people have discovered certain genres that just defeat them.

We can practice for ever, but we will still sit and there and cry because we just can't get the hang of something.

Really?

In that case, I've yet to meet a game like this.

I'll tell you if I do though.

Strafex wrote:
> You're crap at any game until you practice and master it.

Goaty
> played a skateboarding game that he'd never played before. Ofcourse he was crap
> at it.
However, if he practiced it for a day or two, he'd soon get a grip of
> the controls, skill and timing.


That wasn't my point.
I've played Tony Hawks 1, Dave Mirra etc and it's nothing to do with practice.
It's do with some primal part of my brain refusing to grasp the concept of button-mashing and I fall to the floor.

I can practice forever, and still my hands spasm and my head hurt with rage.
Button-combos just make me mental.

You're crap at any game until you practice and master it.

I remember when I first played Sonic the Hedgehog on the Master System. I used to die so easily at the easiest points. Mario Land on the Snes, I'd regularly die on the first few levels.

I came back to them a few years later as a practiced platformer and completed them.

Through playing the N64, I've managed to get the hang of Smash Brothers (which everyone is crap at at first because it's a completely new style of game that's not been done before), Goldeneye and Perfect Dark (I'm a headshot master), Mario Kart and F-Zero X (each racer seems to be different, it's all about learning the controls and techniques.)
When I got F-Zero on the Gameboy, it was so different to the N64 version in terms of handling and control that I was hopeless at it for ages.
Now I'm beginning to get a grip.

Goaty played a skateboarding game that he'd never played before. Ofcourse he was crap at it.
However, if he practiced it for a day or two, he'd soon get a grip of the controls, skill and timing.


Being good at a game comes with practice.
I have 2 brothers to practice multiplayer against.

When the Gamecube goes broadband, I WILL RULE THE GAMING WEB!!!




... ahem ...

Ok, I think installing the games onto my PC is hard! if it doesn't just say "click here and everything will install" then I get confused Operation Flashpoint won't work!

Im crap at shooting games- always miss.

For me it's F1 games, I go sliding off the track and into the gravel at every given opertunity. They turn so slowly, I can handle the straights but well thats about it.

Too much Mario Kart playing I think :D