Viewing Thread:
"Let you entertain me"

I'm still here, and will be through the night. Entertain me with funny stories, jokes and annecdotes - basically just make my night that bit more bearable.

*Note to Tony - still working, obviously*

Whooo Style! wrote:
> Two in one post, aren't you lucky, I think I've used up most of my
> supplies now though ; )

A burglar is trying to break into a
> Blacksmiths shop, and on hearing him the guard dog makes a bolt for
> the door.


Rude one:

A man walks into a bar with am ostrich
> and a cat. The man asks for 3 pints of lager, the 3 drink them ,
> then the ostrich goes to the bar and gets 3 more pints in. Then the
> man again, and the ostrich gets some more in, but the cat refuses to
that is best joke i have heard for some time
> buy a round.

The barman asks the man "Why wont the cat get a
> round in?"

The man replies "Well I found a magic lamp,
> and a genie said he'd grant me any wish."

"Wow"
> the barman says "What did you ask for?"

"I asked
> for a bird with long legs and a tight p***y......"

Whooo Style! wrote:

"I asked
> for a bird with long legs and a tight p***y......"


ROFL

Ant wrote:
> RastaBillySkank wrote:
> I was nearly weeing myself with
> laughter when I heard ant c***-up
> yesterday.

"Behold,
> the Star Wars RPG is now being... Oh
> sh!te" *High pitched
> laugh in backround*

:-D

Hey Snuggly, if you want a laugh, you
> really should listen to this. I mucked-up yesterday saying a line
> for Grix's Animated FOG Stories, and as RBS says, it's
> hilarious.

I'm glad I entertained you RBS.

Yeah!

Ive heard this and it is actually quite funny especially coming from a person that you would consider a nice boy :P

Only joking dude!

:D

Some of them are good. Some of them made me laugh.

Two in one post, aren't you lucky, I think I've used up most of my supplies now though ; )

A burglar is trying to break into a Blacksmiths shop, and on hearing him the guard dog makes a bolt for the door.


Rude one:

A man walks into a bar with am ostrich and a cat. The man asks for 3 pints of lager, the 3 drink them , then the ostrich goes to the bar and gets 3 more pints in. Then the man again, and the ostrich gets some more in, but the cat refuses to buy a round.

The barman asks the man "Why wont the cat get a round in?"

The man replies "Well I found a magic lamp, and a genie said he'd grant me any wish."

"Wow" the barman says "What did you ask for?"

"I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight p***y......"

I'm not appreciated here. Come on people, even some lol's or heh's would be appreciated, come on Ali, what do ya think?

This bloke was sat at the cup final with an empty seat next to him, another bloke came along and said, "Is anyone sat there?"

The first bloke says "Nah".

The second bloke then says, "What kind of idiot buys a ticket for the final and doesn't show up?"

The first bloke says, "That seat's mine, my wife recently passed away and we always watched the cup final together."

The second bloke says, "Oh, that's a shame, haven't you got any friends or relatives to come along with you?"

The first bloke says, "Nah, they're all at the funeral"

Dringo walks into Iceland and he gets attacked by a giant penguin weilding a Dr Pepper Screaming:

BUY ONE GET ONE FREE!!!!

(Don't ask)

A man was driving down the road and broke down near a monastery. He went to the monastery and knocked on the door. An elderly monk answered the door, and he said,
"My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously welcomed him into the monastery, fed him dinner, even fixed his car. As the man tried to fall asleep, he heard a strange sound. The next morning, he asked the monks what the sound was, but they said,
"We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man was disappointed, but thanked them and went on his way.

Some years later, the same man broke down in front of the same monastery. The monks welcomed him, fed him, even fixed his car. That night, he heard the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asked what the noise was, but the monks replied,
"We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man said, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. How do I become a monk?"
The monks replied, "You must travel the Earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand grains. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk." The man set about his task.

Forty-five years later, he returned and knocked on the door of the monastery. He said, "I have travelled the Earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand grains on the Earth."

The monks replied, "Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound."
The monks led the man to a wooden door, where the head monk said,
"The sound is right behind that door."

The man reached for the knob, but the door was locked. He said, "Real funny. may I have the key?"

The monks gave him the key, and he opened the door. Behind the wooden door was another door made of stone. The man demanded the key to the stone door.

The monks gave him the key, and he opened it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demanded another key from the monks, who provided it.

Behind that door was another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks said,
"This is the last key to the last door."
The man was relieved to no end.

He unlocked the door.

He turned the knob.

And behind that door he was amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But I can't tell you what it was because you're not a monk.

Thats odd. try it again. It usually works.

This joke has been modded slightly and I thought I'd pick on Rob coz he's a mate and will know I'm only havin a laugh



Turbonutter goes to Asda. He buys a microwave lasagne for one, one can of lager and a single portion of trifle.

He gets to the checkout and the assistant is ringing his shopping through the till.

She looks up at him and says,
"You're a single bloke aren't you?"

He looks amazed she can predict that and says back,
"Yes I am. How do you know?"

She looks up at him and replies,
"Because you're bloody ugly!!!!"