Viewing Thread:
"Let you entertain me"

I'm still here, and will be through the night. Entertain me with funny stories, jokes and annecdotes - basically just make my night that bit more bearable.

*Note to Tony - still working, obviously*

have you seen the stick men fighting animations? They are really good.

If your really bored go to www.rathergood.com and have a luck at the animations. They're very weird but VERY funny.

Ok please don't take offence from any of these.

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, the other four.
The nine-year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.
The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your Mom, huh.?" The nine-year old shakes his head and replies, Nope, not for my Mom."
Cashier: "Well, they must be for your sister then?"
Nine-year old: "Nope, not for my sister either."
Cashier, curious now: "If they're not for your Mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"
The nine-year old says, "They're for my four-year old brother."
Surprised, the cashier asks, "Your little brother right here??"
Nine year old explains: "Well, yeah! They say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike, and my little brother can't do either!"

It was a rather loud disturbance in the wee hours of the morning outside the pub...

An Irishman (Pat, of course) wandered back and forth on the sidewalk into the street; onto the sidewalk and back into the street in front of the pub,
hollering and swearing as he stumbled back and forth while holding half a pint in one hand and a key in the other...

A small crowd begins to grow and, finally, the constables arrive on the scene. Seeing that what they were dealing with is one rather inebriated and irate
young man, one approached him and asked, "Can I help you lad?"

"Yesss, schur," the Irishman slurred. "sshumbody stoll me car!"

"Well now, lad," the constable inquires. "Where was your car last time you saw it?"

Waiving his hand in the air in front of him, as if to put it into the ignition, the Irishman "Wey, it was at the eind of me key." At about this time the other
cop has noticed that the Irishman's zipper is down -- and it all there to be seen..., so he quietly asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

The Irishman looks down, drops his shoulders woefully and moans "OOH ME GOD... they got me girl too!!!"

A man goes into a doctors, gets his c**k out and says "Here, have a look at this"

The doctor has a look at it and he says "There's nothing wrong with it Mr. Jones"

He says "I know it's a beauty, isn't it?"

are you bored? and also why you working so late?

Here's a quickie for you. I used it here the other day but it is a classic.

A white horse walked into a pub and ordered a pint of beer.

The barman said, "Did you know that this pub is named after you?

And the horse replied, "What Dave?"

Aye.

Snuggly are you still around???

More from jokes in you email.


Crazy Quotes


Our strength is that we don't have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we
don't have any real strengths.
-- Frank Broyles, college football coach


Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below
100 points they almost always win.
-- Doug Collins, basketball commentator


I wanted all my ducks in a row so if we did get into a posture we could
pretty much slam-dunk this thing and put it to bed.
-- Lee Cooke, mayor of Austin, TX, abusing cliches


Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand.
-- Duffy Daugherty, football coach and sports analyst


A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
-- Samuel Goldwyn

Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.
-- Hong Kong dental advertisement


He was probably our greatest living painter -- until he died.
-- LBC British Television News


How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby.
-- Manufacturer


The people don't take baths and they don't speak English. No golf courses,
no room service. Who needs it?
-- Jim McMahon, NFL football quarterback, on Europe


Can't act. Can't sing. Balding. Can dance a little.
-- MGM summary of a screen test by some guy named Fred Astaire

From my jokes in you email email




The New Employee


The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

"Need some help?" a secretary asked.

"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"

"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it
into the shredder.

"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"


The Perfect Mate

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect
mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst
company. He must be musical, tell jokes, sing, and stay home at night!"

An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"