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Seriously, some of us want to laugh for a while please.
I'll start:
What's white and swings through the jungle?
Tarzan The Fridge
(hey I know it sucks but c'mon, gimme a break, how many jokes about fridges do you know?)
er..Nike sucks and Steps can't sing.
I'll start:
What's white and swings through the jungle?
Tarzan The Fridge
(hey I know it sucks but c'mon, gimme a break, how many jokes about fridges do you know?)
er..Nike sucks and Steps can't sing.
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A Chief executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Mary and Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Mary came in the next morning, hugely hungover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the executive approached her and said,
"Mary, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."
Mary replied: "Could you jack off? I have a terrible headache."
"Mary, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."
Mary replied: "Could you jack off? I have a terrible headache."
One day Dracula is walking down the street when suddenly 10 tons of smoked salmon sandwiches, bridge rolls, pitted olives, chicken wings, chipolatas, pizza slices & crisps descends on him from a great height, and knocks him to the ground.
"Oh no!" he gasps with his dying breath....
"It's Buffet the Vampire slayer!!"
"Oh no!" he gasps with his dying breath....
"It's Buffet the Vampire slayer!!"
Well, Musketeer liked them so I'll keep going.
A burglar is trying to break into a Blacksmiths shop, and on hearing him the guard dog makes a bolt for the door.
A burglar is trying to break into a Blacksmiths shop, and on hearing him the guard dog makes a bolt for the door.
I'm having second thoughts about that. I apologise to anyone it may upset.
Erm, not sure if I should does this one but hey, it is funny, and it's not too close to recent events, so here we go.
An american and 2 british men were bored.
So the first Brit says "What are we gonna do?"
The american says "Let's go to Blackpool"
So they get on a train and go. When they get to Blackpool the first Brit says "What are we gonna do now?"
The american says "Let's go up Blackpool tower"
So they all go up. When they get to the top the first Brit says "Now what are we gonna do?"
"Right, I bet you that you can jump off Blackpool tower and the wind is so strong that you'll circulate and land back where you started" said the american to the second Brit.
"Oh no no no I dont think so" said the Brit.
"Look I'll show you" and the american jumps off of the top circulates and lands back where he started. "Right" he says "You have a go".
"OK" said the Brit. So he jumps straight off the top, falls all the way to the bottom and dies. The first Brit says "Do you know what Superman? You can be a right cruel sod at times"
An american and 2 british men were bored.
So the first Brit says "What are we gonna do?"
The american says "Let's go to Blackpool"
So they get on a train and go. When they get to Blackpool the first Brit says "What are we gonna do now?"
The american says "Let's go up Blackpool tower"
So they all go up. When they get to the top the first Brit says "Now what are we gonna do?"
"Right, I bet you that you can jump off Blackpool tower and the wind is so strong that you'll circulate and land back where you started" said the american to the second Brit.
"Oh no no no I dont think so" said the Brit.
"Look I'll show you" and the american jumps off of the top circulates and lands back where he started. "Right" he says "You have a go".
"OK" said the Brit. So he jumps straight off the top, falls all the way to the bottom and dies. The first Brit says "Do you know what Superman? You can be a right cruel sod at times"
Mike and Maureen landed on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles.
They met a Martian couple and were talking about all sorts of things. Mike asked if Mars had a stock market if they had laptop computers and how they made money.
Finally Maureen brought up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked Maureen.
The male Martian responded "Pretty much the way you do."
A discussion ensued and finally the couples decided to swap partners for the night (for the sake of science, of course).
Maureen and the male Martian went off to a bedroom where the Martian stripped. Maureen was disappointed to find that he had a teeny weeny member about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," said Maureen.
"Why?" he asked. "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replied "it's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap his member grew until it was impressively long.
"Well," she said "that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow."
"No problem," he said and started pulling his ears. With each pull his member grew wider and wider.
"Wow!" she exclaimed. They fell into bed and made mad passionate love.
The next day the couples joined their normal partners and went their separate ways.
As they walked along Mike asked, "Well was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," said Maureen "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replied. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
They met a Martian couple and were talking about all sorts of things. Mike asked if Mars had a stock market if they had laptop computers and how they made money.
Finally Maureen brought up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked Maureen.
The male Martian responded "Pretty much the way you do."
A discussion ensued and finally the couples decided to swap partners for the night (for the sake of science, of course).
Maureen and the male Martian went off to a bedroom where the Martian stripped. Maureen was disappointed to find that he had a teeny weeny member about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," said Maureen.
"Why?" he asked. "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replied "it's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap his member grew until it was impressively long.
"Well," she said "that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow."
"No problem," he said and started pulling his ears. With each pull his member grew wider and wider.
"Wow!" she exclaimed. They fell into bed and made mad passionate love.
The next day the couples joined their normal partners and went their separate ways.
As they walked along Mike asked, "Well was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," said Maureen "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replied. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
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