Viewing Thread:
"Know any good jokes?"

Seriously, some of us want to laugh for a while please.

I'll start:

What's white and swings through the jungle?
Tarzan The Fridge

(hey I know it sucks but c'mon, gimme a break, how many jokes about fridges do you know?)

er..Nike sucks and Steps can't sing.

What do you call a Spanish dog with no back-legs?

Grassy-***e

VenomByte wrote:
> A blonde woman is tired of being steriotyped as stupid, and decided
> to dye her hair brown. She does so, and all goes well. Nobody makes
> any jokes about her being stupid.

The next morning, she is
> driving to work and has to stop for some sheep crossing a country
> lane. She speaks to the farmer:

"If I can guess how many
> sheep you have there, can I have one?"

The farmer decided
> that this is fair enough, and lets her try. A few moments later, she
> rpelies

"85"

"Correct! That's quite impressive.
> Okay, come and choose one."

So the blonde with the dyed hair
> looks around, and carefully selects the most playful, friendly one
> she can find, and takes it back to her car, where the farmer speaks
> to her:

"Now I have a proposal for you: If I can guess the
> true colour of your hair, can I have my sheepdog back?"


LOL, Excellent.

Two men are in a field. One says to the other "Do you want some bacon?"
"Where from?" The other asks.
"That bacon tree over there" says the first.
"Okay, I'll have two rashers please".
The man walks over to the tree, but just as he is about to pick the bacon, five men jump out from behind and start shooting at him, as he runs away.
"What happened?" asked the second man.
"It wasn't a bacon tree, it turned out to be a H'ambush"!!

I know it sucks, but bear with me!!!

A blonde woman is tired of being steriotyped as stupid, and decided to dye her hair brown. She does so, and all goes well. Nobody makes any jokes about her being stupid.

The next morning, she is driving to work and has to stop for some sheep crossing a country lane. She speaks to the farmer:

"If I can guess how many sheep you have there, can I have one?"

The farmer decided that this is fair enough, and lets her try. A few moments later, she rpelies

"85"

"Correct! That's quite impressive. Okay, come and choose one."

So the blonde with the dyed hair looks around, and carefully selects the most playful, friendly one she can find, and takes it back to her car, where the farmer speaks to her:

"Now I have a proposal for you: If I can guess the true colour of your hair, can I have my sheepdog back?"

Shaggy, Britney Spears and Craig Davis walk into a bar.
Some ones farts.

Craig Davis says- "I'm walking away"

Shaggy says- "It Wasn't me"

And Britney Spears says- 'Oops, I did it again"

ha ha ha ha

(sorry)
BLAH!

a man walks into a bar OUCH

sorry that was awful but it was worth a try

*

"Irish Shopping
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini,
each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the
jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the
Irishman started to leave. "S' cuse me", said a customer,
who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was
that all about?" "Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just
sent me out for a jar of olives!"

Times were tough so when a job came up at the zoo Jon was the first one there. On arrival he was told that the gorilla had just died and he was to wear
a gorilla suit and pretend to be a gorilla until another one could be found. Jon loved his job - eating bananas, swinging from branch to branch,
entertaining visitors, lying about in the sun.... Then one day he swung a bit too far and ended up in the lion enclosure. He jumped to his feet when he
saw two lions growling fiercely and ran to the fence and screamed for help. Then as he turned back to face the lions one said, "If you don't stop
screaming and shouting we'll all lose our jobs!"


Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, the other four.
The nine-year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.
The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your Mom, huh.?" The nine-year old shakes his head and replies, Nope, not for my Mom."
Cashier: "Well, they must be for your sister then?"
Nine-year old: "Nope, not for my sister either."
Cashier, curious now: "If they're not for your Mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"
The nine-year old says, "They're for my four-year old brother."
Surprised, the cashier asks, "Your little brother right here??"
Nine year old explains: "Well, yeah! They say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike, and my little brother can't do either!"

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. After a few minutes he starts dialing numbers...like a telephone...but on the back of his hand. He then flips his
hand over and starts talking into the palm of his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any
trouble from weirdos here. The guy says "You don't understand, I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the
cellular." The bartender says "Prove it!", so the guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and
carries on a brief conversation. "That's incredible" says the bartender, "I would never have believed it!" "Yeah" said the guy, "I can keep in touch with
my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?" The bartender directs him to the men's room. The guy goes in, and 5, 10, 20
minutes go by and he doesn't return. Fearing the worst, given the violence in the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room. The guy is
spread-eagle against the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper shoved up his butt. "Oh my God!" said the bartender. "Did the
locals rob you" Are you hurt?" The guy casually turns around and says, "No, I'm OK. I'm just waiting for a fax."