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"FoG Story. Only contribute if, A) You're good at writing, B) YOU STICK TO THE PLOT!!"

FM licked the first three fingers of his right hand and stroked his eyebrows, smoothing them down. He turned at, white robes with simple gold embroidery down the front swishing around him as he heard the guard approach.

FM was standing in a simple square room, with four braziers, one in each corner, all burning different colours. These weren’t normal flames however, as they did not give off coloured light, and the room remained smokeless, with a white light seeming to emanate from the walls and floor, with no shadows forming. In the middle of the room were two pedestals, about four feet apart. On top of them was a box. In it was FM’s father. FM turned as the guard stopped, bowing.

“Master.” Said Sniper, raising his head, looking into FM’s cold, hard eyes.
“You have your mission? You are ready to leave?”
“Yes Master.”
“Good.” FM turned back to look at the coffin, licking his fingers and rubbings his eyebrows again as he spoke. “This is just the first part my friend. I will have my revenge, I do not know when, but I will/”
“Yes Master.” There was an edge of concern in Snipers voice.
“What is wrong, my friend?”
“I do not know, Master. I think I am worrying with no reason.”
“Ah. You are concerned about the book, yes?” Sniper lowered his eyes. “Do not fear. I will find the book. MY magic grows with each passing month, soon I will have the power needed to find the book. Then, when it is mine, I will have unimaginable power!” FM felt a shiver run up his spine as he closed his eyes, imagining the power he would wield. He looked at Sniper. “You have your orders.”
“Yes Master Meister.”
“Go. Be swift, and do not fail me.” Sniper turned and left the room.

FM turned back to the coffin. As he walked around it, his fingers traced the inscription carved into the stone. He knew them all, word for word, but their feel comforted him. They were instructions on how to travel the underworld.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Wrath exploded through Meka’s mind. He screamed “No!” in a murderous rage as he leapt off the rock. With both hands he brought the sword up while still in mid-air. When he hit the ground he recoiled, swinging it around from behind in an arc. The sword whistled with its speed. The man had turned as Meka hit the ground. Seeing Meka coming, he brought his own sword up defensively, with lightning speed.

Meka watched as if in a dream as his sword come around. Every ounce of his strength went into trying to make the sword go truer, go faster. Be deadlier. The magic raged with his need. Meka looked from the mans sword, hard into the steel blue eyes. Mekas sword followed the track of his eyes, he heard himself still screaming. The man held his sword straight up, to deflect the blow.

Everything else around the man dissolved in Mekas vision. His anger, the magic, was unleashed like never before. No power on earth could deny him the mans blood.

He finished his arc, the sword coming round at eye height to the side of the mans head. It shattered through the mans sword, and exploded through his chainmail hood, bits of molten twisted metal flying off into the undergrowth. The sword continued its journey, making contact with the mans skull, and continuing through, out the other side of his head.

Bits of bone blood and brain flew up into the air as the early morning air was filled with a cloud of red mist. Steaks of blood covered Meka, dripped down his body, dribbled off his sword as he slowly lowered the point to the ground.

The mans body crumpled slowly to the ground, blood pumping out over the ground, mixing with the puddles already there. Meka could feel the cold mist help cool his body.

“Meka!” Meka awoke, a sheen of sweat over his whole body. “Meka, my brother, are you alright?” asked Grix.
“It was that dream.”
“Again?” Meka nodded in reply.
“Come on, get up, we have to meet the others soon.”
“Who?”
“You know, the others from the village. Dan2K1, Venombyte and Ant.”
“What about er-no, and YH?”
“They said they had something to do. They will meet us later.” Grix helped his brother to sit up.
“Ok, give me a few minutes." Grix nodded and left the room. Meka put his head in his hands as he thought about the dream.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Master Meister?” FM looked around.
“Yes?”
“I have some bad news Lord, about Sniper.”
“He hasn’t dies again has he?”
“Yes Lord, he fell off his horse.”
“How did that kill him?”
“Into the moat.”
“He can swim.”
“Yes Lord, but as he tried to climb out, he must have pulled the lever, the one you ordered put in?”
“I vaguely remember.”
“That let the piranhas in.”
“Ah. I should have expected something like this. He has a whole bloody palace to have his accidents in. I put all that sponge about so he wouldn’t hurt himself, and yet he falls into the piranha moat. Amazing. Nevermind, he will be back by now. Tell him to continue with his task. Tell him to be more careful next time.”

"hm. As I understand it..." said FM, fiddling with some levers, "this is not just a time machine, but a place machine as well."

"a...place...machine?" asked pb, knowing full well that it needed a question like this to be asked as a part of the narrative.

"Yes. A place machine. A kind of matter transporter, for want of a better word..." replied FM as he keyed in a few numbers and pressed a big red button with 'Press' written on it in big black letters.

A whirring noise was followed by a couple of flashing lights and then silence.

"Ah. We've arrived. If you'd like to step outside gentlemen...er..and dwarves..." FM motioned to the door that had now appeared in the other side of the shed.

They exited (stage right) and found themselves in a clearing next to the dwarves cottage.

"Nice place." said Grix as they entered the cottage and hung their jackets and coats up. "er..nice home cinema?" he added as he looked around.

Many years later a decendant of Turbonutter finds an old website with a few rather odd stories...

---------

"Anyway, what matters is... we're running out of fuel."

"Fuel, smuel." FM said, as he smacked the side panels a few times. "The real problem is we ain't got no bananas."

As it would seem predictable for Pb to repeat FM's last word, he refused to. Instead, he simply looked around the shed, and scratched behind his ears, pretending that he wasn't actually confused.

"The island runs off bananas?"

"No, the island runs due to a highly complicated pulley system which powers the motor. A lone monkey operates it."

Plot mess up number one: The monkey would have to be quite a few billion years old, however, in the next scene, he doesn't look a day over 7. This could be explained by calling it a "magical" monkey. But it will not.

"Ok..." Pb said, forgotten already that he wasn't supposed to be getting confused. "So, how many bananas do we need?"

"Hey!" Shouted Ant... "I've found a banana tree RIGHT on this island! Wasn't that easy?"

Your Honour held Grix back as he tried to... in his own words: "Make sure it's done properly this time."

---------

After calming Grix down from the very easy way of getting a few bananas, FM called on the autocom [A simple device that even a monkey could use] and told the monkey that they had some bananas.

A small shaft opened up, and a voice boomed thoughtout the small shed.

"ONLY ONE MUST ENTER, NO MORE."

They all walked though.

---------

"My bananas, I shall presume?"

The monkey spoke peering down it's nose at FM.

"Don't even bother talking I know the answer already. You may leave now, and next time do take heed of the warnings, they are there for your safety."

"What abo..."

"He shall be removed from the cogs and shall be sent back up to you, I think he's the one that gets killed every now and again? Hmmm? You're lucky it wasn't one of you less gifted people, the scum that you are."

The monkey scratched his head and bottom at the same time.

"I believe I told you to leave?"

They turned away, leaving the monkey to it's own devices.

"What a pretentious monkey." Grix said, as they walked off.

"Leave him alone..." FM said, "You would be a bit full of yourself if you were trapped inside alone for a few billion years." FM took hold of one foot.

"Actually, I'd probably be a bit dead." Grix said, taking hold of the other. They both pulled hard, and Sniper popped out again. And left him on the floor in a pile of bones and blood.

They looked away.

And looked back.

Sniper told them that this place smelled.

Fm looked at Venombyte's diary and tutted again. "Look, do you have to make everything seem like a scene from Braveheart?" he said "We just caught them and tied them up, it wasn't at all bloody."

"Well it sounds more interesting than in reality." said Venombyte sulkily.

"Ok, just hope that no historians get their hands on it in years to come."

The group of... well, let's call them 'adventurers' for want of a better word. The group of adventurers retreated as the dwarfs approached.

AS the dwarfs got closer, they realised they weren't really all that scary.

"They're only four inches tall" said FM. "Why didn't we notice that earlier?"

"Poor description by the author?" suggested YH.

"No matter anyway. I daresay we can defeat them now, which is just as well seeing as there's not a lot else going to happen with them while we're 50,000 feet up in the air."

And so our intrepid heroes (does that sound better than adventurers?) bravely approached the hordes of savage 4-inch dwarfs.

A short but bloody fracas ensued, with quite horrendous casualties inflicted....

-----------------

The weary explorers (that a better word?) surveyed the scene of their impressive victory.

"Any casualties?" asked Meka

FM nodded to Snipers torn and bloodied, lifeless body laying limp on the lush lawn of the levitating land.

"What now then?" asked Grix

"Hey guys!" shouted Ant "There's this dial in the control shed, and the needle is pointing away from the 'F' and towards the red 'E'. What does that mean?"

"No problem" said Ecstatic. "It's all quite simple. There's a button at the bottom of the stairs which raises a set of moving stairs towards the shed. This is how we got up here so quickly." He motioned to the stairs below them and after pressing the 'reverse' button, they watched the stairs change direction so that they were running downwards.

Ant came out from behind the dwarves. "Guys, glad to see you."

"Ok." said Grix, still slightly puzzled, "How exactly DID you get to be alive again?"

"Well, I went to heaven and didn't really like it. Being a good Christian, God gave me another chance and grabbed my body from the sea, then put my soul back into it."

"That would explain the ragged look and the small fish bites on your legs then." said YH.

"Anyway," interupted Nervy. "Can't we just get going?"

They all got on the moving stairs, which carried them to the jungle floor below. Sniper was the last one down and as he got off the stairs his sleeve got caught in the button mechinism and his hand snapped back on the button, making the stairs whizz back up the other way at full speed. They all watched as Sniper zoomed back up the stairs and was launched into the sky, then waited for him to land right next to them with a hefty thud.

"One more thing..." said Grix. "Did we really go back in time or not?"

"Forward." said FM, who was skilled in the matters of time travel. "As a matter of fact we missed 2 hours of time, which probably explains how the Dwarves managed to get here so quickly."

"So will we ever know what happened in those two hours?" asked pb.

"Oh, I dare say it will become a useful plot device later on..." said FM offhandedly.

"You know... something tells me that we didn't actually go back in time."

"And how can dwarfs go up the stairs, when we're at the bottom of them anyway?"

"BAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Grix stopped asking himself questions. "PLOT RECAP PLEASE!"

"As far as I can tell... The boat sank, Ant died, we came to this island, pressed a button, rose into the sky. In the meantime, Ant survived after we buried him, for some reason..."

"Did Dan_Uk write?"

"Yeah."

"Ah."

"But we don't know Ant is alive. Err... then, we went under the island and found the control shed, came up, killed Sniper, and these dwarfs in wooden helicopters came along. So... then we went back into the control shed, to go to some year anytime but now. When the dust settled, we seemed to be in the same place, and now there are TWO sets of dwarfs. One on the island, and one in some helicopters, but then they crashed a bit, and are now tied up. And now we've been invited to the dwarfs cottage... but we're still several thousand miles above the sea."

"Damn..." Snake said, scratching his head.

"So we don't know Ant is alive."

"No."

"Ok."

"So what year are we in then, has anyone bought a calender yet?"

"I think we're still exactly where we started off. Something went a bit wrong. I've got no idea how these... err... good dwarfs got up here though. Shall we ask them?"

The Dwarves coming up the stairs.

"Hey!" said FM, "Weren't you in the helicopter things?" He pointed to the whirring blades of wooden death in the sky, still getting closer to them by the minute.

"Yikes!" said Ecstatic. "It's the dwarves of death! They've been trying to claim this island as their own ever since they found out about our gold." he explained to the gang.

“dwarves…of…death?” spelt out Meka in disbelief.

“Yes.” Said influenza with a sneeze. “Mortice, Deadly and the gang. They’re trouble!”

As they watched in terror the helicopters grew ever nearer and started spitting wooded stakes. One nearly ripped through FM’s coat as they dived for cover. A couple of really sharp stakes stuck into the sides of the shed and it started to shake.

Just as everything looked lost, Mongoose man jumped up through the hatch and into the air. He grabbed one of the flying stakes in his large clawed hand and spinning around, he brought it straight back around, making it fly into the side of the wooden air machine. The look of the driver’s face was sheer panic as the copter made its quick descent towards the island. He breathed in and then let out a huge gust of air, throwing another machine off course and straight into the path of his fellow pilot. Splinters flew everywhere as the two machines crunched together and smashed into the ground.

Pretty soon all the flying machines were downed and the evil dwarves of death were rounded up and tied together, then led down the stairs.

“You can come over to our cottage, we’ll deal with them their.” Said Ecstatic as he led the way with Meka patting Mongoose man on the back.

- --

Grix gave Sniper a fiver. “Ok, you win, your impression of a lemming was excellent.”

"and where did you come from?" That's what he said. I can't believe he asked me that. I've been with them since the ship. Cheeky git. I had to write myself, they forgot me. But I'm in here now. Oh yes, in this story well and truely.

They tried to stop me. I wrote in that I was rescued from the sea when they were in that stupid boat. Even said what my name was, but no! They had to change it to Tony. Fat lot of good he's been as well. Disappears as soon as there's trouble. He hasn't been mentioned recently has he, eh?

"What are you mumbling about YH?" Asked Meka.

"Oh, nothing." Replied YH, with an expression as innocent as he could muster.

"Whats going on?" YH looked around, they had all ran through the cave/trapdoor made when the tree fell on Sniper.

They were now in the foam shed.

"Hmmm, this foam's pretty rigid isn't it? You'd almost think it was wood." Everyone looked at YH.

"Ok, how do we work this thing?" Asked Meka.

"What year do you want to go to?"

"I don't care, just get us away from those wooden helicopter thingys!"

"Ok, here goes..."

There was a bright flash (as always at these points in the films).

FM opened his eyes to see.....



The inside of the foam wooden shed.

However, when he went outside, he was surprised to see....

“Whoa!” said FM, which was funny, because it wasn’t really something that a lot of people say in these situations. “Hold on there. We need to explore the island first. We can’t keep jumping around in time before we’ve even got our barrings here.”

There was a mumble of agreement as YH went over to sulk in a corner. He loved nothing better than a bit of time travel and FM was taking all his fun away.

Pb walked over to the group. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask.” He said.

“Yes?” said FM.

“Well, it’s about mongoose man.” Explained Pb, pointing over to where mongoose man was currently doing one handed pressups. “Why did you put that silly pair of Christmas antlers on him?”

FM looked over at Grix, who was blushing with embarrassment. “Well…It’s like this, we all made bets that if we could pretend to be animals for the day, then everyone would have to give us a fiver. Obviously, Mongoose man couldn’t be a mongoose, so we chose something completely different to his silth like form and said he had to pretend to be a moose.”

“Ah.” Said Pb, wishing he never asked.

Mongoose man took off the fake antlers and said “Sorry!” before helping them move the mechanism a final time and then bounding down the stairs.

- - - -
“Ok..” explained Ant to the dwarves as they continued running towards the shed. “Our group is world famous, we’ve rescued the world several times and even defeated an evil Bill Gates.”

“Who’s Bill Gates?” asked Nervy, grumpily.

Ant was beginning to like this bunch of miniature men, they always seemed ready for action, and besides, they had enough gold to last him a life time, and that was just from what they threw away.

They finally reached the entrance to the bottom of the stairs and Ant, puffed out from the jog, looked up to see a small dot emerging from a hole at the top. As it got slowly bigger, he recognised it.

“Hey, it’s mongoose man!” he shouted as Mongoose man jumped the last few flights of stairs and landed softly on the soil beneath with a bow.

"Last year? Why?... and where did you come from?"

YH looked at his feet. "Sorry."

"Ah doesn't matter. You're here now, all that matters." FM grinned. "So anyway, why last year?"

"We could stop Turbonutter from writing that bloody script."

FM nodded. "We shouldn't mess around with causality though..."

"It's the thing though, isn't it?" Grix added, butting into the conversation. "If you can travel through time, at one point you're going to alter history, and mess everything up. It's how plots like this work."

Sniper looked over the side of the cliffface... "Some things are coming."

Pb looked where Sniper was looking...

"Guys? There seems to be... err... some dwarfs in... hmmm. Some dwarfs are coming towards us in wooden helicopters."

"Like those things in Warcraft 2?" Grix asked.

"Yeah, just like them. Cool."

There was a noise, like that noise you get when you switch on a microphone and it's too close to a magnet or something. It always happens when you switch on a microphone.

"PLEASE LEAVE THE ISLAND IMMEDIETLY."

Pb looked at the others.

"Sorry? What was that?" He shouted.

"PLEASE LEAVE THE ISLAND IMMEDIETLY."

"We'd rather not."

"THEN WE WILL HAVE TO KILL YOU THEN."

"Why?"

"BECAUSE THAT'S OUR JOB."

Grix thought he would say that the dwarfs managed to climb those many miles rather quickly, but he wasn't suppose to know anything else that had happened. Like Ant being alive for some reason that he didn't really understand.

FM, however, was ahead of the thing that Grix would say next.

"Quick... let's use the time machine, we cou..."

Grix was interrupted by the time machine being activated.