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"Deadline day transfers"

Thought we could do with a place.

First on the agenda, there will be no talk of Newcastle. Except, of course, the Jenas affair.

Why and where? They have Carrick and Davids in the centre, both of whom are pretty much irreplacable. Reid is good on the left, Routledge on the right. Besides, Jenas can't play there. Tell me why.

Oh, and Solano might be going to Newcastle too. Excellent news, if you ask me.

Keane to Everton? Robbie, that is.

Stay away... he's our Bakke!

Damn that O'leary!

Rah...another Portuguese player coming to the Premiership, what's going on :/

Poor Owen, he does look sad...fake smile I tell you. Silly Arsene.

C'mon, Lipe, we've both seen Benfica matches. Simao is a great player. If this had happened last week I'd been extremely happy.

Yeah he's good...vital to Benfica winning Superliga but I'm not sure if he can handle the premiership...

Well I'm just praying we don't get a big offer for Commons, only player in our Midfield who actually knows how to go forward with the ball...

We have a Ronaldo,Paulo Ferriera, Carvalho count of 3 who could make it, and just the 2 of Tiago and Hugo Viana who couldn't. But Hugo Viana is an exception, because he is actually awesome and signed for a devilclub.

We've sold Connolly for a fee in the region of 2 Million, and bought in Elivs Hammond for £300,000 who was on an intial 5 month loan, and we have had a bid accepted by Tranmere for Iain Hume worth up to £750,000.

Heh i like how Mikey is supposedly "delighted" to have signed for Newcastle, only because the top 3 didn't want him and the Liverpool board couldn't persuade Rafa that Mikey actually grew up in the streets of Barcelona. We all know you'd rather be at Liverpool Mikey.

Souness - Right so if you'd just like to sign the contract please
Mikey - Come on just tell Rafa my real name is Miguel he'll be sure to sign me then
Souness - Ermmm Michael can you put the phone down and sign the contract, the press are waiting
Mikey - So there's absolutely no chance? *sighs* fine ............ *scribbles name down* ..... ermmm yes i'm obviously delighted to have signed for Newcastle and i look forward to battling it out with the powerhouses of the Premiership such as Man City, Portsmouth and Birmingham for a mid table finish, now if you'll excuse me i'm off to look at my Stevie G signed photo and have a cry

Arrrrrrrrrgggggggghh!!! God damn it! Benfica have now said thaey won't sell Simao according to SSN.

In other news, Owen & Shearer look set to tie the knot this year.

Owen claims Shearer would give up his life for him (Number 9 shirt) if Mikey was to come to Newcastle.

Poor old Shearer had to offer his shirt number since he couldn't offer Owen any silverware to tempt him......