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"The Perfect Poo"

Why can't all poos be like the one I just had?

One huge log, made a lovely big plop as it landed and despite this I didn't get even a drop of splashback. I then found out that I'd wasted one whole sheet of toilet paper as it was nice and clean.

Better than the one I had the other day, it soaked me and required half a roll of bogroll to get myself clean.

Hmmmm.

ratemypoo.com

SnoopDogg wrote:
> To stop the ''dreaded backsplash'', put some tissue at the base of the
> toilet and hopefully, unless you drop a massive tree trunk of a t*rd,
> you shouldn't get a wet backside.

You're an idiot, but this is good advice, if not at all obvious. There's nothing worse than going for a piddle, releasing your brown submarine with force and feeling a warm golden splash against your nether regions.

While of course I find the whole topic juvenile and typical of this crappy forum, there is a rather funny (read: extremely gross) site I found the other day where you can rate people's poos.. I'd link to it but I'd be surely banned. Googles the way to go.

This topic is a load of crap

klasovdan_1 wrote:
> SnoopDogg wrote:
> I hate it when you're about to do a huge dump and the log comes out
> before you get to sit down. Now you think you needed a lot of
> bog-roll? Think of me.
>
> So how often do you crap yourself?

Well, used to be on a daily basis, now its around once a month, give an take a few days...Curry can trigger a sudden ''toilet attack'' as i have learned to call it.

This thread really isn't as funny as I'm finding it :-P

SnoopDogg wrote:
> I hate it when you're about to do a huge dump and the log comes out
> before you get to sit down. Now you think you needed a lot of
> bog-roll? Think of me.

So how often do you crap yourself?

Yep, that's the method I use. Or if you think it's going to be too big even for the paper, do it in a blender and later pour it in with a siv preventing all forms of splashage.

To stop the ''dreaded backsplash'', put some tissue at the base of the toilet and hopefully, unless you drop a massive tree trunk of a t*rd, you shouldn't get a wet backside.

Sometimes I need to hover above the seat because where the poo is so thick it comes out at a horizontal angle. If I don't hover it smooshes into the toilet seat.

I hate it when you're about to do a huge dump and the log comes out before you get to sit down. Now you think you needed a lot of bog-roll? Think of me.