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"How to beat Juve II"

This time we have to be more sneaky. It's not enough to just shoot Nunez to ensure he won't play, I'm beginning to suspect Rafa would put Nunez's corpse on the bench anyway. So this means we have to be sneaky-like. I suggest luring Nunez out of his house, which he surely shares with other wasters like Richie Partridge, by the use of a cunning No 7 shirt on a string. Nunez will surely think Harry Kewell has been killed, possibly by me. He will then believe the No 7 shirt appearing at his door to be an omen that Rafa wants him play regularly on the right-wing. He will follow the shirt to a hut within which Harry Kewell and Ant will be. Ant will be charged with the responsibility of making sure these two diabolical players cannot be in Turin. This is OK because Ant's favourite players are these two.

Juventus will believe the whole squad will be arriving together. This is not the case. We will have sent Baros and Smicer on a mission, Czech-style. They will have hitchhiked to Turin, and adopted a disguise (put their greasy locks in a hairnet) to ensure they are not detected. Their mission will be to sabotage Pavel Nedved. Pavel will welcome them into his house because they share national allegiance, but his trust will be misplaced. Baros will do all the work because Smicer is good for nothing. He just came along so Baros would have someone to talk to. They will tie Nedved up in the shed.

On the night, Benitez will be confounded by the lack of Nunez and will be forced - listen carefully now - to actually play 90 minutes with at least 1 recognised striker on the pitch. Capello will be stunned, because he had been given to understand that Benitez doesn't like playing with any strikers at all, but a 6 man midfield. He is already confused because Nedved hasn't turned up. He will be SO confused, in fact, that he will bring himself on for Buffon.

Milan Milan Milan, seeing that there is only an old man with a weird fake-tan in the goalmouth, will be inspired to score a hatrick, which is just as well because Miner Dudek will be back in goal, allowing 70 yard efforts from Blasi to go in.

This is how we will beat Juventus.

Gerrard isnt even traveling to Turin!

so many holding players all injured. still i'm sure 'pool will win due to the excitement factor of having not got that far in ages. and hopefully juve will be complacvent thinking you'll be a pushover... then BAM, goals from all over the place.

Just got to hope that Xabi Alonso is fit enough to play 90 minutes, really.

oh my, with hamann out as well you're gonna need some kind of miracle!

Nothing can make Milan's skin pimply, it is as smooth as the driven snow.

In other, actually football related, news:

[URL]http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/europe/4431795.stm[/URL]

Stevie is doubtful for the Juve match. Ballcheese.

I suppose. Red and white kits as well, one makes his face look plain, the other pimply. You're right darling, he should stay in Merseyside.

Yes, but the English climate is better for his complexion.

Not on my memory card you're not. The Valencia strip is cool anyway, he'd look better in it.

Baros will get awesome, because of Euro 2004, even though he's been average since then :)

Muahahah. I'm transfering him back to Liverpool if he's at Valencia. That'll teach Rafa.

As long as they keep Smith as crap he is, I'm okay.

And if they make Rooney stupidly good, I'll weep. I call him overrated... but he can be utter genius...

I weep.