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"How to beat Juve II"

This time we have to be more sneaky. It's not enough to just shoot Nunez to ensure he won't play, I'm beginning to suspect Rafa would put Nunez's corpse on the bench anyway. So this means we have to be sneaky-like. I suggest luring Nunez out of his house, which he surely shares with other wasters like Richie Partridge, by the use of a cunning No 7 shirt on a string. Nunez will surely think Harry Kewell has been killed, possibly by me. He will then believe the No 7 shirt appearing at his door to be an omen that Rafa wants him play regularly on the right-wing. He will follow the shirt to a hut within which Harry Kewell and Ant will be. Ant will be charged with the responsibility of making sure these two diabolical players cannot be in Turin. This is OK because Ant's favourite players are these two.

Juventus will believe the whole squad will be arriving together. This is not the case. We will have sent Baros and Smicer on a mission, Czech-style. They will have hitchhiked to Turin, and adopted a disguise (put their greasy locks in a hairnet) to ensure they are not detected. Their mission will be to sabotage Pavel Nedved. Pavel will welcome them into his house because they share national allegiance, but his trust will be misplaced. Baros will do all the work because Smicer is good for nothing. He just came along so Baros would have someone to talk to. They will tie Nedved up in the shed.

On the night, Benitez will be confounded by the lack of Nunez and will be forced - listen carefully now - to actually play 90 minutes with at least 1 recognised striker on the pitch. Capello will be stunned, because he had been given to understand that Benitez doesn't like playing with any strikers at all, but a 6 man midfield. He is already confused because Nedved hasn't turned up. He will be SO confused, in fact, that he will bring himself on for Buffon.

Milan Milan Milan, seeing that there is only an old man with a weird fake-tan in the goalmouth, will be inspired to score a hatrick, which is just as well because Miner Dudek will be back in goal, allowing 70 yard efforts from Blasi to go in.

This is how we will beat Juventus.

Xbox, hove. Pro Evo 4 on Xbox Live. Memories...

West Brom beating Brazil... and near enough everyone else too, in fact...

It's genius. And has Trabelsi at Arsenal. Strange.

Ah, Pro Evo. I mourn the loss of my PS2. It died, you see.

So I burnt it.

Atlético Madrid. He plays for them in Pro Evo, so transfer him immediately.

I believe so. But Pearce will scare whoever the other manager is into having him for free.

Just remember his face at Euro '96...

From where, Jamaica?

He's still only on loan, isn't he?

He's going to be a hero around these parts now for the rest of eternity. Much like Shaun The Goat.

If only he'd have put one in againts Yoo in the derby...

He's probably on the dole as well. Just turns out for City for kicks.

He can't get angry, he has dreads, which means he's a stoner.

Stryke wrote:
> Yep, at least 60%. A significant other proportion are Mario Melchiot.

What about Kiki 'don't touch the hair' Musampa? The 'pools attempt to put off the Kike didn't work, though - all it did was make him angier. And you paid.