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"Classic Simpsons Quotes - Revival"

It seems that this classic thread has fallen into disrepair. If I'm wrong, feel free to bring it back up and delete this.

If not then, you know what to do. Post classic quotes.

I'll start :

Comic Book Guy : But Aquaman you can't marry a woman without Gills, you're from two different worlds

(Missile heads straight towards him, casting shadow over face)

Comic Book Guy : Oh! I've wasted my life!

I can't believe you were bothered to write all that crap.

*(Bart): That's a hitchhiker, Homer.
(Homer): Ooh, let's pick him up!
(Marge): No! What if he's crazy?
(Homer): And what if he's not? Then we'd look like idiots.

*Marge, quick, how many kids do we have? No time, I'll just estimate. 9!

*Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart is a vampire! Beer kills brain cells! Now lets go back to that ... building ... thingy... where our beds and TV... is.

*(Marge): Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?
(Homer): Yup, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

*You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring.

*(Marge): Homer! What have you done to the car? I don't think it had broken axles before.
(Homer): Before! Before! You're living in the past, Marge. Quit living in the past.

*(Homer): Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
(Lisa): No.
(Homer): Ham?
(Lisa): No!
(Homer): Pork chops?
(Lisa): Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
(Homer): Heh heh heh ... ooh ... yeah right, Lisa. A wonderful ... magical animal.

*Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep... in a blender.

*(Marge): Homer, it's funny but I've noticed that my mum and your dad are very lonely.
(Homer): Ha ha! That is funny!

*(Homer): But Marge! I was a political prisoner!
(Marge): How were you a political prisoner?
(Homer): I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a picture?

*(Homer): You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So, I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. [cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
(Bart): Dad, what's the point of this story?
(Homer): I like stories.

*(Marge): And try to be nice to my sisters. It's very hard on me to have you fighting all the time.
(Homer): Oh, OK Marge, I'll get along with them. Then, I will hug some snakes...yes! Then, I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes ... Now that's sarcasm.

*I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'

*(Homer as Mr. Burns' assistant): Here are your messages: ‘You have thirty minutes to move your car.’ ‘You have ten minutes to move your car.’ ‘Your car has been impounded.’ ‘Your car has been crushed into a cube.’ ‘You have thirty minutes to move your cube.’
[phone rings]
(Homer): Hello?
(Mr. Burns): Is it about my cube?

*(Marge): Bart looks different.
(Homer): New glasses?
(Marge): He looks disturbed.
(Homer): Probably misses his old glasses.

*(Homer): Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course and I forgot how to drive?
(Marge): That's because you were drunk.
(Homer): And how!

Reverand Lovejoy: If anybody knows a reason why these people should not be married please speak now.

Homer; *thinking* duh duh duh da duh hey duh duh duh da duh duh duh duh duh hey duh duh.

Homer to man at desk in post office

Homer : "Hello my name is Mr. Burns. I'd like to collect a parcel"

Man at desk : "And what's your first name?"

Homer : "I ... don't know"

Homer and Lisa are on the run and they walk into a motel lobby

Man at desk: Your names?

Homer: Rock Strongo

Man: Your real name?

Homer: Lance Uppercut

Man: Ok Mr Uppercut, sign here.


I only caught the end of this episode and I wasn't paying much attention so I know some of this is probably wrong. Feel free to correct it. :)

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

Ralph: "Principal Skinner and Ms. Krebappel were in the closet making babies together and I saw one of the babies and he looked at me"

Patty or Selma : "Two and a half words - Gulp 'N' Blow"

Homer: That's right, I'm a nuclear technician.
Dr Hibbert: Oh dear God.

Driving along in car

Homer Singing : "Homer. Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield ...he's about to hit a Chestnut tree ... aaaargh!"