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I've recently broken up with another girlfriend, which is its essence doesn't bother me, because basically it wasn't working out, didnt feel right and we've decided to remain friends which is always good.
The thing that happens to be bugging me is that after we broke up she told me she loved me (actually "in love" not just the sort of 'love' you stick at the end of an email or text) and that she wants to have a baby with me.
Cue fear of fatherhood and the realisation I'm actually just a kid myself to kick in.
The thing that quite worries me is that I haven't known this girl a great deal of time at all. We met at a party, got drunk and did some stuff together and we started going out, but after a while (once I'd sobered up) I didnt feel the same and chose to end it to avoid and later heartache from prolonging the relationship. She took it badly. Really badly. With cries of "don't you find me attractive?" and "what have I done wrong" ringing through my head, I came back with the clichéd-to-death, "its not you, its me" which seemed to settle her down.
I've actually never been told by a girl that she "loved" me, nor have I ever said it to a girl. I'm quite pedantic with the word and beleive it should only be used when you mean it, and she assured me she does love me. This is rather daunting to think that someone who has known me a pretty short amount of time feels that way about me. What's even more frightening is that I don't feel the same way, at all.
I suppose I can finally empathise with those who stalk people and fall in love with them without really knowing them, and the other party is completely oblivious to this. I always though love would be something that came mutually from both parties, but I guess that isn't the case.
I'm not sure if I should feel bad about this, but I really do. I dislike hurting people, but I think I did the right thing to end it before she went skitzo and came off the pill and got pregnant to have the child she's oh-so-desperate to have.
Goes to show that you can be all mature and grown-up but still be a child yourself in some respects.
I'm still a child, I guess, but I like the security and lack of morning sickness it brings.
The thing that happens to be bugging me is that after we broke up she told me she loved me (actually "in love" not just the sort of 'love' you stick at the end of an email or text) and that she wants to have a baby with me.
Cue fear of fatherhood and the realisation I'm actually just a kid myself to kick in.
The thing that quite worries me is that I haven't known this girl a great deal of time at all. We met at a party, got drunk and did some stuff together and we started going out, but after a while (once I'd sobered up) I didnt feel the same and chose to end it to avoid and later heartache from prolonging the relationship. She took it badly. Really badly. With cries of "don't you find me attractive?" and "what have I done wrong" ringing through my head, I came back with the clichéd-to-death, "its not you, its me" which seemed to settle her down.
I've actually never been told by a girl that she "loved" me, nor have I ever said it to a girl. I'm quite pedantic with the word and beleive it should only be used when you mean it, and she assured me she does love me. This is rather daunting to think that someone who has known me a pretty short amount of time feels that way about me. What's even more frightening is that I don't feel the same way, at all.
I suppose I can finally empathise with those who stalk people and fall in love with them without really knowing them, and the other party is completely oblivious to this. I always though love would be something that came mutually from both parties, but I guess that isn't the case.
I'm not sure if I should feel bad about this, but I really do. I dislike hurting people, but I think I did the right thing to end it before she went skitzo and came off the pill and got pregnant to have the child she's oh-so-desperate to have.
Goes to show that you can be all mature and grown-up but still be a child yourself in some respects.
I'm still a child, I guess, but I like the security and lack of morning sickness it brings.
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Notorious Biggles wrote:
> I agree. I know two other women who don't want kids. One is frigid,
> the other is a lesbian. A semi-frigid lesbian at that.
I've know 4 and their reasons are all questionable, ranging from the world is too populated to i think i'd be rubbish at it to unknown, i think some people just dont want them, i know i used to feel like that and i'm trying to think why, i think it was i just didn't feel anything for them and was like that til maybe 18 or 19.
> I agree. I know two other women who don't want kids. One is frigid,
> the other is a lesbian. A semi-frigid lesbian at that.
I've know 4 and their reasons are all questionable, ranging from the world is too populated to i think i'd be rubbish at it to unknown, i think some people just dont want them, i know i used to feel like that and i'm trying to think why, i think it was i just didn't feel anything for them and was like that til maybe 18 or 19.
Lawrence wrote:
> Relationships are strange. I don't think i'm very good at them though
> because i like to argue a little and my past boyfriends have always
> been 'ok your right, i'm sorry' when they never were, I hate it when
> blokes don't argue back, you know they are a real man when they argue
> back. I went out with someone for a year and a half and we argued
> constantly, but we got on so well too. He is the only one who argued
> back and never took it too seriously. I'm not talking about blazing
> rows in the street, but like what to have for lunch and who's turn is
> it to make the coffee.
I hope you don't mean that you have to argue back to be a "real" man. For instance, consider my mate Ped and the un-friendly neighbourhood football hooligan. One argues back. A lot. One is a chilled out super soldier who seems to think we're still in the 1920's. Only one of them makes a fuss about where to go for lunch.
See, there is a fine line between caring about the things that matter to you, i.e. passion, and just being argumentative. Passion is good, being argumentative isn't.
Me, I vary. I'll go and see some romantic comedy if she wants too (although she actually prefers violent action/gangster movies, so that's rare) because I don't really care. But I do care about what I eat, so I'll pick the restaurant. I care about where we go on holiday for instance, so I don't hand her the credit card and tell her to book something. You need to get a grip and figure out what is important. I've been in relationships with feisty women who argued about everything - it didn't make them real women any more than any other ex. I don't want a complete push over, but yet I don't want to waste my life trying to get back in her good books just because I didn't agree with something.
But yeah, my main point here Lawri was I'm hoping you don't use being argumentative as a requirement for going out with someone. Because if you do, you'll end up finding lots of cavemen.
> Relationships are strange. I don't think i'm very good at them though
> because i like to argue a little and my past boyfriends have always
> been 'ok your right, i'm sorry' when they never were, I hate it when
> blokes don't argue back, you know they are a real man when they argue
> back. I went out with someone for a year and a half and we argued
> constantly, but we got on so well too. He is the only one who argued
> back and never took it too seriously. I'm not talking about blazing
> rows in the street, but like what to have for lunch and who's turn is
> it to make the coffee.
I hope you don't mean that you have to argue back to be a "real" man. For instance, consider my mate Ped and the un-friendly neighbourhood football hooligan. One argues back. A lot. One is a chilled out super soldier who seems to think we're still in the 1920's. Only one of them makes a fuss about where to go for lunch.
See, there is a fine line between caring about the things that matter to you, i.e. passion, and just being argumentative. Passion is good, being argumentative isn't.
Me, I vary. I'll go and see some romantic comedy if she wants too (although she actually prefers violent action/gangster movies, so that's rare) because I don't really care. But I do care about what I eat, so I'll pick the restaurant. I care about where we go on holiday for instance, so I don't hand her the credit card and tell her to book something. You need to get a grip and figure out what is important. I've been in relationships with feisty women who argued about everything - it didn't make them real women any more than any other ex. I don't want a complete push over, but yet I don't want to waste my life trying to get back in her good books just because I didn't agree with something.
But yeah, my main point here Lawri was I'm hoping you don't use being argumentative as a requirement for going out with someone. Because if you do, you'll end up finding lots of cavemen.
Amen to that Mr B
>Barbara Cartland wrote:
> Some stuff
Heh. Think of me as the socially acceptible version of Goatboy's advice. But trust me on this; he's 100% correct. As a direct result of following the 12 step Goatboy recovery process, I'm now with someone I absolutely adore and whom I can be myself with. And she's dirty. What more could a man ask for? (apart of course from regular and meaningless shenanigans with self-obsessed theatre type ladies, which having done, now bore me).
And remember the magic phrase; "Well, I don't care what you think. I mean, I've been in you now so I don't have to try any more".
> Some stuff
Heh. Think of me as the socially acceptible version of Goatboy's advice. But trust me on this; he's 100% correct. As a direct result of following the 12 step Goatboy recovery process, I'm now with someone I absolutely adore and whom I can be myself with. And she's dirty. What more could a man ask for? (apart of course from regular and meaningless shenanigans with self-obsessed theatre type ladies, which having done, now bore me).
And remember the magic phrase; "Well, I don't care what you think. I mean, I've been in you now so I don't have to try any more".
Notorious Biggles wrote:
> I agree. I know two other women who don't want kids. One is frigid,
> the other is a lesbian. A semi-frigid lesbian at that.
Neat but I'm not frigid. Can I be a lesbian then?
> I agree. I know two other women who don't want kids. One is frigid,
> the other is a lesbian. A semi-frigid lesbian at that.
Neat but I'm not frigid. Can I be a lesbian then?
My last girlfriend went mental if I swore at her. Typical conversation:
" Why didn't you phone me, you said you would? "
" I was at work and busy "
" You could have phonned me on my break "
" I had no money on my phone "
" You could have borrowed someones "
" ...Sorry then, I'm phonning you now, I've just finsihed "
" You obviously don't care about me? "
" What? "
" Why didn't you phone, I've been waiting "
" I was working, I just told you "
" But you said you'd phone "
" Oh feck off, I'm phonning you now. It's not even important "
*silence*
" Don't swear at me "
" Why? "
" I don't like it... it's your fault you should have phonned me "
" Okay, sorry then. I'll go get changed and come round in about half hour? "
" ... well, it's obviously not important to you "
" Oh for... "
" Why didn't you phone me, you said you would? "
" I was at work and busy "
" You could have phonned me on my break "
" I had no money on my phone "
" You could have borrowed someones "
" ...Sorry then, I'm phonning you now, I've just finsihed "
" You obviously don't care about me? "
" What? "
" Why didn't you phone, I've been waiting "
" I was working, I just told you "
" But you said you'd phone "
" Oh feck off, I'm phonning you now. It's not even important "
*silence*
" Don't swear at me "
" Why? "
" I don't like it... it's your fault you should have phonned me "
" Okay, sorry then. I'll go get changed and come round in about half hour? "
" ... well, it's obviously not important to you "
" Oh for... "
ouch. Im leaving before it corrupts my fragile little mind
Flock wrote:
> How old was this girl that wanted to have your babies ?
She'll be 17 next month.
> How old was this girl that wanted to have your babies ?
She'll be 17 next month.
Oh and seriously, the amount of pure advice sheerly rocks.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks a lot.
I'd just like to say one thing. Just because this girl thinks she is in love with you doesn't necessarily mean she actually is. I can think of two instances where I had crushes on people and I would have sworn blind that I was in love with them, but now I look back it's obviously that I wasn't.
I'm not saying that is the case here, just pointing out the possibility.
And to the girl who said all girls want babies, I agree with Ineedsleep, thats totally untrue. I for one don't want babies. I admit that when I think of my future with my fiance, we are a family, but I don't want babies. (and yes I realise how contrary I am).
I'm not saying that is the case here, just pointing out the possibility.
And to the girl who said all girls want babies, I agree with Ineedsleep, thats totally untrue. I for one don't want babies. I admit that when I think of my future with my fiance, we are a family, but I don't want babies. (and yes I realise how contrary I am).
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