Viewing Thread:
"Relationship Rant"

I've recently broken up with another girlfriend, which is its essence doesn't bother me, because basically it wasn't working out, didnt feel right and we've decided to remain friends which is always good.

The thing that happens to be bugging me is that after we broke up she told me she loved me (actually "in love" not just the sort of 'love' you stick at the end of an email or text) and that she wants to have a baby with me.

Cue fear of fatherhood and the realisation I'm actually just a kid myself to kick in.

The thing that quite worries me is that I haven't known this girl a great deal of time at all. We met at a party, got drunk and did some stuff together and we started going out, but after a while (once I'd sobered up) I didnt feel the same and chose to end it to avoid and later heartache from prolonging the relationship. She took it badly. Really badly. With cries of "don't you find me attractive?" and "what have I done wrong" ringing through my head, I came back with the clichéd-to-death, "its not you, its me" which seemed to settle her down.

I've actually never been told by a girl that she "loved" me, nor have I ever said it to a girl. I'm quite pedantic with the word and beleive it should only be used when you mean it, and she assured me she does love me. This is rather daunting to think that someone who has known me a pretty short amount of time feels that way about me. What's even more frightening is that I don't feel the same way, at all.

I suppose I can finally empathise with those who stalk people and fall in love with them without really knowing them, and the other party is completely oblivious to this. I always though love would be something that came mutually from both parties, but I guess that isn't the case.

I'm not sure if I should feel bad about this, but I really do. I dislike hurting people, but I think I did the right thing to end it before she went skitzo and came off the pill and got pregnant to have the child she's oh-so-desperate to have.

Goes to show that you can be all mature and grown-up but still be a child yourself in some respects.

I'm still a child, I guess, but I like the security and lack of morning sickness it brings.

I wish I was Goatboy

I think it's human nature to feel the need to cling onto someone and not die alone, but it's a barrier I wan't to break.

I'm inconventional at the best of times and don't see why I should comform to cligning to some knock-me-up-and-marry-me girl. The whole "I love you" thing is probably just displaying her neediness.

Thanks for the advice Goaty, I'll really take it on board. I kind of assumed that the whole gay "fall in love and settle down" made you mature, but it's probably quite the opposite, it's just following instinct.

I am criminally soppy with women sometimes, which in reflection has never really been a good thing. The whole "treat 'em mean keep em keen" is a viable plan, it seems, and it is one I'll put to the test.

I was seeing a girl in Wakefield (near to Leeds where I live) and put her aside whilst I dated Psycho-McGee - but I might ring her up and arrange some fun. Without being in love, without caring "what she feels inside" and all that crap.

Thanks Goaty, you should make leaflets for hopeless teenagers like me.

Leaflets for Hopeless Teenagers

I like that.
I'm just saying what I wish somebody had told me when I was wracked by that whole "life is so cruel" balls before I saw through it.
It's not to sneer at those that choose to be like that (I only give Light grief because it's funny and he's a big gay girlyman now), I just pop up to say "Well, there is another way" if it starts to get to you.

The weird thing, what took me an age to realise, is that they want the blokes that aren't interested in them.
It's an ego-thing to them, "Why doesn't he want me? I'll show him" and they'll chase you like greyhounds if you back off and stop panting.

Learn these 2 lines when somebody thinks they're all that and she'll be on her knees, bobbing back and forth like the Churchill Dog
"Half the world has boobs, so don't think that makes you special"
"I stopped auditioning for sex when I was 16"
Remove that power they hold and watch them crumble.
Then you can either throw one up her and laugh about it the next day, or be all sensitive and nice and don't.

Paradox: wrote:
> I was seeing a girl in Wakefield (near to Leeds where I live) and put
> her aside whilst I dated Psycho-McGee - but I might ring her up and
> arrange some fun. Without being in love, without caring "what
> she feels inside" and all that crap.
------

There you go, one already lined up.
Just ring her and be all "Hello stranger".
She'll ask what you've been up to, "Oh fighting bears, piracy...the usual" and go in alpha-male style.
I bet you'll be balls-deep within a week.

Heh I've been invited round next week.

She wanted me this weekend but I'll be far too drunk to board a train.

Isn't it good when things click into place?

I absolutely love Goatboys take on women. It always cheers me up no end for some reason :D

Possibly because I refuse to play the social dance of unspoken cliches and perform the tedious dance of courtship?
It's a lot easier to be honest and cut through the crap, and you'd be surprised just how many women appreciate that.
The date with the South African two weeks ago, towards the end of the evening I just said "I won't lie, I'm thinking of how you look naked".
She laughed, said I was "crude and unbelievable", yet invited me back at the end of the night.

Would you rather some pansy-ass new age male that wants to talk about your emotions and sympathise with how goddamn harsh the world is, write poems and try to explain his inner feelings
OR
A bloke that bowls up and talks complete (but amusing and witty) nonsense and tells you that you float his boat and he'd like to spend an hour buried between your legs before he leaves at 2am to go to work?

...exactly.

Paradox: wrote:
> Heh I've been invited round next week.
> She wanted me this weekend but I'll be far too drunk to board a
> train.
-----

And it's as easy as that.
The childish "but...but I love you..." witch from your 1st post is banished to the realms of "Jesus, this one girl I was seeing..." stories down the pub.

And don't be a tongue-tied hormonal teen-angst merchant. If at the end of the evening you want her, tell her.
What's the worst that can happen? She'll say "Er...I don't think of you that way" and voila, you've saved days/weeks of wondering and furtive jerking-off thinking about if you'll eventually get her.
Be bold, be an ironic caveman (total chauvanist pig but let her know you know you are) and claim her as yours.

Paradox: wrote:
> Thanks, a lot.
>
> You turned out alright yeh? You didnt get all broody and make little
> Strafio's?

Hehe. :-)

Basically, I had on and off depressions about it for a while, and it did sort of result in me changing m life in lots of ways, but for the better.
One day I just looked back and instead of being depressed, and cursing what I could've done differently (like not wait 3 months to talk to her... :-D), and realised that not only did I have no regrets, I wouldn't have it any other way because it made me who I am now.

As for wanting kids... I wasn't quite thinking THAT far ahead. :-)

Goatboy wrote:

> Would you rather some pansy-ass new age male that wants to talk about
> your emotions

I'd ask if he was gay

> and sympathise with how goddamn harsh the world is,

Who cares?

> write poems

*pukes*

> and try to explain his inner feelings

*walks*

> OR
> he'd like to spend an hour buried between your legs before he leaves at
> 2am to go to work?

Only an hour? Why the hell are we wasting time talking!

> ...exactly.

:D