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"Relationship Rant"

I've recently broken up with another girlfriend, which is its essence doesn't bother me, because basically it wasn't working out, didnt feel right and we've decided to remain friends which is always good.

The thing that happens to be bugging me is that after we broke up she told me she loved me (actually "in love" not just the sort of 'love' you stick at the end of an email or text) and that she wants to have a baby with me.

Cue fear of fatherhood and the realisation I'm actually just a kid myself to kick in.

The thing that quite worries me is that I haven't known this girl a great deal of time at all. We met at a party, got drunk and did some stuff together and we started going out, but after a while (once I'd sobered up) I didnt feel the same and chose to end it to avoid and later heartache from prolonging the relationship. She took it badly. Really badly. With cries of "don't you find me attractive?" and "what have I done wrong" ringing through my head, I came back with the clichéd-to-death, "its not you, its me" which seemed to settle her down.

I've actually never been told by a girl that she "loved" me, nor have I ever said it to a girl. I'm quite pedantic with the word and beleive it should only be used when you mean it, and she assured me she does love me. This is rather daunting to think that someone who has known me a pretty short amount of time feels that way about me. What's even more frightening is that I don't feel the same way, at all.

I suppose I can finally empathise with those who stalk people and fall in love with them without really knowing them, and the other party is completely oblivious to this. I always though love would be something that came mutually from both parties, but I guess that isn't the case.

I'm not sure if I should feel bad about this, but I really do. I dislike hurting people, but I think I did the right thing to end it before she went skitzo and came off the pill and got pregnant to have the child she's oh-so-desperate to have.

Goes to show that you can be all mature and grown-up but still be a child yourself in some respects.

I'm still a child, I guess, but I like the security and lack of morning sickness it brings.

It took a long time coming, but I completely agree.

It used to really bother me to find that I was a nice guy, boring fodder, etc. Then I fell in love, which I really wasn't ready for.

I did a lot of stupid things lost in desperation, almost lost friends over it. My mind kicked off, I went into a deep deep depression, and basically ballsed myself up.

I was kind, loving, defensive and caring. I was "never leave me" and "I'm so in love with you". To be honest, I was in love. But again, I was-not-ready-for-it, and I got played, utterly.

Then, I slowly began to realise that hell, you know, it's possible to live a great life alone. You don't need anyone to complete you, nobody will make you live life better, you're just a single spec of a person in a pretty big universe. Finding a mate is somehow, not important. And while I'm on medication your sexual desire gets completely numbed anyway.

So I'm still the nice guy, twisted and f**ked in the head, but nice on the outside. Either people fall at my feet or I go without. I don't care for either, to be honest. It happens or it doesn't.

Sex comes first anyway. If something somehow falls together into being a life partner etc, then it does.

I think the general advice is don't make a big deal out of anything, be it wanting a life partner, or sex. Just work out what you want, and go for it, simple as that.

Haven't added much to what's already been said, but hey, who cares.

Ineedsleep wrote:
> Only an hour? Why the hell are we wasting time talking!
-----

There you go boys, the one and only correct response.
Y'see, all that pathetic "man I was so in love and told her and she, like, didn't want to know and I, like, was crushed and wrote bad poetry" bilge will get you crying like a pantywaist and listening to your older brother's Cure collection.
But thumping your chest and swinging on a tyre in your pen means you get to spend the evening violating a willing and nubile partner.

And if you ever hear "You're like a brother to me" or "you're a really good friend", then walk away because you will never even get so much of a sniff of cheap and degrading nakedness.

Dr Goatboy's Love Clinic is now closed for the evening, he needs a cigarette and is getting up in 4hrs to work.

You must do what you feel is right, of course.

Yes Grix.

And jam a thumb up her ass and make her call you "Daddy".

Only if you want to though... :-S

Relationships are strange. I don't think i'm very good at them though because i like to argue a little and my past boyfriends have always been 'ok your right, i'm sorry' when they never were, I hate it when blokes don't argue back, you know they are a real man when they argue back. I went out with someone for a year and a half and we argued constantly, but we got on so well too. He is the only one who argued back and never took it too seriously. I'm not talking about blazing rows in the street, but like what to have for lunch and who's turn is it to make the coffee.

I just broke up with someone i was with for 4 months. He had been my mate for years. He let me get my own way all the time which gets boring after a while. I like a man with some assertivness!(check the spelling!! lol) He told me he loved me and wanted to marry me after 2 months and I was like 'yeah thats cool, i love you too and maybe one day we'll get married but lets not talk about that now' That was quite scary especially as I just started uni and wanted to have some fun with out him moaning that I was cheating on him. So i broke up with him and he automatically thought i found someone else. Then he began calling me fat and all the rest of it! So i'm glad to be away from him, if someone can't deal with being dumped in a mature way then how can he tell me he wants to marry me and have a baby the second i finish uni...tut tut I dunno.

After reading goatboys posts i think he is right. Why go into a relationship thinking it's going to last since they are usually the ones who don't last. The guy who I was with for over a year , i only went out with so i can kiss him (i was 16, he was 22, something to brag to my mates about-i've grown up a lot more since then!!) and one guy i went out with because i thought it would last since we go on so well only lasted 2 weeks! Also, thinking about it. Last year I started seeing someone casually, which lasted 9 months-ish, and he's my best mate now.

So one again Goatboy is right, don't take nothing seriously and if it's ment to happen it will.

And Paradox, coming from a girl, cos i am one, last time i checked anyways, all girls want to have a baby. I can't wait to be married and have babies, but that doesn't mean i'm going to. I like to think i'm a bit more mature than that. Are you sure she wanted one now? and not in 4 years time? This girl doesn't sound too bad, just sounds like she's in a hurry to grow up and maybe she really likes you, or maybe she just wants someone. A friend of mine has been in relationships since she was 15 and she's now 19. She got out of one serious relationship into another, and she's just done it again. I'm worried i'm turning into her because i been in relationships since March, so i'm going to be single til Janurary at least!

Paradox: wrote:
> The thing that happens to be bugging me is that after we broke up she
> told me she loved me (actually "in love" not just the sort
> of 'love' you stick at the end of an email or text) and that she
> wants to have a baby with me.

I know it's scary when that happens. A few blokes have said that they are 'in love' with me which makes me want to run a mile whether i like them or not!

But at one time in our lives we will love someone who doesn't love us back and vice versa!

Lawrence wrote:

> anyways, all girls want to have a baby.

I can state with absolute honesty that this statement is false.

How old was this girl that wanted to have your babies ?

Ineedsleep wrote:
> Lawrence wrote:
>
> anyways, all girls want to have a baby.
>
> I can state with absolute honesty that this statement is false.

I agree. I know two other women who don't want kids. One is frigid, the other is a lesbian. A semi-frigid lesbian at that.