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"Relationship Rant"

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Wed 10/11/04 at 15:11
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
I've recently broken up with another girlfriend, which is its essence doesn't bother me, because basically it wasn't working out, didnt feel right and we've decided to remain friends which is always good.

The thing that happens to be bugging me is that after we broke up she told me she loved me (actually "in love" not just the sort of 'love' you stick at the end of an email or text) and that she wants to have a baby with me.

Cue fear of fatherhood and the realisation I'm actually just a kid myself to kick in.

The thing that quite worries me is that I haven't known this girl a great deal of time at all. We met at a party, got drunk and did some stuff together and we started going out, but after a while (once I'd sobered up) I didnt feel the same and chose to end it to avoid and later heartache from prolonging the relationship. She took it badly. Really badly. With cries of "don't you find me attractive?" and "what have I done wrong" ringing through my head, I came back with the clichéd-to-death, "its not you, its me" which seemed to settle her down.

I've actually never been told by a girl that she "loved" me, nor have I ever said it to a girl. I'm quite pedantic with the word and beleive it should only be used when you mean it, and she assured me she does love me. This is rather daunting to think that someone who has known me a pretty short amount of time feels that way about me. What's even more frightening is that I don't feel the same way, at all.

I suppose I can finally empathise with those who stalk people and fall in love with them without really knowing them, and the other party is completely oblivious to this. I always though love would be something that came mutually from both parties, but I guess that isn't the case.

I'm not sure if I should feel bad about this, but I really do. I dislike hurting people, but I think I did the right thing to end it before she went skitzo and came off the pill and got pregnant to have the child she's oh-so-desperate to have.

Goes to show that you can be all mature and grown-up but still be a child yourself in some respects.

I'm still a child, I guess, but I like the security and lack of morning sickness it brings.
Wed 10/11/04 at 15:11
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
I've recently broken up with another girlfriend, which is its essence doesn't bother me, because basically it wasn't working out, didnt feel right and we've decided to remain friends which is always good.

The thing that happens to be bugging me is that after we broke up she told me she loved me (actually "in love" not just the sort of 'love' you stick at the end of an email or text) and that she wants to have a baby with me.

Cue fear of fatherhood and the realisation I'm actually just a kid myself to kick in.

The thing that quite worries me is that I haven't known this girl a great deal of time at all. We met at a party, got drunk and did some stuff together and we started going out, but after a while (once I'd sobered up) I didnt feel the same and chose to end it to avoid and later heartache from prolonging the relationship. She took it badly. Really badly. With cries of "don't you find me attractive?" and "what have I done wrong" ringing through my head, I came back with the clichéd-to-death, "its not you, its me" which seemed to settle her down.

I've actually never been told by a girl that she "loved" me, nor have I ever said it to a girl. I'm quite pedantic with the word and beleive it should only be used when you mean it, and she assured me she does love me. This is rather daunting to think that someone who has known me a pretty short amount of time feels that way about me. What's even more frightening is that I don't feel the same way, at all.

I suppose I can finally empathise with those who stalk people and fall in love with them without really knowing them, and the other party is completely oblivious to this. I always though love would be something that came mutually from both parties, but I guess that isn't the case.

I'm not sure if I should feel bad about this, but I really do. I dislike hurting people, but I think I did the right thing to end it before she went skitzo and came off the pill and got pregnant to have the child she's oh-so-desperate to have.

Goes to show that you can be all mature and grown-up but still be a child yourself in some respects.

I'm still a child, I guess, but I like the security and lack of morning sickness it brings.
Wed 10/11/04 at 15:32
Regular
"Wanking Mong"
Posts: 4,884
Honest opinion from someone who has both been in and felt stuck in that sort of situation?

Stop thinking about it so much. Really; take the Goatboy approach of not taking sex and relationships too seriously. I tried that during and after my split from the former Mrs Light, and I had a stupendously enjoyable time. More to the point, because every woman I bumped uglies with knew exactly what the score was, there were no heartbroken recriminations at a later date. Just good, dirty fun. And then, without even looking for her, I ended up being with someone I'm quite embarrassingly in love with.

Love and sex is meant to be enjoyable, so enjoy it. Look after your own needs and interests first, cos if you don't you can't possibly act in anyone else's interests either.
Wed 10/11/04 at 15:35
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
Thanks :-)

I told you I needed an adult view on this.

A lot of my friend have had girlfriends/boyfriends for 2/3 years and are adament they're in love and going to be together forever.

I've tried to avoid this as I know when I move to uni it's all gone, but its a form of peer pressure I guess. Back to my dirty ways, I guess.
Wed 10/11/04 at 15:37
Regular
"Excommunicated"
Posts: 23,284
I wouldn't feel bad, though think carefully before giving up the chance at lots of sex.

Love is alright I guess. I'm very cynical so even when I was in love with my last girlfriend I couldn't quite admit it to myself.

Then she went and broke my heart and I went angsty for a while.

Erm, yeah.
Wed 10/11/04 at 15:38
Regular
"Excommunicated"
Posts: 23,284
Oh and she sounds like a nutter so I'd run a mile.
Wed 10/11/04 at 15:42
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
I'm not one to pass up casual regular sex with someone [usually female], even if it is devoid of all emotional attachments, but she is quite scary. Not physically, she's soft like Charmin, but mentally there's something that rattles when she walks.
Wed 10/11/04 at 16:25
Regular
"you've got a beard"
Posts: 7,442
if she's serious about the baby thing then tread VERY carefully dude.
i've been through hell and back on the subject of whether or not i want kids (my girlfriend was 7 years my senior and it bacame an issue far quicker than i expected) and i assure you that to truly consider it as much as you can will drive you mad. the last thing you should do is to f**k with someone elses feeling about this kind of thing, it's way too important.

don't muck her around man, it's not cool for either of you.

(blimey! sorry for sounding so morose, but i just know what i went through and really wouldn't want anyone else to be so bad...)
Wed 10/11/04 at 16:31
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
I told her straight "no" to the kids thing.

I'm not goingto begrudge her happiness and if she wants them (and she doesn't seem to care who with) I'll not attempt to stop her, it's her life and her womb after all.

I really am not ready to father a kid though, I've got a lot of growing up left to do myself.
Wed 10/11/04 at 17:08
Regular
"Colourless"
Posts: 4,345
Paradox: wrote:
> I'm quite pedantic with the
> word and beleive it should only be used when you mean it,

Yeah I agree on that one too.

> I suppose I can finally empathise with those who stalk people and
> fall in love with them without really knowing them, and the other
> party is completely oblivious to this. I always though love would be
> something that came mutually from both parties, but I guess that
> isn't the case.

Does this happen to other people too?!?!?!

I had this other girl stalk me for ages, telling me she was in love with me etc. So I ended up hurting her a tiny bit (she deserved it anyway) but at least she left me alone. Funny thing is, she's now doing exactly the same thing with another guy, who happens to be one of my mates, so I shall warn him methinks.
Wed 10/11/04 at 17:36
Regular
"Copyright (c) 2004"
Posts: 602
I think that if she loves you then its gonna be really hard for her to let you go, so I think you should get to know her more, make an effort to at least, and talk to her about it so she doesnt make you feel trapped or overwhelmed or something. I guess I dont have much experience with relationships

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