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"Relationship Rant"

I've recently broken up with another girlfriend, which is its essence doesn't bother me, because basically it wasn't working out, didnt feel right and we've decided to remain friends which is always good.

The thing that happens to be bugging me is that after we broke up she told me she loved me (actually "in love" not just the sort of 'love' you stick at the end of an email or text) and that she wants to have a baby with me.

Cue fear of fatherhood and the realisation I'm actually just a kid myself to kick in.

The thing that quite worries me is that I haven't known this girl a great deal of time at all. We met at a party, got drunk and did some stuff together and we started going out, but after a while (once I'd sobered up) I didnt feel the same and chose to end it to avoid and later heartache from prolonging the relationship. She took it badly. Really badly. With cries of "don't you find me attractive?" and "what have I done wrong" ringing through my head, I came back with the clichéd-to-death, "its not you, its me" which seemed to settle her down.

I've actually never been told by a girl that she "loved" me, nor have I ever said it to a girl. I'm quite pedantic with the word and beleive it should only be used when you mean it, and she assured me she does love me. This is rather daunting to think that someone who has known me a pretty short amount of time feels that way about me. What's even more frightening is that I don't feel the same way, at all.

I suppose I can finally empathise with those who stalk people and fall in love with them without really knowing them, and the other party is completely oblivious to this. I always though love would be something that came mutually from both parties, but I guess that isn't the case.

I'm not sure if I should feel bad about this, but I really do. I dislike hurting people, but I think I did the right thing to end it before she went skitzo and came off the pill and got pregnant to have the child she's oh-so-desperate to have.

Goes to show that you can be all mature and grown-up but still be a child yourself in some respects.

I'm still a child, I guess, but I like the security and lack of morning sickness it brings.

People who stalk people are not in love with them. It is something much sicker but definitely not love.

Well - those rose-tinted glasses didn’t last long. If that is how you feel then you did the right thing to end it. You shouldn’t feel bad at all, better to end it sooner then later and in reality you probably hurt her pride more than her heart.

I have to assume that she knows about you wanting to go to uni and what you want from your life so it is selfish (and scary) for her to say she wants a baby with you. Christ, if it was me I’d have run a mile! Be careful of the remaining ‘good friends’ act. If you got drunk once and played with her it may well happen again.

It’s no good saying it wont as it happens all the time.

Oh, and ignore Fozz :)

Thanks sleepy, glad to have a girls point of view on it.

I've been talking to one of my exes who I get on really well with about her, and she thinks the girl is a bit of a psycho talking about kids and stuff.

I'll try not to get drunk and build her hopes up.

I spend a lot of time drunk though, so I can't promise anything.

Also check all your condoms for pinpricks.

I'm not sleeping with her anymore, but thanks for the heads-up.

I tend to keep them in the handy little tear-open packets rather than keeping them out, unrolled, for quick-on-action purposes anyway.

Those packet things just slow you down. Plus they're not impervious to pins either.

Paradox: wrote:
> exes

Executables?

Ha HA.

Erm. Sorry.

Anyway, sounds like this girl is insane, no seriously - I don't wish to offend anyone, but having kids at such a young age is not a good idea if you plan to go to university.

Tread a careful path with her, girls are incredibly unpredictable, and are very cryptic in what they say.

gamesfreak wrote:

> Anyway, sounds like this girl is insane, no seriously - I don't wish
> to offend anyone, but having kids at such a young age is not a good
> idea if you plan to go to university.

I absolutely agree there.

> Tread a careful path with her, girls are incredibly unpredictable,
> and are very cryptic in what they say.

Not always cryptic. I understand women to an extend.

So, time for the other side of the coin?


Probably not quite the same as 4-6 months probably isn't the same "short time", but there's probably some sort of crossover someplace or other. :-)

About 4-6 years ago I started to get to know a girl in sixthform who worked next door to the shop I was working in. I didn't especially like her at first (I sort of usually took a little while to warm to people back then...), let alone fall in love with her (infact, it never occured to me to look at her that way).

Anysway, over the next 3 months or so I sort of started to find myself liking her, and it might be my imagination but I think she sort of liked me too...
So if I'd sort of asked her out then things might've been different.
But maybe it was a little shyness, a little fear of rejection, a little "waiting for the perfect time" or little of other things too, I never quite managed to tell her.
And then it got harder because (I'm sort of thinking she gradually moved on from whatever feelings, that's if she did in the first place and I'm not imagining things).

But answay, about another 3 months pass, and I've not gotten over it.
I reach 17 I find I'm thinking about this girl all the time and still can't talk to her... getting a bit beyond a joke...
So I decide to just do it. If I was going to crash and burn, go get on with it and get it other with... :-)

So, about a week later I've got a Maths exam, she's got a Psychology exam on the same day so we talked a bit, but I sort of needed to get her alone to say it, so after my morning exam I stayed until 5pm at school "revising for exams". :-)

I guess it was sort of lucky that she'd stopped to go to the toilet so everyone else taking psychology had already gone.
And when I meet her and we start walking home, that's when I start trying to tell her. And I try to sort of ease it into conversation, but back then I wasn't the bestest at speaking at the easiest of times.
I was stuttering words, forgetting sentances halfway through, getting lost, and it was getting seriously hard to breath...
So I gave up, saying something like...

"What I'm sort of trying to say is... I.......love......you......."

Then I turn around to see she's frozen somewhere half way up the road. :-D
She was as nice as can be (I mean she was really someone worth falling for) but at the end of the day, she just didn't feel the same way about me. C'est le vie.

Anysway, after all that tension trying to say it, I was sort of emotionally numb and actually felt better for letting her know, even if she was with someone... perhaps I sort of felt that there might be a chance she might change her mind or something when she thought it over... not consciously but...

Anysway, as it slowly hit me that all those feelings I had, all those dreams I'd had, how it all amounted to nothing and that none of it was EVER to happen (and I'd recently heard she was leaving the school to go to a nursing university somewhere across the country) and that's sort of where the depression hit.




Right, all that was sort of unimportant, just setting the scene and for some messed up reason I just like telling the story, but the point goes:

I still saw her here and there, when we had one or two more exams on the same day, and she still came into the shop here and there, but when I saw her I was sort of depressed, and in a way seemed to take it out on her, trying to make her feel sorry for me or something... :-S
A bit stupid but I was a confused kid, it happens.

But I guess that the point is that nothing that anyone could do or say about it could make it better, that I just had to get over it in my own time in my own way. And I guess it was my problem because I was expecting too much for someone to feel the same way I did...

So I suppose I'm sort of saying what everyone else did in that just be honest and square because unless you felt the same for her, you'd be leading her on otherwise.
But I'm sort of saying it feeling that it's best for her, and that you're not doing her wrong by it, even though she might feel so at the time...


I think. :-)

Thanks, a lot.

You turned out alright yeh? You didnt get all broody and make little Strafio's?

Light wrote:
> Stop thinking about it so much. Really; take the Goatboy approach of
> not taking sex and relationships too seriously.
-----

Despite his recent tendency to sound like Barbara Cartland, Light's right.
The moment you stop thinking every woman is a potential life-partner and see them as mere gloryholes that can buy you dinner?
You'll be Spanish Fly.

Now the women reading this can stop that sharp-intake-of-breath thing and put away the Bridget Jones novel.
You don't want nice, secure, dependable Mr Nice. Because you'll moan and complain to your mates about him, "He's just...I dunno...nice".
You may deny it, you may shriek and shake your head like an autistic kid at the zoo, but deep down you'd never say no to a bloke that forgets to ring, doesn't see you for a couple of weeks at a time, arrives in the evening and is gone in the morning because he has to go to work.
And you want to know why you want that?
Because "it's a challenge".

Women play retarded mindgames.
You've proved that yourself here Paradox with the whole "I love you" horseshit she came out with. Nice to leave it until you split before telling you huh?
It's a crock, the oldest line in the book (apart from the other cliche of "I love you but I'm not in love with you") and you almost fell for it.
Lighten up, shrug it off and relax, target some nice young filly and make her your own.
Think of it like Pokemon cards - collect one, trade 'em with your mates, collect them all!

It's easy to do. Learn the lines, be De Niro and voila, mindless sex with somebody that thinks the wall is dappled with sunshine everytime you bend over to collect your discarded clothes before leaving.
"Oh you're so shallow Goatboy"
"You have issues"
Blahblahblahblah, you enjoy your nice settled life with your significant other. Hug and share life's adventures together, swap stories about it "taking so long to find you, I feel like I've wasted so many years" etc etc. That's cool, hope it works out for you.
Just don't get all Richard & Judy on those that choose, instead, to play outside the rules and don't want to stroll hand in hand through IKEA or sit in a park gazing wonderously at the beauty of love all around them.

Sure I'm cynical. I did that whole "Wow, I really love that girl" thing, and that whole soap opera thing of feeling low when she handed me my heart after 3 years together etc etc.
Then I realised that hey, life didn't stop in it's tracks simply because this woman didn't want to be with me.
It was like being handed Wonka's Golden Ticket and being patted on the back.
You just need to realise that it's a game. And like any game, there are rules and set ways to get through a level that everybody does.
But, also like any game, there are shortcuts and cheats to make it more entertaining.
I play my life, the dating side, like I enabled God Mode and learned that women are easier to play than Nintendo games.

Last Friday (Light recieved the play-by-play texts) I spent the evening with a nice fit young lass. We did the whole evening in a bar thing, I ran through my schtick and she fell for it. Had that whole brushing-the-hair-from-face thing, the "oh you!" leg smack etc to break that whole non-physical-barrier. All signs were green.
Walk her back to the tube, have a nice kiss and miss my train.
"Ah there'll be another one in 5 mins" says Goatboy
"You want to come back with me?" says she
"Yes. Yes I do"

No complications, no strings, no murmured words of affection.
Haven't seen her since last...er...Wednesday and won't be seeing her until whenever I'm off next week.
"You around this weekend?"
"Sorry, working and Halo 2"
"Ah well, next week is cool" says she
Sure it is, silly rabbit.

Relax Paradox, there's no law that says you have to love the girl you hump. Hell, you don't even have to like her.