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Announcement from the EC (came from my brother Jim)
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than French, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, and strongly lobbied for by the German government and the new member Austria, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":
-In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" svith "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU! !
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than French, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, and strongly lobbied for by the German government and the new member Austria, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":
-In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" svith "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU! !
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Actually I find Andy Cole in front of an opposition goal in internationals quite hilarious ! He misses when its easier to score ! ;-))
sorry man, but thats not funny.
2 Sheep on a farm..........
Sheep 1 : "I hear foot and mouth has hit next door..."
Sheep 2 : "Yeah.......I guess that means we'll be next
to be shot then....."
Sheep 1 : "I know....Hey, if you could have anyone shoot
you, who would you choose ?"
Sheep 2 : "Andy Cole"
(In case anyone doesn't get this, its a joke based on Andy Cole's form for England).
Sheep 1 : "I hear foot and mouth has hit next door..."
Sheep 2 : "Yeah.......I guess that means we'll be next
to be shot then....."
Sheep 1 : "I know....Hey, if you could have anyone shoot
you, who would you choose ?"
Sheep 2 : "Andy Cole"
(In case anyone doesn't get this, its a joke based on Andy Cole's form for England).
If you were a poor Aztec with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
The Horse Race
--------------
And they line up:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Richard (Go on, you know what it means! :-))
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry
THEY'RE OFF!!!
Conscience is left behind at the gate.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught by Thighs
and Big Richard is in a dangerous spot!
AT THE HALF:
It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Richard is pressed in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Richard.
AT THE STRETCH:
Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Bare Belly is making a final drive.
Big Richard is in and Passionate Lady is coming.
AT THE FINISH:
It's Big Richard giving everything he's got
and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Richard has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Richard comes through with one final thrust and wins by a head...
Bare Belly shows...
Thighs weakens...
Heavy Bosom pulls up...
--------------
And they line up:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Richard (Go on, you know what it means! :-))
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry
THEY'RE OFF!!!
Conscience is left behind at the gate.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught by Thighs
and Big Richard is in a dangerous spot!
AT THE HALF:
It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Richard is pressed in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Richard.
AT THE STRETCH:
Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Bare Belly is making a final drive.
Big Richard is in and Passionate Lady is coming.
AT THE FINISH:
It's Big Richard giving everything he's got
and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Richard has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Richard comes through with one final thrust and wins by a head...
Bare Belly shows...
Thighs weakens...
Heavy Bosom pulls up...
A little old lady goes to the Doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back and see me next week."
The next week the old lady comes back. "Doctor, I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, smell terribly !"
The Doctor says "Good !!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, lets work on your hearing."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back and see me next week."
The next week the old lady comes back. "Doctor, I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, smell terribly !"
The Doctor says "Good !!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, lets work on your hearing."
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