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A man walks into a field. He says to the farmer, "You only appear to have one cow". The farmer replies, "Ah, but she's a beauty. You can ask her to do anything you want, and she'll do it". The man asks, "What's her name?". The farmer replies, "I called her Pat". The man approaches the cow, stands behind it, and says, "Hello, Pat!". Five seconds later, he has a brown lump on his head.
Two men are talking. One says, "Where's Grandad? I haven't seen him in days". The other man says, "He was in a coughin' fit the other day". the first man asks, "Worse than the one that killed Grandma?". The second man says, "No...the guy actually measured him properly this time".
Any more contributions?
Two men are talking. One says, "Where's Grandad? I haven't seen him in days". The other man says, "He was in a coughin' fit the other day". the first man asks, "Worse than the one that killed Grandma?". The second man says, "No...the guy actually measured him properly this time".
Any more contributions?
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*moons*
*Waves*
But I can see you, my dear ....
He also tols me one about a crab that was quite good but is impossible to post as you need to be able to see me to get it
that old chestnut .... :D
I never saw it. A friend of mine told it to me yesterday in Uni.
I told that duck joke a couple of days ago, and I believe Timmargh told it a few weeks ago.
Royalties come to about £30, would you like to pay by cheque, or Paypal?
:D
Royalties come to about £30, would you like to pay by cheque, or Paypal?
:D
A duck walks into a pub and asks the barman "Do you have any bread?"
The barman says no, we don't have bread. This is a pub.
The duck walks out and comes back an hour later and again asks "Do you have any bread?"
The barman says, "Look I already told you an hour ago we don't sell any bread!"
The duck walks out but again returns an hour later.
The duck asks "Do you have any bread?"
The barman says "Look, if you dont stop asking for the bloody bread I'll nail your beak to the bar!"
The duck leaves.
An hour later the duck comes back and asks, "Do you have any nails?"
The barman says, "No we dont have any nails. We have drinks"
The duck asks, "Do you have any bread?"
The barman says no, we don't have bread. This is a pub.
The duck walks out and comes back an hour later and again asks "Do you have any bread?"
The barman says, "Look I already told you an hour ago we don't sell any bread!"
The duck walks out but again returns an hour later.
The duck asks "Do you have any bread?"
The barman says "Look, if you dont stop asking for the bloody bread I'll nail your beak to the bar!"
The duck leaves.
An hour later the duck comes back and asks, "Do you have any nails?"
The barman says, "No we dont have any nails. We have drinks"
The duck asks, "Do you have any bread?"
Why did the chiken stop in the middle of the road?
To see its flat mate.
To see its flat mate.
Q) What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A) Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson molests children.
two sharks are swimming along, one turns to the other and says, "i'm sick of fish, wanna go to morcombe bay and have a chinese?"
A) Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson molests children.
two sharks are swimming along, one turns to the other and says, "i'm sick of fish, wanna go to morcombe bay and have a chinese?"
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