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"Masturbation"

I've been staying with guests for about three weeks now, which is great fun and fantastic of them to give me shelter and sometimes food lovely.

But I've been polite. I've decided to, er.. refrainfrommasturbating while in their homes.

It's driving me insane. I feel like someone's slung a sledge hammer between my groin.

The first week or so was fine, my back's being a real pain at the moment, and I managed to trap nerves and stop my lower body from feeling anything at all. Er, that wasn't on purpose.

But every now and again the pain seeps away and I'm left with not-numbness, which results in a strange and animalistic attraction to the closest female. Oh dear.

On Saturday I'm going to a Thunder gig in Astoria, London... and hopefully, by Monday, I'll be back home.

This is insane. If it wasn't for my admitted f**ked up spine, I don't know how well I'd be doing here.

If there was a point to me telling you this I'd tell you, but I guess if I snap and start murdering every last one of you, please forgive me, I'm just frustratingly horny.

Oh dear, now I can't stand up.

Goatboy wrote:
> You make baby jesus cry.
>
> Write a poem about it.
> A gay one about wallpaper and a cat.

The funny thing is, he probably will.

I want you out before Jess comes on Sunday.

I'm sure there are thousands of great metaphors for the man's best friend. That's just one of them.

You make baby jesus cry.

Write a poem about it.
A gay one about wallpaper and a cat.

Ok, question.

Can you rub the maypole in heaven?

Dilemma indeed.

I guess you could argue that you'd never have to, for you'll be provided with women galore.

cookie monster wrote:
> unconscience

There's no way you're getting away with that. It's not a word! I think you mean "unconscious," unless it's some kind of anti-conscience, an inner demon that deliberately erases all empathy and the like.

You know, you really should become a Taoist, they believe that it's a very good thing to tug away on it, as long as you only spill the beans (as it were) every 4 weeks. You see, they learn how to orgasm without the messy result at the end and believe this can really do you good.

They also believe that sex is a very important part of keeping your body healthy, bless 'em.

Taoists have all the fun...

Hm. The funny thing about all this no-masturbation-we're-christian thing is that it stems from the stories of Lillith, I believe, where every wasted sperm is used to create one of her demon children. Lovely. That might actually encourage some people...hm...

Hur hur hur

Yeah, but you can take her into the van and show her your helmet ....

I think I will hate them a little more then you, Borat. You can ignore them whereas soon I shall have to be the caring guy that listens to their drunken jabbering and be tolerant of their catcalls. They all seem to like to approach coppers.