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"Masturbation"

I've been staying with guests for about three weeks now, which is great fun and fantastic of them to give me shelter and sometimes food lovely.

But I've been polite. I've decided to, er.. refrainfrommasturbating while in their homes.

It's driving me insane. I feel like someone's slung a sledge hammer between my groin.

The first week or so was fine, my back's being a real pain at the moment, and I managed to trap nerves and stop my lower body from feeling anything at all. Er, that wasn't on purpose.

But every now and again the pain seeps away and I'm left with not-numbness, which results in a strange and animalistic attraction to the closest female. Oh dear.

On Saturday I'm going to a Thunder gig in Astoria, London... and hopefully, by Monday, I'll be back home.

This is insane. If it wasn't for my admitted f**ked up spine, I don't know how well I'd be doing here.

If there was a point to me telling you this I'd tell you, but I guess if I snap and start murdering every last one of you, please forgive me, I'm just frustratingly horny.

Oh dear, now I can't stand up.

Mystique wrote:
> So...you like the lesbians who look like the Hulk?

No, but they mind their own business without expecting everybody to worship them.

Orgasms, humour and music are why I'm still alive. How dare you say this is low brow.

*deletes poem about Jesus being a wan*er*

Since we are on the subject, here's a Hauki.

Might be phonetically wrong. I'm busy.

I love being
Jackknifed over
My flying fist

THIS IS A BIT LOW BROW FOR THE LIFE FORUM INNIT?

*doesn't actually care*

*claps*

Thank Christ for that! For a moment there I thought you were gonna complete the rhyme using 'El Robin'! Phew ...

Here is my freeform poem on the subject of self abuse:

Tug tug tug away
for life is good
and I'm feeling gay in a non man love way

Veins a throbbin
in me nobbin

Ferocious release like a vampire
from its coffin at nightfall

I am come

I am life

I am death

A stain on your duvet

A dribble of eternity and what could be

Nice. :D

*cries*

It always makes me emotional when I write poems.

Damn, Phil, that's plan A right out the window.

I tugged it hard
I tugged it well
And when I came
I blew like hell
It went on the ceiling
It went on the floor
Splattered the wallpaper
And all over the door
It went on the dog
It went on the cat
They went under the bed
So I came on that
I kept on coming
Till it went over my head
So I drowned in my come
And now I am dead