The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
please say how good this story is on a scale of 1 to 10
1,2,3,4 are void
Bill, Sam and Katy were watching their favourite TV program which was the Tweenies. Bill and Sam were five year old twins and Katy was six. It was coming up to Bill and Sam’s birthday. Katy had a birthday three weeks after Bill and Sam’s.
When there Birthday comes and they both wish for different things. Bill wished he could have a TV which showed the Tweenies all day, and Sam whished he could be one of the Tweenies. Mum and Dad went out to the TV shop and bought a new TV with a video player so Bill could watch the Tweenies all day. they also bought a Tweenies game so that Sam could be a Tweenie. When they got there wishes they were watching and playing all day.
Three weeks later Katy had her birthday and she wished she could have a magical TV which she could talk to, so Mum and Dad went to the TV shop and bought a magical TV.
They all went to bed and read there story books and fell fast asleep.
One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill, Sam and Katy into the TV. They were all in the TV with all their favourite Tweenies were there. They played lots of games with the Tweenies for hours then the Tweenies disappeared! Everything went fuzzy then it snowed, but then that disappeared! Suddenly everything flashed! Then pink, yellow, red and green turtles appeared. The turtles spun around towards them! Bill, Sam and Katy ran until a massive green turtle the biggest they had ever seen crushed them. Then nothing. All they could see was a big window and someone sat down, they looked very carefully it was there Mum! Mum moved away they all ran to the window then Bill spotted “MARIO LAND” and a big turtle like the one they saw on the cover.
Mum calls “tea time” Bill, Sam and Katy rush to the table and Dad says he went down to the game store and bought a new game. The whole family sit around the computer and play “Mario” with each other.
Bill and Sam and Katy think it was a dream but was it a dream?
feedback please! 1 to 10
1,2,3,4 are void
Bill, Sam and Katy were watching their favourite TV program which was the Tweenies. Bill and Sam were five year old twins and Katy was six. It was coming up to Bill and Sam’s birthday. Katy had a birthday three weeks after Bill and Sam’s.
When there Birthday comes and they both wish for different things. Bill wished he could have a TV which showed the Tweenies all day, and Sam whished he could be one of the Tweenies. Mum and Dad went out to the TV shop and bought a new TV with a video player so Bill could watch the Tweenies all day. they also bought a Tweenies game so that Sam could be a Tweenie. When they got there wishes they were watching and playing all day.
Three weeks later Katy had her birthday and she wished she could have a magical TV which she could talk to, so Mum and Dad went to the TV shop and bought a magical TV.
They all went to bed and read there story books and fell fast asleep.
One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill, Sam and Katy into the TV. They were all in the TV with all their favourite Tweenies were there. They played lots of games with the Tweenies for hours then the Tweenies disappeared! Everything went fuzzy then it snowed, but then that disappeared! Suddenly everything flashed! Then pink, yellow, red and green turtles appeared. The turtles spun around towards them! Bill, Sam and Katy ran until a massive green turtle the biggest they had ever seen crushed them. Then nothing. All they could see was a big window and someone sat down, they looked very carefully it was there Mum! Mum moved away they all ran to the window then Bill spotted “MARIO LAND” and a big turtle like the one they saw on the cover.
Mum calls “tea time” Bill, Sam and Katy rush to the table and Dad says he went down to the game store and bought a new game. The whole family sit around the computer and play “Mario” with each other.
Bill and Sam and Katy think it was a dream but was it a dream?
feedback please! 1 to 10
Page:
Bane wrote:
> b銊ánt wrote:
> One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill
Lol! Thanks for pointing that out Bane, you just cheered me up on what is going to be a crappy night!
> b銊ánt wrote:
> One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill
Lol! Thanks for pointing that out Bane, you just cheered me up on what is going to be a crappy night!
Bane wrote:
Hopefully someone here will be more
> Hopefully someone here will be more
helpful.
yes i hope so to
Hopefully someone here will be more
> Hopefully someone here will be more
helpful.
yes i hope so to
b銊ánt wrote:
> One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill
Heh, anyway, my only comment is that if you're going to write children's fiction, try to use better punctuation and spelling, as you will otherwise give kids bad habits.
Other than that, I wouldn;t want to rate this, as it doesn't appeal to me enough to take much notice. Hopefully someone here will be more helpful.
> One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill
Heh, anyway, my only comment is that if you're going to write children's fiction, try to use better punctuation and spelling, as you will otherwise give kids bad habits.
Other than that, I wouldn;t want to rate this, as it doesn't appeal to me enough to take much notice. Hopefully someone here will be more helpful.
please say how good this story is on a scale of 1 to 10
1,2,3,4 are void
Bill, Sam and Katy were watching their favourite TV program which was the Tweenies. Bill and Sam were five year old twins and Katy was six. It was coming up to Bill and Sam’s birthday. Katy had a birthday three weeks after Bill and Sam’s.
When there Birthday comes and they both wish for different things. Bill wished he could have a TV which showed the Tweenies all day, and Sam whished he could be one of the Tweenies. Mum and Dad went out to the TV shop and bought a new TV with a video player so Bill could watch the Tweenies all day. they also bought a Tweenies game so that Sam could be a Tweenie. When they got there wishes they were watching and playing all day.
Three weeks later Katy had her birthday and she wished she could have a magical TV which she could talk to, so Mum and Dad went to the TV shop and bought a magical TV.
They all went to bed and read there story books and fell fast asleep.
One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill, Sam and Katy into the TV. They were all in the TV with all their favourite Tweenies were there. They played lots of games with the Tweenies for hours then the Tweenies disappeared! Everything went fuzzy then it snowed, but then that disappeared! Suddenly everything flashed! Then pink, yellow, red and green turtles appeared. The turtles spun around towards them! Bill, Sam and Katy ran until a massive green turtle the biggest they had ever seen crushed them. Then nothing. All they could see was a big window and someone sat down, they looked very carefully it was there Mum! Mum moved away they all ran to the window then Bill spotted “MARIO LAND” and a big turtle like the one they saw on the cover.
Mum calls “tea time” Bill, Sam and Katy rush to the table and Dad says he went down to the game store and bought a new game. The whole family sit around the computer and play “Mario” with each other.
Bill and Sam and Katy think it was a dream but was it a dream?
feedback please! 1 to 10
1,2,3,4 are void
Bill, Sam and Katy were watching their favourite TV program which was the Tweenies. Bill and Sam were five year old twins and Katy was six. It was coming up to Bill and Sam’s birthday. Katy had a birthday three weeks after Bill and Sam’s.
When there Birthday comes and they both wish for different things. Bill wished he could have a TV which showed the Tweenies all day, and Sam whished he could be one of the Tweenies. Mum and Dad went out to the TV shop and bought a new TV with a video player so Bill could watch the Tweenies all day. they also bought a Tweenies game so that Sam could be a Tweenie. When they got there wishes they were watching and playing all day.
Three weeks later Katy had her birthday and she wished she could have a magical TV which she could talk to, so Mum and Dad went to the TV shop and bought a magical TV.
They all went to bed and read there story books and fell fast asleep.
One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill, Sam and Katy into the TV. They were all in the TV with all their favourite Tweenies were there. They played lots of games with the Tweenies for hours then the Tweenies disappeared! Everything went fuzzy then it snowed, but then that disappeared! Suddenly everything flashed! Then pink, yellow, red and green turtles appeared. The turtles spun around towards them! Bill, Sam and Katy ran until a massive green turtle the biggest they had ever seen crushed them. Then nothing. All they could see was a big window and someone sat down, they looked very carefully it was there Mum! Mum moved away they all ran to the window then Bill spotted “MARIO LAND” and a big turtle like the one they saw on the cover.
Mum calls “tea time” Bill, Sam and Katy rush to the table and Dad says he went down to the game store and bought a new game. The whole family sit around the computer and play “Mario” with each other.
Bill and Sam and Katy think it was a dream but was it a dream?
feedback please! 1 to 10
Page: