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please say how good this story is on a scale of 1 to 10
1,2,3,4 are void
Bill, Sam and Katy were watching their favourite TV program which was the Tweenies. Bill and Sam were five year old twins and Katy was six. It was coming up to Bill and Sam’s birthday. Katy had a birthday three weeks after Bill and Sam’s.
When there Birthday comes and they both wish for different things. Bill wished he could have a TV which showed the Tweenies all day, and Sam whished he could be one of the Tweenies. Mum and Dad went out to the TV shop and bought a new TV with a video player so Bill could watch the Tweenies all day. they also bought a Tweenies game so that Sam could be a Tweenie. When they got there wishes they were watching and playing all day.
Three weeks later Katy had her birthday and she wished she could have a magical TV which she could talk to, so Mum and Dad went to the TV shop and bought a magical TV.
They all went to bed and read there story books and fell fast asleep.
One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill, Sam and Katy into the TV. They were all in the TV with all their favourite Tweenies were there. They played lots of games with the Tweenies for hours then the Tweenies disappeared! Everything went fuzzy then it snowed, but then that disappeared! Suddenly everything flashed! Then pink, yellow, red and green turtles appeared. The turtles spun around towards them! Bill, Sam and Katy ran until a massive green turtle the biggest they had ever seen crushed them. Then nothing. All they could see was a big window and someone sat down, they looked very carefully it was there Mum! Mum moved away they all ran to the window then Bill spotted “MARIO LAND” and a big turtle like the one they saw on the cover.
Mum calls “tea time” Bill, Sam and Katy rush to the table and Dad says he went down to the game store and bought a new game. The whole family sit around the computer and play “Mario” with each other.
Bill and Sam and Katy think it was a dream but was it a dream?
feedback please! 1 to 10
1,2,3,4 are void
Bill, Sam and Katy were watching their favourite TV program which was the Tweenies. Bill and Sam were five year old twins and Katy was six. It was coming up to Bill and Sam’s birthday. Katy had a birthday three weeks after Bill and Sam’s.
When there Birthday comes and they both wish for different things. Bill wished he could have a TV which showed the Tweenies all day, and Sam whished he could be one of the Tweenies. Mum and Dad went out to the TV shop and bought a new TV with a video player so Bill could watch the Tweenies all day. they also bought a Tweenies game so that Sam could be a Tweenie. When they got there wishes they were watching and playing all day.
Three weeks later Katy had her birthday and she wished she could have a magical TV which she could talk to, so Mum and Dad went to the TV shop and bought a magical TV.
They all went to bed and read there story books and fell fast asleep.
One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill, Sam and Katy into the TV. They were all in the TV with all their favourite Tweenies were there. They played lots of games with the Tweenies for hours then the Tweenies disappeared! Everything went fuzzy then it snowed, but then that disappeared! Suddenly everything flashed! Then pink, yellow, red and green turtles appeared. The turtles spun around towards them! Bill, Sam and Katy ran until a massive green turtle the biggest they had ever seen crushed them. Then nothing. All they could see was a big window and someone sat down, they looked very carefully it was there Mum! Mum moved away they all ran to the window then Bill spotted “MARIO LAND” and a big turtle like the one they saw on the cover.
Mum calls “tea time” Bill, Sam and Katy rush to the table and Dad says he went down to the game store and bought a new game. The whole family sit around the computer and play “Mario” with each other.
Bill and Sam and Katy think it was a dream but was it a dream?
feedback please! 1 to 10
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You've hand this in to a teacher ? Yikes, are you "special" or just way younger than all of us because I'd expect this kind of story from my little cousin whose nearly 6.
i am just glad you think my story is a worthy 5/5 thanks guys
Black Glove wrote:
> If I read this scrawled on the wall of a lunatic asylum written in
> blood, I'd say: "Why, Mister Madman, you have excelled yourself
> - 8/10." As I didn't read it under those circumstances, I'll
> give it -5.
sorry -5 is void it will be replaced with +5
> If I read this scrawled on the wall of a lunatic asylum written in
> blood, I'd say: "Why, Mister Madman, you have excelled yourself
> - 8/10." As I didn't read it under those circumstances, I'll
> give it -5.
sorry -5 is void it will be replaced with +5
b銊ánt wrote:
> please say how good this story is on a scale of 1 to 10
> 1,2,3,4 are void
a few lines later
> feedback please! 1 to 10
thanks bane it helps though i have already given it in to teacher hence i wanted to see what you think then what teacher thinks?
so if you decide to post without numbers 1 to 10 feedback
i will presume that you mean 10
> please say how good this story is on a scale of 1 to 10
> 1,2,3,4 are void
a few lines later
> feedback please! 1 to 10
thanks bane it helps though i have already given it in to teacher hence i wanted to see what you think then what teacher thinks?
so if you decide to post without numbers 1 to 10 feedback
i will presume that you mean 10
If I read this scrawled on the wall of a lunatic asylum written in blood, I'd say: "Why, Mister Madman, you have excelled yourself - 8/10." As I didn't read it under those circumstances, I'll give it -5.
Is this supposed to be a parody of other people's topics, or serious ?
If serious then I rate it 5, because apparently it can't be rated 1 2 3 4.
If serious then I rate it 5, because apparently it can't be rated 1 2 3 4.
I gave you feedback on your spelling and use of punctuation. But I'll reiterate for you if you like. This reads just like a child talks. No real sentence structure and often bereft of meaning.
wow you guys are soooo helpful i just wish i had got some feedback form you!
b銊ánt wrote:
> ßuIIe††™ wrote:
> Bane wrote:
> b銊ánt wrote:
> One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill
>
> Lol! Thanks for pointing that out Bane, you just cheered me up on
> what is going to be a crappy night!
>
>
> thank you to for being the most helpful on this topic so far!
>
> .
No worries! Can't comment on the story though, because it doesn't interest me so I wouldn't be able to tell you if it is any good or not (from a neutral point of view)
> ßuIIe††™ wrote:
> Bane wrote:
> b銊ánt wrote:
> One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill
>
> Lol! Thanks for pointing that out Bane, you just cheered me up on
> what is going to be a crappy night!
>
>
> thank you to for being the most helpful on this topic so far!
>
> .
No worries! Can't comment on the story though, because it doesn't interest me so I wouldn't be able to tell you if it is any good or not (from a neutral point of view)
ßuIIe††™ wrote:
> Bane wrote:
> b銊ánt wrote:
> One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill
>
> Lol! Thanks for pointing that out Bane, you just cheered me up on
> what is going to be a crappy night!
thank you to for being the most helpful on this topic so far!
.
> Bane wrote:
> b銊ánt wrote:
> One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill
>
> Lol! Thanks for pointing that out Bane, you just cheered me up on
> what is going to be a crappy night!
thank you to for being the most helpful on this topic so far!
.
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