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please say how good this story is on a scale of 1 to 10
1,2,3,4 are void
Bill, Sam and Katy were watching their favourite TV program which was the Tweenies. Bill and Sam were five year old twins and Katy was six. It was coming up to Bill and Sam’s birthday. Katy had a birthday three weeks after Bill and Sam’s.
When there Birthday comes and they both wish for different things. Bill wished he could have a TV which showed the Tweenies all day, and Sam whished he could be one of the Tweenies. Mum and Dad went out to the TV shop and bought a new TV with a video player so Bill could watch the Tweenies all day. they also bought a Tweenies game so that Sam could be a Tweenie. When they got there wishes they were watching and playing all day.
Three weeks later Katy had her birthday and she wished she could have a magical TV which she could talk to, so Mum and Dad went to the TV shop and bought a magical TV.
They all went to bed and read there story books and fell fast asleep.
One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill, Sam and Katy into the TV. They were all in the TV with all their favourite Tweenies were there. They played lots of games with the Tweenies for hours then the Tweenies disappeared! Everything went fuzzy then it snowed, but then that disappeared! Suddenly everything flashed! Then pink, yellow, red and green turtles appeared. The turtles spun around towards them! Bill, Sam and Katy ran until a massive green turtle the biggest they had ever seen crushed them. Then nothing. All they could see was a big window and someone sat down, they looked very carefully it was there Mum! Mum moved away they all ran to the window then Bill spotted “MARIO LAND” and a big turtle like the one they saw on the cover.
Mum calls “tea time” Bill, Sam and Katy rush to the table and Dad says he went down to the game store and bought a new game. The whole family sit around the computer and play “Mario” with each other.
Bill and Sam and Katy think it was a dream but was it a dream?
feedback please! 1 to 10
1,2,3,4 are void
Bill, Sam and Katy were watching their favourite TV program which was the Tweenies. Bill and Sam were five year old twins and Katy was six. It was coming up to Bill and Sam’s birthday. Katy had a birthday three weeks after Bill and Sam’s.
When there Birthday comes and they both wish for different things. Bill wished he could have a TV which showed the Tweenies all day, and Sam whished he could be one of the Tweenies. Mum and Dad went out to the TV shop and bought a new TV with a video player so Bill could watch the Tweenies all day. they also bought a Tweenies game so that Sam could be a Tweenie. When they got there wishes they were watching and playing all day.
Three weeks later Katy had her birthday and she wished she could have a magical TV which she could talk to, so Mum and Dad went to the TV shop and bought a magical TV.
They all went to bed and read there story books and fell fast asleep.
One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill, Sam and Katy into the TV. They were all in the TV with all their favourite Tweenies were there. They played lots of games with the Tweenies for hours then the Tweenies disappeared! Everything went fuzzy then it snowed, but then that disappeared! Suddenly everything flashed! Then pink, yellow, red and green turtles appeared. The turtles spun around towards them! Bill, Sam and Katy ran until a massive green turtle the biggest they had ever seen crushed them. Then nothing. All they could see was a big window and someone sat down, they looked very carefully it was there Mum! Mum moved away they all ran to the window then Bill spotted “MARIO LAND” and a big turtle like the one they saw on the cover.
Mum calls “tea time” Bill, Sam and Katy rush to the table and Dad says he went down to the game store and bought a new game. The whole family sit around the computer and play “Mario” with each other.
Bill and Sam and Katy think it was a dream but was it a dream?
feedback please! 1 to 10
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It looks like it has been written by a spaz on acid.
It's crap.
Belldandy wrote:
> No, but lets face it - anyone who wants to snipe grammar errors on
> the internet really needs a life.
That is so true. But at the same time I can't help but wonder: are the people who snipe at some kid's story so very superior? Or can they dish it out but not take it?
I just think that if you're going to rip someone to shreds over a piece of writing then you should at least know the difference between 'whose' and 'who is' and be prepared to demonstrate it in your post.
> No, but lets face it - anyone who wants to snipe grammar errors on
> the internet really needs a life.
That is so true. But at the same time I can't help but wonder: are the people who snipe at some kid's story so very superior? Or can they dish it out but not take it?
I just think that if you're going to rip someone to shreds over a piece of writing then you should at least know the difference between 'whose' and 'who is' and be prepared to demonstrate it in your post.
LL Cool TT wrote:
> *ponders - are they really one and the same?*
No, but lets face it - anyone who wants to snipe grammar errors on the internet really needs a life.
> *ponders - are they really one and the same?*
No, but lets face it - anyone who wants to snipe grammar errors on the internet really needs a life.
-150004499.0019
0.
unknown kernel wrote:
> Belldandy wrote:
> You've hand this in to a teacher ? Yikes, are you
> "special"
> or just way younger than all of us because I'd expect this kind of
> story from my little cousin whose nearly 6.
>
> Ah, the delicious irony of a man trying to be sneering and superior
> while littering his post with grammatical errors.
Belldandy wrote:
> So you think the story is great then ? Way to go you ! I mean, sniping > spelling mistakes in posts is soooooooooooooooooo cool and so worth it.
'Spelling mistakes'
'Grammatical errors'
*ponders - are they really one and the same?*
> Belldandy wrote:
> You've hand this in to a teacher ? Yikes, are you
> "special"
> or just way younger than all of us because I'd expect this kind of
> story from my little cousin whose nearly 6.
>
> Ah, the delicious irony of a man trying to be sneering and superior
> while littering his post with grammatical errors.
Belldandy wrote:
> So you think the story is great then ? Way to go you ! I mean, sniping > spelling mistakes in posts is soooooooooooooooooo cool and so worth it.
'Spelling mistakes'
'Grammatical errors'
*ponders - are they really one and the same?*
unknown kernel wrote:
> Ah, the delicious irony of a man trying to be sneering and superior
> while littering his post with grammatical errors.
So you think the story is great then ? Way to go you ! I mean, sniping spelling mistakes in posts is soooooooooooooooooo cool and so worth it.
> Ah, the delicious irony of a man trying to be sneering and superior
> while littering his post with grammatical errors.
So you think the story is great then ? Way to go you ! I mean, sniping spelling mistakes in posts is soooooooooooooooooo cool and so worth it.
i have to be honest now. i thought it was incredibly crap. lots of names in the sentences, and it just seems like running commentary, and it's as thought corners are cut. It's also a highly unoriginal plot.
Belldandy wrote:
> You've hand this in to a teacher ? Yikes, are you "special"
> or just way younger than all of us because I'd expect this kind of
> story from my little cousin whose nearly 6.
Ah, the delicious irony of a man trying to be sneering and superior while littering his post with grammatical errors.
> You've hand this in to a teacher ? Yikes, are you "special"
> or just way younger than all of us because I'd expect this kind of
> story from my little cousin whose nearly 6.
Ah, the delicious irony of a man trying to be sneering and superior while littering his post with grammatical errors.
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