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please say how good this story is on a scale of 1 to 10
1,2,3,4 are void
Bill, Sam and Katy were watching their favourite TV program which was the Tweenies. Bill and Sam were five year old twins and Katy was six. It was coming up to Bill and Sam’s birthday. Katy had a birthday three weeks after Bill and Sam’s.
When there Birthday comes and they both wish for different things. Bill wished he could have a TV which showed the Tweenies all day, and Sam whished he could be one of the Tweenies. Mum and Dad went out to the TV shop and bought a new TV with a video player so Bill could watch the Tweenies all day. they also bought a Tweenies game so that Sam could be a Tweenie. When they got there wishes they were watching and playing all day.
Three weeks later Katy had her birthday and she wished she could have a magical TV which she could talk to, so Mum and Dad went to the TV shop and bought a magical TV.
They all went to bed and read there story books and fell fast asleep.
One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill, Sam and Katy into the TV. They were all in the TV with all their favourite Tweenies were there. They played lots of games with the Tweenies for hours then the Tweenies disappeared! Everything went fuzzy then it snowed, but then that disappeared! Suddenly everything flashed! Then pink, yellow, red and green turtles appeared. The turtles spun around towards them! Bill, Sam and Katy ran until a massive green turtle the biggest they had ever seen crushed them. Then nothing. All they could see was a big window and someone sat down, they looked very carefully it was there Mum! Mum moved away they all ran to the window then Bill spotted “MARIO LAND” and a big turtle like the one they saw on the cover.
Mum calls “tea time” Bill, Sam and Katy rush to the table and Dad says he went down to the game store and bought a new game. The whole family sit around the computer and play “Mario” with each other.
Bill and Sam and Katy think it was a dream but was it a dream?
feedback please! 1 to 10
1,2,3,4 are void
Bill, Sam and Katy were watching their favourite TV program which was the Tweenies. Bill and Sam were five year old twins and Katy was six. It was coming up to Bill and Sam’s birthday. Katy had a birthday three weeks after Bill and Sam’s.
When there Birthday comes and they both wish for different things. Bill wished he could have a TV which showed the Tweenies all day, and Sam whished he could be one of the Tweenies. Mum and Dad went out to the TV shop and bought a new TV with a video player so Bill could watch the Tweenies all day. they also bought a Tweenies game so that Sam could be a Tweenie. When they got there wishes they were watching and playing all day.
Three weeks later Katy had her birthday and she wished she could have a magical TV which she could talk to, so Mum and Dad went to the TV shop and bought a magical TV.
They all went to bed and read there story books and fell fast asleep.
One night the magical TV turned itself on and sucked Bill, Sam and Katy into the TV. They were all in the TV with all their favourite Tweenies were there. They played lots of games with the Tweenies for hours then the Tweenies disappeared! Everything went fuzzy then it snowed, but then that disappeared! Suddenly everything flashed! Then pink, yellow, red and green turtles appeared. The turtles spun around towards them! Bill, Sam and Katy ran until a massive green turtle the biggest they had ever seen crushed them. Then nothing. All they could see was a big window and someone sat down, they looked very carefully it was there Mum! Mum moved away they all ran to the window then Bill spotted “MARIO LAND” and a big turtle like the one they saw on the cover.
Mum calls “tea time” Bill, Sam and Katy rush to the table and Dad says he went down to the game store and bought a new game. The whole family sit around the computer and play “Mario” with each other.
Bill and Sam and Katy think it was a dream but was it a dream?
feedback please! 1 to 10
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unknown kernel wrote:
> ...said the man while being pedantic about it.
The difference is that you checked, I didn't.
> ...said the man while being pedantic about it.
The difference is that you checked, I didn't.
Belldandy wrote:
> And, I think it should have been "whilst" instead of
> "while" but I really cannot be bothered to waste time being
> pedantic about it.
...said the man while being pedantic about it.
Anyway, I have no such qualms, pedantry is the lifeblood of forum spats: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=whilst
You can apologise WHILE (or whilst) having the last word.
> And, I think it should have been "whilst" instead of
> "while" but I really cannot be bothered to waste time being
> pedantic about it.
...said the man while being pedantic about it.
Anyway, I have no such qualms, pedantry is the lifeblood of forum spats: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=whilst
You can apologise WHILE (or whilst) having the last word.
it's a shame that them thar popular ratings are void.
notice that many have opted for the nearest legal to 1 rating.
i always hate it when you cant tell if someones being sarcasticlly spastic, or (not meaning to offend) just spastic.
my answer is that you need to read more.
notice that many have opted for the nearest legal to 1 rating.
i always hate it when you cant tell if someones being sarcasticlly spastic, or (not meaning to offend) just spastic.
my answer is that you need to read more.
b銊ánt wrote:
> i am just glad you think my story is a worthy 5/5 thanks guys
Someone gave it a minus five, and another gave it 5 because you dissalowed 1-2-3-4.
So thats MINUS five out of ten, and 1-2-3-4 out of ten.
I will give it minus one, and you can add one point for every year that you are below six years of age.
And that's out of ten.
> i am just glad you think my story is a worthy 5/5 thanks guys
Someone gave it a minus five, and another gave it 5 because you dissalowed 1-2-3-4.
So thats MINUS five out of ten, and 1-2-3-4 out of ten.
I will give it minus one, and you can add one point for every year that you are below six years of age.
And that's out of ten.
unknown kernel wrote:
> I just think that if you're going to rip someone to shreds over a
> piece of writing then you should at least know the difference between
> 'whose' and 'who is' and be prepared to demonstrate it in your post.
Ys, bcs I rly do wnt 2 mk the efrt 4 ths tpc
As for yourself: Capital letters for the first letter of each name, surely?
And, I think it should have been "whilst" instead of "while" but I really cannot be bothered to waste time being pedantic about it.
> I just think that if you're going to rip someone to shreds over a
> piece of writing then you should at least know the difference between
> 'whose' and 'who is' and be prepared to demonstrate it in your post.
Ys, bcs I rly do wnt 2 mk the efrt 4 ths tpc
As for yourself: Capital letters for the first letter of each name, surely?
And, I think it should have been "whilst" instead of "while" but I really cannot be bothered to waste time being pedantic about it.
Black Glove wrote:
> Emperor Xerxes wrote:
> HálloHowArtThou wrote:
> It's crap.
>
> I would say that was probably a little harsh...
>
> Harsh but utterly correct, unless b銊ánt is 5 years
> old, in which case he has a bright future.
Yes, well....hm.
> Emperor Xerxes wrote:
> HálloHowArtThou wrote:
> It's crap.
>
> I would say that was probably a little harsh...
>
> Harsh but utterly correct, unless b銊ánt is 5 years
> old, in which case he has a bright future.
Yes, well....hm.
Emperor Xerxes wrote:
> HálloHowArtThou wrote:
> It's crap.
>
> I would say that was probably a little harsh...
Harsh but utterly correct, unless b銊ánt is 5 years old, in which case he has a bright future.
> HálloHowArtThou wrote:
> It's crap.
>
> I would say that was probably a little harsh...
Harsh but utterly correct, unless b銊ánt is 5 years old, in which case he has a bright future.
HálloHowArtThou wrote:
> It's crap.
I would say that was probably a little harsh...
> It's crap.
I would say that was probably a little harsh...
I'm fairly nonplussed by it. Couldn't comment either way. If it's meant to be ironic, it failed in every sense.
If not, then there are issue here that need addressing.
If not, then there are issue here that need addressing.
HálloHowArtThou wrote:
> It's crap.
That's a fair comment because you spelled all your words correctly, put the apostrophe in the right place and used capital letters in an appropriate manner. A* lit crit for you, well done. Now let Belldandy copy your notes.
> It's crap.
That's a fair comment because you spelled all your words correctly, put the apostrophe in the right place and used capital letters in an appropriate manner. A* lit crit for you, well done. Now let Belldandy copy your notes.
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