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Look. Don't blame me, I'm bored. If people were in here chatting away, I wouldn't have to sink to this level.
Smoke purred from Ant's mouth, drifting into the air, and pulling the life from within him out...
"You shouldn't smoke you know. It's bad for the insides."
Ant looked down at his curry. He wouldn't be suprised if the curry did more damage.
"I can't eat any more." He said. "I'm not feeling too well today."
The man took away Ant's curry, and emptied it into a bucket.
"That'll be 90 credits..." As the man looked up, Ant was no longer at his seat.
"Put it on the slate!" Ant shouted...
Ant had recieved another message. It was from command. Apparently some of the driods had broke lose, killing a few task forces on the way.
Ant got into his hovercar, just a bog standard craft, but the seats were uncomfortable. He knew this would be his last run before he could buy another.
He pulled the craft up, and out of the giant hanger, and into the open air. It was night. You could tell it was night because there were more hovercars around, it usually gets busy at night... Ant looked up at the deep smog that had settled over the city of Pembroke many years ago... not long after Pembroke was declared the new capital of the former British Isles all those years ago... before the war.
Ant remembers it as if it were about 10 years ago, so he expected the details to be a bit foggy.
Professor Miyamoto about 11 years ago invented the next generation of machinary to compete with the Overlords Playchip 3, which was in popular demand with kids...
Under the company name Nintendo, Prof. Miyamoto released the Nintendo chip into the mass market. Hundreds of people brought them, and had them implanted. Some many happy faces... so much peace in the world...
Then something, as always it seemed, went wrong. The chips started to manufuction, taking the persons will of control with it. They produced hundreds of automated psyhcotic killing machines, and Nintendo had no control over them...
The Overlord had ordered that all Nintendo products to be taking off the market, and ordered that Nintendo was shut down.
Ant pulled out of his daydream, and realised that he was heading straight for a building... He pulled up with ease. But someone behind him, who didn't anticipate his move quickly dodged to the left to avoid Ant, and hit the building that Ant was trying to avoid. The sprialling trail of the hovercars smoke reminded Ant to light his cigarette, which was just clasped unlit between his lips. Ant thought he was going insane...
Ant managed to navigate through the rest of the car maze, and ended up at the Overlords headquarters. Sony HQ.
He landed. Finding a space was easy, just land on top of any car already there. Sometimes you would find stacks of cars miles high, with the Jenga like approuch for the man with the bottom car, attempting to remove his car... There had been several "Jenga" accidents in the last few days.
Ant had left his car, climbed down the stack of cars, and entered the building. He proceeded past reception, and walked down the dark stairs. He took the second door on the left, walked around the fountain in the middle of the room to the third door, past the small wildlife display, through the small hall, under the glass bridge, and through the red double doors.
"Who are you?" Said the man inside.
"My names Ant. I'm a Blade Runner."
"Oh... you looking for the Command office. You should have taken the fourth door near the waterfall, this is the lower hall."
"Oh. Ta."
Smoke purred from Ant's mouth, drifting into the air, and pulling the life from within him out...
"You shouldn't smoke you know. It's bad for the insides."
Ant looked down at his curry. He wouldn't be suprised if the curry did more damage.
"I can't eat any more." He said. "I'm not feeling too well today."
The man took away Ant's curry, and emptied it into a bucket.
"That'll be 90 credits..." As the man looked up, Ant was no longer at his seat.
"Put it on the slate!" Ant shouted...
Ant had recieved another message. It was from command. Apparently some of the driods had broke lose, killing a few task forces on the way.
Ant got into his hovercar, just a bog standard craft, but the seats were uncomfortable. He knew this would be his last run before he could buy another.
He pulled the craft up, and out of the giant hanger, and into the open air. It was night. You could tell it was night because there were more hovercars around, it usually gets busy at night... Ant looked up at the deep smog that had settled over the city of Pembroke many years ago... not long after Pembroke was declared the new capital of the former British Isles all those years ago... before the war.
Ant remembers it as if it were about 10 years ago, so he expected the details to be a bit foggy.
Professor Miyamoto about 11 years ago invented the next generation of machinary to compete with the Overlords Playchip 3, which was in popular demand with kids...
Under the company name Nintendo, Prof. Miyamoto released the Nintendo chip into the mass market. Hundreds of people brought them, and had them implanted. Some many happy faces... so much peace in the world...
Then something, as always it seemed, went wrong. The chips started to manufuction, taking the persons will of control with it. They produced hundreds of automated psyhcotic killing machines, and Nintendo had no control over them...
The Overlord had ordered that all Nintendo products to be taking off the market, and ordered that Nintendo was shut down.
Ant pulled out of his daydream, and realised that he was heading straight for a building... He pulled up with ease. But someone behind him, who didn't anticipate his move quickly dodged to the left to avoid Ant, and hit the building that Ant was trying to avoid. The sprialling trail of the hovercars smoke reminded Ant to light his cigarette, which was just clasped unlit between his lips. Ant thought he was going insane...
Ant managed to navigate through the rest of the car maze, and ended up at the Overlords headquarters. Sony HQ.
He landed. Finding a space was easy, just land on top of any car already there. Sometimes you would find stacks of cars miles high, with the Jenga like approuch for the man with the bottom car, attempting to remove his car... There had been several "Jenga" accidents in the last few days.
Ant had left his car, climbed down the stack of cars, and entered the building. He proceeded past reception, and walked down the dark stairs. He took the second door on the left, walked around the fountain in the middle of the room to the third door, past the small wildlife display, through the small hall, under the glass bridge, and through the red double doors.
"Who are you?" Said the man inside.
"My names Ant. I'm a Blade Runner."
"Oh... you looking for the Command office. You should have taken the fourth door near the waterfall, this is the lower hall."
"Oh. Ta."
Page:
As if by magic, fog appeared around the top of the cliff...
An arm reached over, and grabbed a plant.
Another arm, clutching a machete, dug into the ground... and the person strained as he tried to pull himself up.
It was Sniper... but he was different.
Sniper had green and brown paint on his face, he was wearing a red bandana, had a ammo strip strapped around his torso, and had a sniper rifle, and a shotgun, strapped to his back.
Also, Snipers left arm seems to have been cut off in the last five seconds, and has been replaced with a chainsaw.
Sniper looked at his reflection in the knife.
"Damn." He said. "I'm looking good."
Sniper flicked the knife in his hand to face him. And plunged it back into it's holster.
Unfortuantly, Sniper misjudged his size, and plunged the knife into his hip instead.
"Arggggggghhhh!" Sniper reached over with his other arm, which had been replaced by a chainsaw, and accidently sawed his leg off.
The leg, with his knife still stuck in it, fell off the cliff, and landed with a *splodge* in the pinky smelly half congealed syrup at the bottom of the cliff.
Sniper, inbetween fits of screaming, managed to reach behind him, and grabbed his shotgun.
With a bullet between his teeth from his ammo strap, Sniper pushed the shotgun into his open wound, removed his bandana, and tied it around the remains of his leg with one hand to hold it in position.
Still breathing rapidly, Sniper tried to stand up.
The shotgun was working as a leg very well for now, even though it hurt like hell.
Sniper tried not to put pressure on it, as he took his first step... he gently put pressure on the leg...
The shotgun slided through his leg, stopping only to get the trigger caught on a snapped bone, which fired both barrels up through his body.
--------
The elephants were sleeping, and the monkeys were dancing around the Tardis.
The pale man watched the monkeys dance. Innocent and naive they may be, but they were good company at times, and were always loyal. But sometimes... at least, it seemed, the monkeys weren't interested his evilness after all...
One of the monkeys tried to open the door, but his arm was to weak to pull the door open. The other monkey tried to help.
The man stood up. He needed to tell his plans to the monkeys. To give them a reason to serve.
The man strided towards the Tardis and the monkeys. The monkeys immedietly sensed him coming, and jumped out of the way automatically.
The man climbed to the top of the Tardis, and stood over the monkeys.
"The planets are aligned, the time has come gentlemen."
The monkeys ooked in appreciation.
"As we stand here today, knowing the fate of this world, we cannot stand aside and let things take their toll!"
The monkeys jumped up and down.
"We MUST stride to seize what is rightfully ours! We MUST not let the evils destroy this land! We CANNOT let this happen!"
The monkeys screamed in appreciation.
"Let the world be ours!"
The monkeys suddenly stopped screaming, and looked up in awe.
The pale man stared funnily at the chimps, and followed their line of sight.
The man looked up to meet Snipers face eye to eye, just before his head came smashing down on top of his.
The pale man knocked out cold, and collapsed on the roof of the Tardis.
The monkeys screamed in appreciation.
An arm reached over, and grabbed a plant.
Another arm, clutching a machete, dug into the ground... and the person strained as he tried to pull himself up.
It was Sniper... but he was different.
Sniper had green and brown paint on his face, he was wearing a red bandana, had a ammo strip strapped around his torso, and had a sniper rifle, and a shotgun, strapped to his back.
Also, Snipers left arm seems to have been cut off in the last five seconds, and has been replaced with a chainsaw.
Sniper looked at his reflection in the knife.
"Damn." He said. "I'm looking good."
Sniper flicked the knife in his hand to face him. And plunged it back into it's holster.
Unfortuantly, Sniper misjudged his size, and plunged the knife into his hip instead.
"Arggggggghhhh!" Sniper reached over with his other arm, which had been replaced by a chainsaw, and accidently sawed his leg off.
The leg, with his knife still stuck in it, fell off the cliff, and landed with a *splodge* in the pinky smelly half congealed syrup at the bottom of the cliff.
Sniper, inbetween fits of screaming, managed to reach behind him, and grabbed his shotgun.
With a bullet between his teeth from his ammo strap, Sniper pushed the shotgun into his open wound, removed his bandana, and tied it around the remains of his leg with one hand to hold it in position.
Still breathing rapidly, Sniper tried to stand up.
The shotgun was working as a leg very well for now, even though it hurt like hell.
Sniper tried not to put pressure on it, as he took his first step... he gently put pressure on the leg...
The shotgun slided through his leg, stopping only to get the trigger caught on a snapped bone, which fired both barrels up through his body.
--------
The elephants were sleeping, and the monkeys were dancing around the Tardis.
The pale man watched the monkeys dance. Innocent and naive they may be, but they were good company at times, and were always loyal. But sometimes... at least, it seemed, the monkeys weren't interested his evilness after all...
One of the monkeys tried to open the door, but his arm was to weak to pull the door open. The other monkey tried to help.
The man stood up. He needed to tell his plans to the monkeys. To give them a reason to serve.
The man strided towards the Tardis and the monkeys. The monkeys immedietly sensed him coming, and jumped out of the way automatically.
The man climbed to the top of the Tardis, and stood over the monkeys.
"The planets are aligned, the time has come gentlemen."
The monkeys ooked in appreciation.
"As we stand here today, knowing the fate of this world, we cannot stand aside and let things take their toll!"
The monkeys jumped up and down.
"We MUST stride to seize what is rightfully ours! We MUST not let the evils destroy this land! We CANNOT let this happen!"
The monkeys screamed in appreciation.
"Let the world be ours!"
The monkeys suddenly stopped screaming, and looked up in awe.
The pale man stared funnily at the chimps, and followed their line of sight.
The man looked up to meet Snipers face eye to eye, just before his head came smashing down on top of his.
The pale man knocked out cold, and collapsed on the roof of the Tardis.
The monkeys screamed in appreciation.
...and a reverberating parp that was more a product of FM's lack of dinner than the sonic boom.
Sniper had luckily landed in the soft goo again, but now he had had enough.
"That's it." he said. He pulled out a small metallic device and pressed the button. "Now I'll show them."
As the room spun into view, Sniper saw the form of the person he needed to complete his task. He navigated the desks and PCs and put his hands around the neck of the writer.
"Write me a decent character, or else!" he screamed as he swept the writers hands away from the keybooooooorrrrrrdddddddddddd *argh!*
Sniper had luckily landed in the soft goo again, but now he had had enough.
"That's it." he said. He pulled out a small metallic device and pressed the button. "Now I'll show them."
As the room spun into view, Sniper saw the form of the person he needed to complete his task. He navigated the desks and PCs and put his hands around the neck of the writer.
"Write me a decent character, or else!" he screamed as he swept the writers hands away from the keybooooooorrrrrrdddddddddddd *argh!*
Funny things, sonic waves. They way they can expand in form to produce decibels. Especially if they start from a concentrated source, flow at the speed of sound through a cave and exit with a sonic boom from a cave mouth.
This is precisely what happened when Ant's 'small device' exploded.
Now, a little known fact about sonic booms is that they are all fine and dandy when being emitted from an aircraft at 30,000ft where they just become a nuisance, but when they hit you full in the face just after you've finished climbing out of a wallpaper paste swamp and navigated your way carefully up a 100ft sheer cliff wall, they can be a bit of a buggery.
Which Sniper duly found out just as he finished climbing out of a wallpaper paste swamp and navigated...
It hit him full in the face with a resounding, unstoppable force and a reverberating
*click*
This is precisely what happened when Ant's 'small device' exploded.
Now, a little known fact about sonic booms is that they are all fine and dandy when being emitted from an aircraft at 30,000ft where they just become a nuisance, but when they hit you full in the face just after you've finished climbing out of a wallpaper paste swamp and navigated your way carefully up a 100ft sheer cliff wall, they can be a bit of a buggery.
Which Sniper duly found out just as he finished climbing out of a wallpaper paste swamp and navigated...
It hit him full in the face with a resounding, unstoppable force and a reverberating
*click*
*Musical interlude*
"Mongoose Man, Mongoose Man
Does everything, a mongoose can"
*Continue story*
"Mongoose Man, Mongoose Man
Does everything, a mongoose can"
*Continue story*
As the group walked down the seemingly neverending corridor, Ant turned to FM and asked,
"Why does Grix keep following us and then disappearing? It makes no sense, it's as if he wanted to be captured."
"Dunno." shrugged FM, "Perhaps he wants the attention, or the scriptwriter doesn't realise he's ONE OF THE BAD GUYS"
"Hold it fellas, I think we've found what we were looking for." said pb as they all came to a halt in front of a large neon sign that pointed towards a blow up couch.
On the couch sat er-no, he was counting whitish-pink slips and laughing to himself.
"Welcome to my home." he said. "I've been expecting you. I hope you like my lounge, it was put together using rejects from Special Reserve Reddy vouchers, though why they never offered anyone this paisley settee is a mystery."
FM tried very hard to keep his lunch down, which was difficult seeing as he hadn't eaten any. They waited to find out their fate.
"I don't suppose you've come across my pet snake anywhere have you?" asked er-no, with a chuckle.
"Well, as a matter of fact..." started pb before he noticed the curtain in the corner twitching and watched as **Sn@ke3** slid out from behind. **Sn@ke3** looked like a cross between a cobra and a man, his eyes were red and instead of walking he slithered along.
"GET THEM!" yelled er-no as **Sn@ke3** darted forward. Ant turned and whipped out a small device which expanded, then exploded leaving nothing but smoke.
"you exsssssspect that to kill me?" said the slithering snake.
"No, but I'd like you to meet a friend of mine that might...." said Ant pointing to the smoke as a figure stepped out from the swirlling shapes. "Meet Mongoose man."
"Why does Grix keep following us and then disappearing? It makes no sense, it's as if he wanted to be captured."
"Dunno." shrugged FM, "Perhaps he wants the attention, or the scriptwriter doesn't realise he's ONE OF THE BAD GUYS"
"Hold it fellas, I think we've found what we were looking for." said pb as they all came to a halt in front of a large neon sign that pointed towards a blow up couch.
On the couch sat er-no, he was counting whitish-pink slips and laughing to himself.
"Welcome to my home." he said. "I've been expecting you. I hope you like my lounge, it was put together using rejects from Special Reserve Reddy vouchers, though why they never offered anyone this paisley settee is a mystery."
FM tried very hard to keep his lunch down, which was difficult seeing as he hadn't eaten any. They waited to find out their fate.
"I don't suppose you've come across my pet snake anywhere have you?" asked er-no, with a chuckle.
"Well, as a matter of fact..." started pb before he noticed the curtain in the corner twitching and watched as **Sn@ke3** slid out from behind. **Sn@ke3** looked like a cross between a cobra and a man, his eyes were red and instead of walking he slithered along.
"GET THEM!" yelled er-no as **Sn@ke3** darted forward. Ant turned and whipped out a small device which expanded, then exploded leaving nothing but smoke.
"you exsssssspect that to kill me?" said the slithering snake.
"No, but I'd like you to meet a friend of mine that might...." said Ant pointing to the smoke as a figure stepped out from the swirlling shapes. "Meet Mongoose man."
Meanwhile, back at the cave...
"Look, it was just a joke, ok?" FM backed up a bit further as Grix advanced towards him. "And you can stop waving that lumpy magnet about, what are you going to mmnnngffhhh!!!!!"
Grix had shoved the magnet right inside FM's mouth which was now contorted into a very wide grin.
"Right, he said," rubbing his hands together, "Where were we?"
"Late 70s pastiche?" hazarded Ant, wondering whether or not to help extract the magnet from his buddy.
"OK!! So lets get moving then! And how deep does this cave go anyway?" Grix moved off, the others following in single file, with FM bringing up the rear and watching the ground as we went for any large branches that he might be able to use as a toothpick.
____________
Sniper floated gently to the surface of the swamp, wondering what had just hit him. He realised that most of his brain had just been squirted out from between his ears, but to all intents and purposes he didn't think anyone would notice the difference so he wasn't too worried. He'd have his revenge, he'd get them, just watch...
____________
The mysterious figure looked at the Tardis, and the monkeys that sat on top of it. The elephants were lolloping about in the long grass just off to his right. It was all a bit too much for this writer who didn't have a clue how to carry on with the thread, and so he stopped typing with a
*click*
"Look, it was just a joke, ok?" FM backed up a bit further as Grix advanced towards him. "And you can stop waving that lumpy magnet about, what are you going to mmnnngffhhh!!!!!"
Grix had shoved the magnet right inside FM's mouth which was now contorted into a very wide grin.
"Right, he said," rubbing his hands together, "Where were we?"
"Late 70s pastiche?" hazarded Ant, wondering whether or not to help extract the magnet from his buddy.
"OK!! So lets get moving then! And how deep does this cave go anyway?" Grix moved off, the others following in single file, with FM bringing up the rear and watching the ground as we went for any large branches that he might be able to use as a toothpick.
____________
Sniper floated gently to the surface of the swamp, wondering what had just hit him. He realised that most of his brain had just been squirted out from between his ears, but to all intents and purposes he didn't think anyone would notice the difference so he wasn't too worried. He'd have his revenge, he'd get them, just watch...
____________
The mysterious figure looked at the Tardis, and the monkeys that sat on top of it. The elephants were lolloping about in the long grass just off to his right. It was all a bit too much for this writer who didn't have a clue how to carry on with the thread, and so he stopped typing with a
*click*
Back at the swamp a mysterious figure looked down at the sinking tardis.
"This may be of some use." He turned and walked away.
_______________
SNIPER begun to crawl out of the paste swamp. With the mysterious figure gone, surely it was his chance to escape!
He pulled himself half way out of the paste.
Suddenly he was alerted by the sound of footsteps. Heavy ones. He ducked down, back into the paste, using only a thin tube to breathe with.
The mysteious figure had returned, and with him he had brought two elephants, and a number of chimps.
He spoke in some strange tongue, and the chimps jumped to the tardis, tying ropes around it.
The other end of the ropes were tied around the elephants.
The mysterious figure gestured to the elephants and they began to pull the tardis from it's sticky home.
Just as the tardis was beginning to shift one of the elephants lost it's footing. To avoid falling into the paste completely it set it's best foot forward. Fortunately there was something semi-solid beneath it's foot, and from this the elephant was able to regain it's composure. Soon enough the tardis free!
______________
SNIPER hadn't seen the elephant foot coming, and when it landed on his head in order to regain it's footing he was completely unprepared.
As a result his skull had caved in, slowly the blood mixed with the paste to leave a small pink stain on the otherwise white pastey swamp. Pieces of brain matter also floated towards the top, as you'd expect being full of hot air. The chimps feasted upon it, enjoying every last bite.
"This may be of some use." He turned and walked away.
_______________
SNIPER begun to crawl out of the paste swamp. With the mysterious figure gone, surely it was his chance to escape!
He pulled himself half way out of the paste.
Suddenly he was alerted by the sound of footsteps. Heavy ones. He ducked down, back into the paste, using only a thin tube to breathe with.
The mysteious figure had returned, and with him he had brought two elephants, and a number of chimps.
He spoke in some strange tongue, and the chimps jumped to the tardis, tying ropes around it.
The other end of the ropes were tied around the elephants.
The mysterious figure gestured to the elephants and they began to pull the tardis from it's sticky home.
Just as the tardis was beginning to shift one of the elephants lost it's footing. To avoid falling into the paste completely it set it's best foot forward. Fortunately there was something semi-solid beneath it's foot, and from this the elephant was able to regain it's composure. Soon enough the tardis free!
______________
SNIPER hadn't seen the elephant foot coming, and when it landed on his head in order to regain it's footing he was completely unprepared.
As a result his skull had caved in, slowly the blood mixed with the paste to leave a small pink stain on the otherwise white pastey swamp. Pieces of brain matter also floated towards the top, as you'd expect being full of hot air. The chimps feasted upon it, enjoying every last bite.
And so the group continued further into the cave. Nobody seemed to care that they were supposed to capture Grix. He seemed to be very useful, particularly for his snake destruction skills and his magnet-proof portable computing device.
Onward they walked, past green and yellow wallpaper with flower motifs on, past A variety of furry dice suspended on elastic cords. As they walked past a yellow red and blue Beetle with its swirling colour effect, it all became too much for FM. His hands flailed at the walls for support as he retched uncontrollably.
"YUERRRRRRGH"
"That's the best colour scheme I've seen so far." commented Ant.
Just then, they heard a voice behind them
"I BET YOU THOUGHT YOU'D KILLED ME!" boomed Snake
The expression on Grix's face at that moment cannot be truly described. Suffice it to say that it had caused the wallpaper behind Snake to start to peel.
Grix let out a scream well out of the human hearing range, and charged Snake. He passed straight through him and went headfirst into the cave wall.
FM switched off the holoprojection.
"Heh, just my little joke there, Grix" he said.
Onward they walked, past green and yellow wallpaper with flower motifs on, past A variety of furry dice suspended on elastic cords. As they walked past a yellow red and blue Beetle with its swirling colour effect, it all became too much for FM. His hands flailed at the walls for support as he retched uncontrollably.
"YUERRRRRRGH"
"That's the best colour scheme I've seen so far." commented Ant.
Just then, they heard a voice behind them
"I BET YOU THOUGHT YOU'D KILLED ME!" boomed Snake
The expression on Grix's face at that moment cannot be truly described. Suffice it to say that it had caused the wallpaper behind Snake to start to peel.
Grix let out a scream well out of the human hearing range, and charged Snake. He passed straight through him and went headfirst into the cave wall.
FM switched off the holoprojection.
"Heh, just my little joke there, Grix" he said.
Completely lost the plot.
Where was I.
*Looks blankly into space*
-----
Edging their way past the blow up furniture, (Sorry SR.), the group managed to reach the heart of the cave...
Where was I.
*Looks blankly into space*
-----
Edging their way past the blow up furniture, (Sorry SR.), the group managed to reach the heart of the cave...
Page: