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Look. Don't blame me, I'm bored. If people were in here chatting away, I wouldn't have to sink to this level.
Smoke purred from Ant's mouth, drifting into the air, and pulling the life from within him out...
"You shouldn't smoke you know. It's bad for the insides."
Ant looked down at his curry. He wouldn't be suprised if the curry did more damage.
"I can't eat any more." He said. "I'm not feeling too well today."
The man took away Ant's curry, and emptied it into a bucket.
"That'll be 90 credits..." As the man looked up, Ant was no longer at his seat.
"Put it on the slate!" Ant shouted...
Ant had recieved another message. It was from command. Apparently some of the driods had broke lose, killing a few task forces on the way.
Ant got into his hovercar, just a bog standard craft, but the seats were uncomfortable. He knew this would be his last run before he could buy another.
He pulled the craft up, and out of the giant hanger, and into the open air. It was night. You could tell it was night because there were more hovercars around, it usually gets busy at night... Ant looked up at the deep smog that had settled over the city of Pembroke many years ago... not long after Pembroke was declared the new capital of the former British Isles all those years ago... before the war.
Ant remembers it as if it were about 10 years ago, so he expected the details to be a bit foggy.
Professor Miyamoto about 11 years ago invented the next generation of machinary to compete with the Overlords Playchip 3, which was in popular demand with kids...
Under the company name Nintendo, Prof. Miyamoto released the Nintendo chip into the mass market. Hundreds of people brought them, and had them implanted. Some many happy faces... so much peace in the world...
Then something, as always it seemed, went wrong. The chips started to manufuction, taking the persons will of control with it. They produced hundreds of automated psyhcotic killing machines, and Nintendo had no control over them...
The Overlord had ordered that all Nintendo products to be taking off the market, and ordered that Nintendo was shut down.
Ant pulled out of his daydream, and realised that he was heading straight for a building... He pulled up with ease. But someone behind him, who didn't anticipate his move quickly dodged to the left to avoid Ant, and hit the building that Ant was trying to avoid. The sprialling trail of the hovercars smoke reminded Ant to light his cigarette, which was just clasped unlit between his lips. Ant thought he was going insane...
Ant managed to navigate through the rest of the car maze, and ended up at the Overlords headquarters. Sony HQ.
He landed. Finding a space was easy, just land on top of any car already there. Sometimes you would find stacks of cars miles high, with the Jenga like approuch for the man with the bottom car, attempting to remove his car... There had been several "Jenga" accidents in the last few days.
Ant had left his car, climbed down the stack of cars, and entered the building. He proceeded past reception, and walked down the dark stairs. He took the second door on the left, walked around the fountain in the middle of the room to the third door, past the small wildlife display, through the small hall, under the glass bridge, and through the red double doors.
"Who are you?" Said the man inside.
"My names Ant. I'm a Blade Runner."
"Oh... you looking for the Command office. You should have taken the fourth door near the waterfall, this is the lower hall."
"Oh. Ta."
Smoke purred from Ant's mouth, drifting into the air, and pulling the life from within him out...
"You shouldn't smoke you know. It's bad for the insides."
Ant looked down at his curry. He wouldn't be suprised if the curry did more damage.
"I can't eat any more." He said. "I'm not feeling too well today."
The man took away Ant's curry, and emptied it into a bucket.
"That'll be 90 credits..." As the man looked up, Ant was no longer at his seat.
"Put it on the slate!" Ant shouted...
Ant had recieved another message. It was from command. Apparently some of the driods had broke lose, killing a few task forces on the way.
Ant got into his hovercar, just a bog standard craft, but the seats were uncomfortable. He knew this would be his last run before he could buy another.
He pulled the craft up, and out of the giant hanger, and into the open air. It was night. You could tell it was night because there were more hovercars around, it usually gets busy at night... Ant looked up at the deep smog that had settled over the city of Pembroke many years ago... not long after Pembroke was declared the new capital of the former British Isles all those years ago... before the war.
Ant remembers it as if it were about 10 years ago, so he expected the details to be a bit foggy.
Professor Miyamoto about 11 years ago invented the next generation of machinary to compete with the Overlords Playchip 3, which was in popular demand with kids...
Under the company name Nintendo, Prof. Miyamoto released the Nintendo chip into the mass market. Hundreds of people brought them, and had them implanted. Some many happy faces... so much peace in the world...
Then something, as always it seemed, went wrong. The chips started to manufuction, taking the persons will of control with it. They produced hundreds of automated psyhcotic killing machines, and Nintendo had no control over them...
The Overlord had ordered that all Nintendo products to be taking off the market, and ordered that Nintendo was shut down.
Ant pulled out of his daydream, and realised that he was heading straight for a building... He pulled up with ease. But someone behind him, who didn't anticipate his move quickly dodged to the left to avoid Ant, and hit the building that Ant was trying to avoid. The sprialling trail of the hovercars smoke reminded Ant to light his cigarette, which was just clasped unlit between his lips. Ant thought he was going insane...
Ant managed to navigate through the rest of the car maze, and ended up at the Overlords headquarters. Sony HQ.
He landed. Finding a space was easy, just land on top of any car already there. Sometimes you would find stacks of cars miles high, with the Jenga like approuch for the man with the bottom car, attempting to remove his car... There had been several "Jenga" accidents in the last few days.
Ant had left his car, climbed down the stack of cars, and entered the building. He proceeded past reception, and walked down the dark stairs. He took the second door on the left, walked around the fountain in the middle of the room to the third door, past the small wildlife display, through the small hall, under the glass bridge, and through the red double doors.
"Who are you?" Said the man inside.
"My names Ant. I'm a Blade Runner."
"Oh... you looking for the Command office. You should have taken the fourth door near the waterfall, this is the lower hall."
"Oh. Ta."
Page:
After much struggling, the gang managed to catch and tie up er-no, then set off for the Tardis.
"I hope Dan's ok in there, we left him on his own to fight whatever is in that computer world of his." said Ant
"I've always said he was off in his own little world." mused FM, as they got to the spot where the Tardis last stood. "Funny, I can't see the Tardis anywhere around here. It should have fallen this way." he pointed down to the mess of wallpaper paste below, "But it's nowhere to be seen."
"Don't worry," said pb, taking out a remote control unit, "I'll bring it back to this spot." He pressed the button and they waited for the Tardis to arrive, while er-no mumbled something rude under his breath.
--------------------
Sniper waited for the central column to fall for the last time, then opened the door and stepped into Grix's nerve centre. Just as he put one foot onto the wood flooring, the Tardis door shut, trapping his other leg. It tried to dematerialise and Sniper felt the tendons stretching in his right leg, he tried to grab onto the nearest object, a Sofabed, and hung on for dear life.
The Tardis groaned once then obviously had enough and just disappeared. Sniper yelled out as his leg went with it and he found himself minus one limb yet again. Crawling around on the floor he reached onto the desk and pulled himself up, but the cloth under his hand decided it wanted none of this 'holding on the the table' lark and slipped off, taking Sniper and half of Grix's Statues and various ornaments with it, most of which hit Sniper on various parts of his head.
"SNIPER!!!" came the yell of Grix's voice from the other room. 'How the heck did Grix always know it was him' thought Sniper as he slipped into unconciousness.
"I hope Dan's ok in there, we left him on his own to fight whatever is in that computer world of his." said Ant
"I've always said he was off in his own little world." mused FM, as they got to the spot where the Tardis last stood. "Funny, I can't see the Tardis anywhere around here. It should have fallen this way." he pointed down to the mess of wallpaper paste below, "But it's nowhere to be seen."
"Don't worry," said pb, taking out a remote control unit, "I'll bring it back to this spot." He pressed the button and they waited for the Tardis to arrive, while er-no mumbled something rude under his breath.
--------------------
Sniper waited for the central column to fall for the last time, then opened the door and stepped into Grix's nerve centre. Just as he put one foot onto the wood flooring, the Tardis door shut, trapping his other leg. It tried to dematerialise and Sniper felt the tendons stretching in his right leg, he tried to grab onto the nearest object, a Sofabed, and hung on for dear life.
The Tardis groaned once then obviously had enough and just disappeared. Sniper yelled out as his leg went with it and he found himself minus one limb yet again. Crawling around on the floor he reached onto the desk and pulled himself up, but the cloth under his hand decided it wanted none of this 'holding on the the table' lark and slipped off, taking Sniper and half of Grix's Statues and various ornaments with it, most of which hit Sniper on various parts of his head.
"SNIPER!!!" came the yell of Grix's voice from the other room. 'How the heck did Grix always know it was him' thought Sniper as he slipped into unconciousness.
FM approached his keyboard tentatively. It had been a while since he had added anything to the thread, and he had visions of continuing the story with wit and flair and a nicely constructed piece of prose, but then he realised that a lack of coffee was getting to him.
He stared at the screen in front of him wondering what to write, watching as his thoughts became font in front of his eyes, then realised that he was thinking out loud.
He finished the last sentence with a full-stop. Then he wondered what the hell he was doing. He took a quick drag on the cigarette next to him and typed about that too.
This was going no where, he thought, watching again as his fingers automatically typed his thoughts onto the screen. Should he press 'post this message'? or should he just wipe it all and leave it to someone else.
He decided to press 'post this message' anyway seeing as he had typed this much.
So he scrolled down, placed the cursor over the button, and clicked with a
Then he scrolled back up and substituted 'post this message' for each occaision that he had written 'submit', then he moved the cursor over the button, and clicked it with a
*click*
He stared at the screen in front of him wondering what to write, watching as his thoughts became font in front of his eyes, then realised that he was thinking out loud.
He finished the last sentence with a full-stop. Then he wondered what the hell he was doing. He took a quick drag on the cigarette next to him and typed about that too.
This was going no where, he thought, watching again as his fingers automatically typed his thoughts onto the screen. Should he press 'post this message'? or should he just wipe it all and leave it to someone else.
He decided to press 'post this message' anyway seeing as he had typed this much.
So he scrolled down, placed the cursor over the button, and clicked with a
Then he scrolled back up and substituted 'post this message' for each occaision that he had written 'submit', then he moved the cursor over the button, and clicked it with a
*click*
Ant was thinking "If er-no keeps firing rounds into the wall like that, he might start a - "
Suddenly, there was the ominous sound of rockfall as the cave above them gave way.
"Actually," said FM "That wasn't the sound of rockfall, it's just that I haven't eaten for eight hours now."
"We're done for" said Ant "Sooner or later he's going to get lucky and hit us. If only some extraordinarily well timed event would occur to allow us to escape."
They waited. Nothing happened.
Still nothing.
Nothing yet either.
"This isn't working" FM said.
Just then, er-no's gun clicked empty.
"Hah!" said Ant, standing up and turning on a light switch which happened to be in the cave "You've made the classic bad-guy's mistake of running out of ammo!"
"No I haven't.." replied er-no with an evil grin slowly spreading across his face "I just left one round empty."
er-no pointed the gun at Ant, let loose a short burst of evil laughter, and pulled the trigger.
Click
"Ah. Hmm..."
Click
"Damn..."
Click Click
"Oh dear. I guess perhaps I didn't just leave one round blank after all."
With this er-no dropped the gun and ran off down the cave..
Suddenly, there was the ominous sound of rockfall as the cave above them gave way.
"Actually," said FM "That wasn't the sound of rockfall, it's just that I haven't eaten for eight hours now."
"We're done for" said Ant "Sooner or later he's going to get lucky and hit us. If only some extraordinarily well timed event would occur to allow us to escape."
They waited. Nothing happened.
Still nothing.
Nothing yet either.
"This isn't working" FM said.
Just then, er-no's gun clicked empty.
"Hah!" said Ant, standing up and turning on a light switch which happened to be in the cave "You've made the classic bad-guy's mistake of running out of ammo!"
"No I haven't.." replied er-no with an evil grin slowly spreading across his face "I just left one round empty."
er-no pointed the gun at Ant, let loose a short burst of evil laughter, and pulled the trigger.
Click
"Ah. Hmm..."
Click
"Damn..."
Click Click
"Oh dear. I guess perhaps I didn't just leave one round blank after all."
With this er-no dropped the gun and ran off down the cave..
Inside the N-chip network, The Overlord (who had turned out to be Bill Gates) was furious!
"Thanks to you two" he yelled, "instead planning to take over the world for me, Grix has started to lead tours round a cave instead! Don't you see what problems you have caused my mind control machines!"
Dan_uk and Dan_2K1, still hiding under the ring climbed out, Dan_2K1 ducking as Sonic went flying over his head.
"That reminds me," he muttered and turned to face the huge fight behind him between Sega and Nintendo characters, "that's enough now, your real enemies are right here. They've tricked you into fighting each other so that those implanted with an N-chip are under The Overlords control"
They ingored him and carried on.
Dan_uk turned to face them. "You do know that The Overlord was planning to delete you all after he'd dominated the world!"
At this, they all stopped fighting and stared at Darth Sheepy and the Overlord. The Overlord laughed.
"You may have these characters helping you but that won't do much good" he pulled a remote control out of his pocket and pressed a button, "I've bought many games companies, each one supplying me with first rate characters!"
At that moment, hundreds of games characters stormed into the arean.
The Overlord did and Evil laugh.
"Darth Sheepy! Lets eliminate these two pests... Darth Sheep?!?!?"
They looked over to see Darth Sheepy strangling a worm and yelling.
"You think it's funny to blow up innocent little sheep!"
The Overlord sighed. Just when he thought he'd found a half decent henchman...
"Thanks to you two" he yelled, "instead planning to take over the world for me, Grix has started to lead tours round a cave instead! Don't you see what problems you have caused my mind control machines!"
Dan_uk and Dan_2K1, still hiding under the ring climbed out, Dan_2K1 ducking as Sonic went flying over his head.
"That reminds me," he muttered and turned to face the huge fight behind him between Sega and Nintendo characters, "that's enough now, your real enemies are right here. They've tricked you into fighting each other so that those implanted with an N-chip are under The Overlords control"
They ingored him and carried on.
Dan_uk turned to face them. "You do know that The Overlord was planning to delete you all after he'd dominated the world!"
At this, they all stopped fighting and stared at Darth Sheepy and the Overlord. The Overlord laughed.
"You may have these characters helping you but that won't do much good" he pulled a remote control out of his pocket and pressed a button, "I've bought many games companies, each one supplying me with first rate characters!"
At that moment, hundreds of games characters stormed into the arean.
The Overlord did and Evil laugh.
"Darth Sheepy! Lets eliminate these two pests... Darth Sheep?!?!?"
They looked over to see Darth Sheepy strangling a worm and yelling.
"You think it's funny to blow up innocent little sheep!"
The Overlord sighed. Just when he thought he'd found a half decent henchman...
er-no blew out the flame.
Darkness consumed the room...
"Where are you..." Ant stepped back a few paces... and walked into someone. "Bah! Who's that!"
"It's only me, Fantasymeister..."
*BANG*
A gun shot.
"Crap!"
"Did that hit anyone?" Shouted er-no.
"...Yes. You killed us all."
"Well that was easy... HEY! You aren't lying are you? I bet you're lying!"
*BANG*
Another gun shot.
Fantasymeister whispered in pbs ear... "Shout really loudly, and keep shouting."
pb did so, without really knowing why.
"ARGHHHH! TOOTHPASTE CADBURYS AARDVARK CATFISH CHEESE DIP CONCATENATE HAIRLOCKS..."
FM huddled the rest into a group.
"Everyone drop down the the ground, and start rolling across the floor."
"JETLAG FRIENDLY CHARACTER WASTE EXCITING NIPPLE SYNDROME!"
pb stopped to laugh at his sentance... and as he did so, he was pulled down towards the floor.
*BANG*
er-no fired more shots in their direction... Ant would have swore that one of them hit the floor next to him.
The mongoose however, had it's own problems. Because of the large size of it's antlers, rolling was something that nature had not designed it to do.
The mongoose decided to slowly pull itself along with its arms... but after a while decided that holding onto pb would be a lot easier.
er-no continued to fire around him... shooting at all the loose rocks in the cave...
Darkness consumed the room...
"Where are you..." Ant stepped back a few paces... and walked into someone. "Bah! Who's that!"
"It's only me, Fantasymeister..."
*BANG*
A gun shot.
"Crap!"
"Did that hit anyone?" Shouted er-no.
"...Yes. You killed us all."
"Well that was easy... HEY! You aren't lying are you? I bet you're lying!"
*BANG*
Another gun shot.
Fantasymeister whispered in pbs ear... "Shout really loudly, and keep shouting."
pb did so, without really knowing why.
"ARGHHHH! TOOTHPASTE CADBURYS AARDVARK CATFISH CHEESE DIP CONCATENATE HAIRLOCKS..."
FM huddled the rest into a group.
"Everyone drop down the the ground, and start rolling across the floor."
"JETLAG FRIENDLY CHARACTER WASTE EXCITING NIPPLE SYNDROME!"
pb stopped to laugh at his sentance... and as he did so, he was pulled down towards the floor.
*BANG*
er-no fired more shots in their direction... Ant would have swore that one of them hit the floor next to him.
The mongoose however, had it's own problems. Because of the large size of it's antlers, rolling was something that nature had not designed it to do.
The mongoose decided to slowly pull itself along with its arms... but after a while decided that holding onto pb would be a lot easier.
er-no continued to fire around him... shooting at all the loose rocks in the cave...
The posse creeped throught the trap door. It shut behind them, leaving them in pitch black.
There was a rustling noise to their left.
"MONGOOSE MAN, MONGOOSE MAN, DOES EVERYTHING A MONGOOSE CAN!!" Mongoose Man shouted out.
"Shhh!"
Another rustling noise was heard, and then a candle was lit.
It was er-no.
He put his face right up to the flame, and in his best French voice, shouted, "I HAVE COME TO KILL YOU!!"
*Ant mumbled obscenities under his breath*
There was a rustling noise to their left.
"MONGOOSE MAN, MONGOOSE MAN, DOES EVERYTHING A MONGOOSE CAN!!" Mongoose Man shouted out.
"Shhh!"
Another rustling noise was heard, and then a candle was lit.
It was er-no.
He put his face right up to the flame, and in his best French voice, shouted, "I HAVE COME TO KILL YOU!!"
*Ant mumbled obscenities under his breath*
Back in the swamp, Sniper changed tactics yet again. The swamp was becoming like a second home to him, he felt safe and warm in it, nothing could harm him there.
He tried the Tardis door again. It wouldn't budge, so he fished in his pockets for a piece of wire, tangled it into a vaugely key-shaped object and twiddled it about a bit in the lock. The door still wouldn't budge. Sniper stopped to have a rest and as he leant against the Tardis he fell straight through. The monkeys laughed.
"Right!" He said, determined to get his own back, and set the controls to take him back to Grix's lair.
-------------------------
"I wish Grix would stop joining us and go away. How are we supposed to concentrate when the guy we are after keeps sneaking up on us and saying 'onward' all the time, then running off. It's very off-putting." said Ant as he finished downloading the data from his own PDA to FMs to replace the missing files. "and I have no idea why you followed those instructions on the virus either."
The gang got up from where they were sitting, which was mainly the broken rocks that came down from the roof when Sn@ke3 hit it. They started pulling up other rocks in the search for er-no, but he appeared to have vanished.
"Probably gone down that trapdoor over there." said pb, pointing to a wide open door that looked about as inviting as Anne Widdicombe in a bikini. "I suppose we'd better follow him. You'd better bring Mongoose man too, he may be useful, well, more useful than he has been so far anyway."
Author's Note: Nothing interesting happens in this episode, but you gotta set the scene, haven't you?!
He tried the Tardis door again. It wouldn't budge, so he fished in his pockets for a piece of wire, tangled it into a vaugely key-shaped object and twiddled it about a bit in the lock. The door still wouldn't budge. Sniper stopped to have a rest and as he leant against the Tardis he fell straight through. The monkeys laughed.
"Right!" He said, determined to get his own back, and set the controls to take him back to Grix's lair.
-------------------------
"I wish Grix would stop joining us and go away. How are we supposed to concentrate when the guy we are after keeps sneaking up on us and saying 'onward' all the time, then running off. It's very off-putting." said Ant as he finished downloading the data from his own PDA to FMs to replace the missing files. "and I have no idea why you followed those instructions on the virus either."
The gang got up from where they were sitting, which was mainly the broken rocks that came down from the roof when Sn@ke3 hit it. They started pulling up other rocks in the search for er-no, but he appeared to have vanished.
"Probably gone down that trapdoor over there." said pb, pointing to a wide open door that looked about as inviting as Anne Widdicombe in a bikini. "I suppose we'd better follow him. You'd better bring Mongoose man too, he may be useful, well, more useful than he has been so far anyway."
Author's Note: Nothing interesting happens in this episode, but you gotta set the scene, haven't you?!
While the crew were busy deciding whether or not to follow the viruses instructions or not, Snake made his move.
Creeping up behind them, he slowly took his gun from his side, and raised it in line with FM's head...
He stood still, ready to take a shot... when suddenly the floor began to shake.
A wall of stone, on which Snake was standing, rised up and slammed into the ceiling.
"Wha...!" FM ran towards the wall, their exit seemingly trapped off...
"It doesn't matter..." Said Ant, while the others tried to find a crack in the wall, "I'm sure if we just head the way we were going we'll find something."
"Onwards!" Grix held his laptop high, and ran into the distance.
Creeping up behind them, he slowly took his gun from his side, and raised it in line with FM's head...
He stood still, ready to take a shot... when suddenly the floor began to shake.
A wall of stone, on which Snake was standing, rised up and slammed into the ceiling.
"Wha...!" FM ran towards the wall, their exit seemingly trapped off...
"It doesn't matter..." Said Ant, while the others tried to find a crack in the wall, "I'm sure if we just head the way we were going we'll find something."
"Onwards!" Grix held his laptop high, and ran into the distance.
Grix's magnet proof partable computer bleeped loudly. He had mail.
"Damn, I've just got a virus" he said. FM looked at the email on the screen
DEAR RECEIVER,
You have just received an Albanian virus. Since we are not so technologically advanced in Albania, this is a MANUAL virus. Please delete all the files on your hard disk yourself and send this mail to everyone you know.
Thank you very much for collaboration.
"Damn, I've just got a virus" he said. FM looked at the email on the screen
DEAR RECEIVER,
You have just received an Albanian virus. Since we are not so technologically advanced in Albania, this is a MANUAL virus. Please delete all the files on your hard disk yourself and send this mail to everyone you know.
Thank you very much for collaboration.
***NEWSFLASH***
On a final note today, Bill Gates' head was taken out of retirement today, to attend a talk about the new Windows software, soon to be released.
Apart from making you cornflakes in the morning, the software has the ability to guard your home, and shoot anyone trying to enter... yes ladies, even that sad git you dumped who still refuses to hand back the key...
Typically though, the new software is told to be a large advance on last years addition. And although I personnaly don't think there is any difference between this and Windows 95, I suspect that themkfdlskfdsfsdg-
***WE ARE HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY***
***MESSAGE ENDS***
On a final note today, Bill Gates' head was taken out of retirement today, to attend a talk about the new Windows software, soon to be released.
Apart from making you cornflakes in the morning, the software has the ability to guard your home, and shoot anyone trying to enter... yes ladies, even that sad git you dumped who still refuses to hand back the key...
Typically though, the new software is told to be a large advance on last years addition. And although I personnaly don't think there is any difference between this and Windows 95, I suspect that themkfdlskfdsfsdg-
***WE ARE HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY***
***MESSAGE ENDS***
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