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Recently I've had several things on my mind that are for want of a better way of putting things 'getting me down'. I'm scared of Death, of Dying. I never used to be, and I don't know when the fear of dying started to niggle away in the back of mind, but I get the feeling that it was about the same time that I realised that I don't know if there is a god.
I used to know that there was a god. I used to be able to feel him, I think. But looking back now, I wonder if it was all my head. I can't feel anything spiritual anymore, the only thing that makes sense to me now is science. But science can't give me eternal life, and even if it could I wouldn't want the sort of eternal life that it could give me, a life in this world, where people are driven by selfishness.
I am going to die. That much is certain. Every human is going to die. The fact that billions of humans have died before me brings me no comfort at all. I don't want to stop existing. If I stop existing then what is the point of this life. What on earth am I doing on earth.
And there is something wrong with me above just the fear of death. Its a huge empathy with the world. Most people love the snow. It means a day of work or school, when you can throw snowballs at each other and make snowmen. Snow makes me cry. I think of all the homeless people, and how cols they must be, and how many of them will die because of the snow that everyone is taking such delight in. I feel guilty, I'm snuggled up in my warm house, safe. But equally I'm too scared to do anything to help, above giveing a little money. I'm too scared that If I reach out to help people I will end up getting hurt or killed by some madman.
It's getting worse, I cry most days now.
I don't like leaving my house on my own. I get to work okay each day, but If I have to make an unexpected detour somewhere and I find myself among many people I suddenly feel small and dizzy as If I've shrunk and all the people are towering around me. I don't know how to behave. should I look at people as I pass them or put my head down in shame. If someone speaks to me then I shrink away and my heart races.
In the end what difference does it make if I care, If I work, If I help people. In the end we all die. If not in the coming war, then eventually, and all that we have lived for doesn't matter anymore.
I've been told that its depression. It isn't. Its realism. How can I feel any other way when the world is the way that it is? How can you tell me that I am WRONG to feel this way. It the fools who delude themselves that this life means anything that are wrong.
I used to know that there was a god. I used to be able to feel him, I think. But looking back now, I wonder if it was all my head. I can't feel anything spiritual anymore, the only thing that makes sense to me now is science. But science can't give me eternal life, and even if it could I wouldn't want the sort of eternal life that it could give me, a life in this world, where people are driven by selfishness.
I am going to die. That much is certain. Every human is going to die. The fact that billions of humans have died before me brings me no comfort at all. I don't want to stop existing. If I stop existing then what is the point of this life. What on earth am I doing on earth.
And there is something wrong with me above just the fear of death. Its a huge empathy with the world. Most people love the snow. It means a day of work or school, when you can throw snowballs at each other and make snowmen. Snow makes me cry. I think of all the homeless people, and how cols they must be, and how many of them will die because of the snow that everyone is taking such delight in. I feel guilty, I'm snuggled up in my warm house, safe. But equally I'm too scared to do anything to help, above giveing a little money. I'm too scared that If I reach out to help people I will end up getting hurt or killed by some madman.
It's getting worse, I cry most days now.
I don't like leaving my house on my own. I get to work okay each day, but If I have to make an unexpected detour somewhere and I find myself among many people I suddenly feel small and dizzy as If I've shrunk and all the people are towering around me. I don't know how to behave. should I look at people as I pass them or put my head down in shame. If someone speaks to me then I shrink away and my heart races.
In the end what difference does it make if I care, If I work, If I help people. In the end we all die. If not in the coming war, then eventually, and all that we have lived for doesn't matter anymore.
I've been told that its depression. It isn't. Its realism. How can I feel any other way when the world is the way that it is? How can you tell me that I am WRONG to feel this way. It the fools who delude themselves that this life means anything that are wrong.
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Why would anyone want to live forever? As I've said before, Heaven may be listed as the ultimate paradise, but even paradise gets boring after a hundred years or so.
Rosalind wrote:
> Unfortunatly around the age of 100 the incidence of Altizehimers
> increases to nearly 100%. Your brain, just like your body, cannot go
> on for ever.
I'm going to complain to my MP then.
> Unfortunatly around the age of 100 the incidence of Altizehimers
> increases to nearly 100%. Your brain, just like your body, cannot go
> on for ever.
I'm going to complain to my MP then.
I can't speak for your loss of spritual belief but mentally and emotionally you sound like you are losing control. It does sound like depression but you need to speak to a professional about this in more depth not the forum.
If you are crying most days now it will leave you physically and mentally drained and make the fact that you are having difficulty coping even worse.
Also, caring and helping people who are in a worse position than yourself makes a difference and matters a great deal to the people you help and those whose lives you touch. If nobody cared about anything or anyone than it would indeed be a sad day.
Yes, from what you described it is realism but you have to find a way to cope.
Life is only depressing if you let it be, if you let all the small things get on top of you then they will escalate until they seem like big major problems.
I am not a professional in anyway but I hope you learn to cope and enjoy your life soon.
If you are crying most days now it will leave you physically and mentally drained and make the fact that you are having difficulty coping even worse.
Also, caring and helping people who are in a worse position than yourself makes a difference and matters a great deal to the people you help and those whose lives you touch. If nobody cared about anything or anyone than it would indeed be a sad day.
Yes, from what you described it is realism but you have to find a way to cope.
Life is only depressing if you let it be, if you let all the small things get on top of you then they will escalate until they seem like big major problems.
I am not a professional in anyway but I hope you learn to cope and enjoy your life soon.
Unfortunatly around the age of 100 the incidence of Altizehimers increases to nearly 100%. Your brain, just like your body, cannot go on for ever.
Insane Bartender wrote:
> impossible.
Perhaps, though maybe I could undertake a brain transplant as the host would be willing. ie me.
I've only got a small blob of grey matter anyway.
> impossible.
Perhaps, though maybe I could undertake a brain transplant as the host would be willing. ie me.
I've only got a small blob of grey matter anyway.
Rosalind wrote:
> This was a long post.
You obviously havent read Dringo ranting on for 13,000 chracters about nintendos marketing strategy.
:¬)
> This was a long post.
You obviously havent read Dringo ranting on for 13,000 chracters about nintendos marketing strategy.
:¬)
Living forver would indeed be hard and painful. But I would like to live for a long time just to see whether the world would change in some way. And to see whether people would change.
Although, in a way, I think it would be selfish - and I don't have a good enough reason to back that up - selfish to 'someone', but not quite sure who.
Although, in a way, I think it would be selfish - and I don't have a good enough reason to back that up - selfish to 'someone', but not quite sure who.
This was a long post. Thankyou all for taking the time to read it and reply.
I think if you were to live forever you would need to be a tough person, i have no doubt that the future will hold some unwholesome surprises.
All you have to do is take the enzyme that prevents DNA in the testicles being shortened and inject it into all of the other tissues.
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