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Recently I've had several things on my mind that are for want of a better way of putting things 'getting me down'. I'm scared of Death, of Dying. I never used to be, and I don't know when the fear of dying started to niggle away in the back of mind, but I get the feeling that it was about the same time that I realised that I don't know if there is a god.
I used to know that there was a god. I used to be able to feel him, I think. But looking back now, I wonder if it was all my head. I can't feel anything spiritual anymore, the only thing that makes sense to me now is science. But science can't give me eternal life, and even if it could I wouldn't want the sort of eternal life that it could give me, a life in this world, where people are driven by selfishness.
I am going to die. That much is certain. Every human is going to die. The fact that billions of humans have died before me brings me no comfort at all. I don't want to stop existing. If I stop existing then what is the point of this life. What on earth am I doing on earth.
And there is something wrong with me above just the fear of death. Its a huge empathy with the world. Most people love the snow. It means a day of work or school, when you can throw snowballs at each other and make snowmen. Snow makes me cry. I think of all the homeless people, and how cols they must be, and how many of them will die because of the snow that everyone is taking such delight in. I feel guilty, I'm snuggled up in my warm house, safe. But equally I'm too scared to do anything to help, above giveing a little money. I'm too scared that If I reach out to help people I will end up getting hurt or killed by some madman.
It's getting worse, I cry most days now.
I don't like leaving my house on my own. I get to work okay each day, but If I have to make an unexpected detour somewhere and I find myself among many people I suddenly feel small and dizzy as If I've shrunk and all the people are towering around me. I don't know how to behave. should I look at people as I pass them or put my head down in shame. If someone speaks to me then I shrink away and my heart races.
In the end what difference does it make if I care, If I work, If I help people. In the end we all die. If not in the coming war, then eventually, and all that we have lived for doesn't matter anymore.
I've been told that its depression. It isn't. Its realism. How can I feel any other way when the world is the way that it is? How can you tell me that I am WRONG to feel this way. It the fools who delude themselves that this life means anything that are wrong.
I used to know that there was a god. I used to be able to feel him, I think. But looking back now, I wonder if it was all my head. I can't feel anything spiritual anymore, the only thing that makes sense to me now is science. But science can't give me eternal life, and even if it could I wouldn't want the sort of eternal life that it could give me, a life in this world, where people are driven by selfishness.
I am going to die. That much is certain. Every human is going to die. The fact that billions of humans have died before me brings me no comfort at all. I don't want to stop existing. If I stop existing then what is the point of this life. What on earth am I doing on earth.
And there is something wrong with me above just the fear of death. Its a huge empathy with the world. Most people love the snow. It means a day of work or school, when you can throw snowballs at each other and make snowmen. Snow makes me cry. I think of all the homeless people, and how cols they must be, and how many of them will die because of the snow that everyone is taking such delight in. I feel guilty, I'm snuggled up in my warm house, safe. But equally I'm too scared to do anything to help, above giveing a little money. I'm too scared that If I reach out to help people I will end up getting hurt or killed by some madman.
It's getting worse, I cry most days now.
I don't like leaving my house on my own. I get to work okay each day, but If I have to make an unexpected detour somewhere and I find myself among many people I suddenly feel small and dizzy as If I've shrunk and all the people are towering around me. I don't know how to behave. should I look at people as I pass them or put my head down in shame. If someone speaks to me then I shrink away and my heart races.
In the end what difference does it make if I care, If I work, If I help people. In the end we all die. If not in the coming war, then eventually, and all that we have lived for doesn't matter anymore.
I've been told that its depression. It isn't. Its realism. How can I feel any other way when the world is the way that it is? How can you tell me that I am WRONG to feel this way. It the fools who delude themselves that this life means anything that are wrong.
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I am not a Buddhist, nor a Hindu, but I would really like to believe in their beliefs.
The Hindu's belief, is, quite famously, reincarnation.
Christians believe that life is a straight line.
Life -----------> Death
But Hindu's believe it goes in a cycle.
Unfortunately, due to the restrictions of characters on my keyboard, I can't quite draw it.
But it's much like the smoke trail of a spiralling firework while it moves, kinda.
And inbetween each swirl is "re-birth"
Depending on how you've lived your, as Ros says, original life, then that is how what you come back as is decided - Karma.
Do good things in life, and you'll move up the "chain".
Do bad, and well, you'll go down.
It's believed by some (can't remember which religion this is, too many, argh!) that you are reborn time and time again, and you will never stop until your Karma is completely clean.
Or you discover the meaning of life, or something along those lines.
OK, the Christian belief would be great, and eternal paradise, no worries, no cares, you pure bliss.
But, like IB said, even Paradise will become boring.
The Hindu's belief, is, quite famously, reincarnation.
Christians believe that life is a straight line.
Life -----------> Death
But Hindu's believe it goes in a cycle.
Unfortunately, due to the restrictions of characters on my keyboard, I can't quite draw it.
But it's much like the smoke trail of a spiralling firework while it moves, kinda.
And inbetween each swirl is "re-birth"
Depending on how you've lived your, as Ros says, original life, then that is how what you come back as is decided - Karma.
Do good things in life, and you'll move up the "chain".
Do bad, and well, you'll go down.
It's believed by some (can't remember which religion this is, too many, argh!) that you are reborn time and time again, and you will never stop until your Karma is completely clean.
Or you discover the meaning of life, or something along those lines.
OK, the Christian belief would be great, and eternal paradise, no worries, no cares, you pure bliss.
But, like IB said, even Paradise will become boring.
I believe there is an afterlife, and I also believe everyone has a destiny. Some do not fulfill it, but it is always there to fulfill because we were put here for a reason, it wasn't just a lucky coincidence that life was created the way it was, it was for a purpose.
There must be an afterlife, what would be the point of an original life (What we have right now) if there wasn't. I for one, believe, that our life here, teaches us th things we must know for surviving in the paradise. Or something like that.
Frankly, I don't care about my death, I won't miss anything. But, the death that I fear is that of the people whom I cherish, my family, the great friends I have, and the like. If every one of them was to disappear into nothingness, I couldn't cope, I'd have to take my life also. Think about it, does it really matter about OUR death? No. Only to others. I wouldn't want to make those who I love sad either, they don't deserve misery just because I am no longer around.
But, I do believe that no matter what, I should make SOME kind of impact, even if it's less than a "pin-****k" on how the world operates. Then I will have no regrets when I am lying on my deathbed. Even just a having family, I will know that I haver contributed to this earth, by making others happy.
*Cries*
Frankly, I don't care about my death, I won't miss anything. But, the death that I fear is that of the people whom I cherish, my family, the great friends I have, and the like. If every one of them was to disappear into nothingness, I couldn't cope, I'd have to take my life also. Think about it, does it really matter about OUR death? No. Only to others. I wouldn't want to make those who I love sad either, they don't deserve misery just because I am no longer around.
But, I do believe that no matter what, I should make SOME kind of impact, even if it's less than a "pin-****k" on how the world operates. Then I will have no regrets when I am lying on my deathbed. Even just a having family, I will know that I haver contributed to this earth, by making others happy.
*Cries*
I have always been aware of death, ever since I was 13. I think we watched a video on the Holocaust, and during that lesson I suddenly wooried that one day i would die - I would just end in a split-second. I wouldn't know that I was dead, not unless there is life after death. I would affect everyone around me. I wouldn't neccesarily know when I was to die, either.
The most disturbing thing for me was the fact that i would just drop out of this world, like an un-noticed stone pulled out to sea with the tide. That is one of the main reasons that i want to achieve something in my lifetime - so that my stone is missed.
The most disturbing thing for me was the fact that i would just drop out of this world, like an un-noticed stone pulled out to sea with the tide. That is one of the main reasons that i want to achieve something in my lifetime - so that my stone is missed.
Rosalind said:
"I've been told that its depression. It isn't. Its realism."
I've heard that before.
This week I'm getting myself into therapy. It's probably the best thing I can do... and well, if I don't need it, I'll be fine, and if I do need it, well it can't hurt.
Just don't be alone... lonelyness is so easy to fall into, and so hard to get out of. Don't rely on singular things to make you happy... and... go outside sometime, and dig a hole.
"I've been told that its depression. It isn't. Its realism."
I've heard that before.
This week I'm getting myself into therapy. It's probably the best thing I can do... and well, if I don't need it, I'll be fine, and if I do need it, well it can't hurt.
Just don't be alone... lonelyness is so easy to fall into, and so hard to get out of. Don't rely on singular things to make you happy... and... go outside sometime, and dig a hole.
Cormega once said
"life is the interlude to death"
I think he was trying to be profound.
"life is the interlude to death"
I think he was trying to be profound.
"I don't know if you get man, but when you die that's it!"
"Yup, they stick you in a box, cover you up with dirt, and don't even let you out of it for weekends. It's real depressing."
"Yup, they stick you in a box, cover you up with dirt, and don't even let you out of it for weekends. It's real depressing."
gerrid wrote:
> the sagacious one.
The sagacious one wrote:
> the Sagacious one
strange how niether of us got the capitals in your name right.
> the sagacious one.
The sagacious one wrote:
> the Sagacious one
strange how niether of us got the capitals in your name right.
pb wrote:
> And yet people have fun, live full lives, die old. Whatever goes on
> in the background, life goes on in front of you and, yes, it does have
> its ups and downs, but if you just look at the downs then you are
> bound to feel depressed and it's never good to get one side of the
> story...
Hey, I agree. My philosophy is 'inject life with magic'. Reality can be grim, but there's so much wondrous stuff to celebrate.
> And yet people have fun, live full lives, die old. Whatever goes on
> in the background, life goes on in front of you and, yes, it does have
> its ups and downs, but if you just look at the downs then you are
> bound to feel depressed and it's never good to get one side of the
> story...
Hey, I agree. My philosophy is 'inject life with magic'. Reality can be grim, but there's so much wondrous stuff to celebrate.
Nomad $oul wrote:
> The world has always been a dangerous place - whether disease, war,
> social/political unrest. It's depressing that, on this score, nothing
> really changes.
And yet people have fun, live full lives, die old. Whatever goes on in the background, life goes on in front of you and, yes, it does have its ups and downs, but if you just look at the downs then you are bound to feel depressed and it's never good to get one side of the story...
> The world has always been a dangerous place - whether disease, war,
> social/political unrest. It's depressing that, on this score, nothing
> really changes.
And yet people have fun, live full lives, die old. Whatever goes on in the background, life goes on in front of you and, yes, it does have its ups and downs, but if you just look at the downs then you are bound to feel depressed and it's never good to get one side of the story...
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