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Recently I've had several things on my mind that are for want of a better way of putting things 'getting me down'. I'm scared of Death, of Dying. I never used to be, and I don't know when the fear of dying started to niggle away in the back of mind, but I get the feeling that it was about the same time that I realised that I don't know if there is a god.
I used to know that there was a god. I used to be able to feel him, I think. But looking back now, I wonder if it was all my head. I can't feel anything spiritual anymore, the only thing that makes sense to me now is science. But science can't give me eternal life, and even if it could I wouldn't want the sort of eternal life that it could give me, a life in this world, where people are driven by selfishness.
I am going to die. That much is certain. Every human is going to die. The fact that billions of humans have died before me brings me no comfort at all. I don't want to stop existing. If I stop existing then what is the point of this life. What on earth am I doing on earth.
And there is something wrong with me above just the fear of death. Its a huge empathy with the world. Most people love the snow. It means a day of work or school, when you can throw snowballs at each other and make snowmen. Snow makes me cry. I think of all the homeless people, and how cols they must be, and how many of them will die because of the snow that everyone is taking such delight in. I feel guilty, I'm snuggled up in my warm house, safe. But equally I'm too scared to do anything to help, above giveing a little money. I'm too scared that If I reach out to help people I will end up getting hurt or killed by some madman.
It's getting worse, I cry most days now.
I don't like leaving my house on my own. I get to work okay each day, but If I have to make an unexpected detour somewhere and I find myself among many people I suddenly feel small and dizzy as If I've shrunk and all the people are towering around me. I don't know how to behave. should I look at people as I pass them or put my head down in shame. If someone speaks to me then I shrink away and my heart races.
In the end what difference does it make if I care, If I work, If I help people. In the end we all die. If not in the coming war, then eventually, and all that we have lived for doesn't matter anymore.
I've been told that its depression. It isn't. Its realism. How can I feel any other way when the world is the way that it is? How can you tell me that I am WRONG to feel this way. It the fools who delude themselves that this life means anything that are wrong.
I used to know that there was a god. I used to be able to feel him, I think. But looking back now, I wonder if it was all my head. I can't feel anything spiritual anymore, the only thing that makes sense to me now is science. But science can't give me eternal life, and even if it could I wouldn't want the sort of eternal life that it could give me, a life in this world, where people are driven by selfishness.
I am going to die. That much is certain. Every human is going to die. The fact that billions of humans have died before me brings me no comfort at all. I don't want to stop existing. If I stop existing then what is the point of this life. What on earth am I doing on earth.
And there is something wrong with me above just the fear of death. Its a huge empathy with the world. Most people love the snow. It means a day of work or school, when you can throw snowballs at each other and make snowmen. Snow makes me cry. I think of all the homeless people, and how cols they must be, and how many of them will die because of the snow that everyone is taking such delight in. I feel guilty, I'm snuggled up in my warm house, safe. But equally I'm too scared to do anything to help, above giveing a little money. I'm too scared that If I reach out to help people I will end up getting hurt or killed by some madman.
It's getting worse, I cry most days now.
I don't like leaving my house on my own. I get to work okay each day, but If I have to make an unexpected detour somewhere and I find myself among many people I suddenly feel small and dizzy as If I've shrunk and all the people are towering around me. I don't know how to behave. should I look at people as I pass them or put my head down in shame. If someone speaks to me then I shrink away and my heart races.
In the end what difference does it make if I care, If I work, If I help people. In the end we all die. If not in the coming war, then eventually, and all that we have lived for doesn't matter anymore.
I've been told that its depression. It isn't. Its realism. How can I feel any other way when the world is the way that it is? How can you tell me that I am WRONG to feel this way. It the fools who delude themselves that this life means anything that are wrong.
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Recently I've had several things on my mind that are for want of a better way of putting things 'getting me down'. I'm scared of Death, of Dying. I never used to be, and I don't know when the fear of dying started to niggle away in the back of mind, but I get the feeling that it was about the same time that I realised that I don't know if there is a god.
I used to know that there was a god. I used to be able to feel him, I think. But looking back now, I wonder if it was all my head. I can't feel anything spiritual anymore, the only thing that makes sense to me now is science. But science can't give me eternal life, and even if it could I wouldn't want the sort of eternal life that it could give me, a life in this world, where people are driven by selfishness.
I am going to die. That much is certain. Every human is going to die. The fact that billions of humans have died before me brings me no comfort at all. I don't want to stop existing. If I stop existing then what is the point of this life. What on earth am I doing on earth.
And there is something wrong with me above just the fear of death. Its a huge empathy with the world. Most people love the snow. It means a day of work or school, when you can throw snowballs at each other and make snowmen. Snow makes me cry. I think of all the homeless people, and how cols they must be, and how many of them will die because of the snow that everyone is taking such delight in. I feel guilty, I'm snuggled up in my warm house, safe. But equally I'm too scared to do anything to help, above giveing a little money. I'm too scared that If I reach out to help people I will end up getting hurt or killed by some madman.
It's getting worse, I cry most days now.
I don't like leaving my house on my own. I get to work okay each day, but If I have to make an unexpected detour somewhere and I find myself among many people I suddenly feel small and dizzy as If I've shrunk and all the people are towering around me. I don't know how to behave. should I look at people as I pass them or put my head down in shame. If someone speaks to me then I shrink away and my heart races.
In the end what difference does it make if I care, If I work, If I help people. In the end we all die. If not in the coming war, then eventually, and all that we have lived for doesn't matter anymore.
I've been told that its depression. It isn't. Its realism. How can I feel any other way when the world is the way that it is? How can you tell me that I am WRONG to feel this way. It the fools who delude themselves that this life means anything that are wrong.
I used to know that there was a god. I used to be able to feel him, I think. But looking back now, I wonder if it was all my head. I can't feel anything spiritual anymore, the only thing that makes sense to me now is science. But science can't give me eternal life, and even if it could I wouldn't want the sort of eternal life that it could give me, a life in this world, where people are driven by selfishness.
I am going to die. That much is certain. Every human is going to die. The fact that billions of humans have died before me brings me no comfort at all. I don't want to stop existing. If I stop existing then what is the point of this life. What on earth am I doing on earth.
And there is something wrong with me above just the fear of death. Its a huge empathy with the world. Most people love the snow. It means a day of work or school, when you can throw snowballs at each other and make snowmen. Snow makes me cry. I think of all the homeless people, and how cols they must be, and how many of them will die because of the snow that everyone is taking such delight in. I feel guilty, I'm snuggled up in my warm house, safe. But equally I'm too scared to do anything to help, above giveing a little money. I'm too scared that If I reach out to help people I will end up getting hurt or killed by some madman.
It's getting worse, I cry most days now.
I don't like leaving my house on my own. I get to work okay each day, but If I have to make an unexpected detour somewhere and I find myself among many people I suddenly feel small and dizzy as If I've shrunk and all the people are towering around me. I don't know how to behave. should I look at people as I pass them or put my head down in shame. If someone speaks to me then I shrink away and my heart races.
In the end what difference does it make if I care, If I work, If I help people. In the end we all die. If not in the coming war, then eventually, and all that we have lived for doesn't matter anymore.
I've been told that its depression. It isn't. Its realism. How can I feel any other way when the world is the way that it is? How can you tell me that I am WRONG to feel this way. It the fools who delude themselves that this life means anything that are wrong.
I also fear death. Have for years. Just the whole fact that it ends and thats it makes me scared.
to be honest I doubt there are many who don't fear it.
It has changed the way I live though. Life is too short for most. Take the chances you get when you get them and don't mess yourself around in some hope that it might come round again.
Live your life.
Thats the whole point for me. If you have the ability to be something great then become it, do your thing or if you would rather just be part of the crowd then do that but don't think that there is no point to it all and that you should just stop and wait for your final call.
Feeling guilty about others is normal. Most get a small guilt when they see homeless folk, the fact you cry probably shows you care a bit more than most but to me that is something to be proud of not guilty for. Remember you didn't put them there and your job is actually one that helps people - there is no point for you to feel any guilt about it.
Think of the things that since you were a kid you always dreamed of doing. All the things you would think it would be cool to do, places to see etc and plan on actually doing some of them.
:-)
to be honest I doubt there are many who don't fear it.
It has changed the way I live though. Life is too short for most. Take the chances you get when you get them and don't mess yourself around in some hope that it might come round again.
Live your life.
Thats the whole point for me. If you have the ability to be something great then become it, do your thing or if you would rather just be part of the crowd then do that but don't think that there is no point to it all and that you should just stop and wait for your final call.
Feeling guilty about others is normal. Most get a small guilt when they see homeless folk, the fact you cry probably shows you care a bit more than most but to me that is something to be proud of not guilty for. Remember you didn't put them there and your job is actually one that helps people - there is no point for you to feel any guilt about it.
Think of the things that since you were a kid you always dreamed of doing. All the things you would think it would be cool to do, places to see etc and plan on actually doing some of them.
:-)
Rosalind wrote:
> Its a huge empathy with the world.
Please don't ever change and become hard-hearted and cynical. If everyone genuinely had empathy and compassion for the suffering of others, no one would ever be capable of committing ill deeds.
And on death and life and meaning [or the lack of it] - everybody spends their short lives trying to make sense of it all.... but nothing really can be said. It's just the way it is and where we find ourselves - on a rock in a vast universe always asking the question 'why' but never getting an answer.
> Its a huge empathy with the world.
Please don't ever change and become hard-hearted and cynical. If everyone genuinely had empathy and compassion for the suffering of others, no one would ever be capable of committing ill deeds.
And on death and life and meaning [or the lack of it] - everybody spends their short lives trying to make sense of it all.... but nothing really can be said. It's just the way it is and where we find ourselves - on a rock in a vast universe always asking the question 'why' but never getting an answer.
Yay! Join the "We don't fancy death much but what the hell are we supposed to do in the meantime?" club.
Here's some snippets from wise people (who are all now dead or soon will be):
"You're only here once so make the most of it."
"In 200 year's time, who's going to care?"
"Make hay while the sun shines."
and a classic soliloquy:
How full is your life?
______________________
A philosophy professor stood before his class. He picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner,your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."
But then a student took the jar that the other students and the professor had agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a can of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.
The moral of this tale is: That no matter how full your life is, there
is always room for BEER.
_______________________
Therefore, life is a jar of Hellman's, but gets better with beer.
Here's some snippets from wise people (who are all now dead or soon will be):
"You're only here once so make the most of it."
"In 200 year's time, who's going to care?"
"Make hay while the sun shines."
and a classic soliloquy:
How full is your life?
______________________
A philosophy professor stood before his class. He picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner,your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."
But then a student took the jar that the other students and the professor had agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a can of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.
The moral of this tale is: That no matter how full your life is, there
is always room for BEER.
_______________________
Therefore, life is a jar of Hellman's, but gets better with beer.
I think you and I have suffered similar problems through opposing circumstances. While for you, your empathy is largely a cause for distress, for me, complete apathy led me to the same conclusions:
What's the point?
The answer is, I don't know. But I'm going to find out. And I know that I won't find any answers by waiting for them to appear. In order to find an answer, you must first seek it.
At the end of the day, there may be no true answer, and so, to any given person, life is merely a few decades in which to sate yourself as much as you can, a conclusion the vast majority of people believe in, consciously or otherwise, which has led to the world being largely dominated by selfish motivations.
But then, the majority of people like modern pop music, so they are not necesarilly correct. Eventually, each person will have their own answer, but in a world where every creature has evolved to take a particular role in nature, it is difficult to believe that natures most advanced creation exists for no reason at all.
I know that reading replies on an internet chat forum isn't going to make you feel any better about all of this. Essentially, it's next to impossible to get your full feelings across in a simple thread such as this, so with that in mind, none of us can truly understand what you're going through or what your particular solution is.
Let me know if you need to chat.
What's the point?
The answer is, I don't know. But I'm going to find out. And I know that I won't find any answers by waiting for them to appear. In order to find an answer, you must first seek it.
At the end of the day, there may be no true answer, and so, to any given person, life is merely a few decades in which to sate yourself as much as you can, a conclusion the vast majority of people believe in, consciously or otherwise, which has led to the world being largely dominated by selfish motivations.
But then, the majority of people like modern pop music, so they are not necesarilly correct. Eventually, each person will have their own answer, but in a world where every creature has evolved to take a particular role in nature, it is difficult to believe that natures most advanced creation exists for no reason at all.
I know that reading replies on an internet chat forum isn't going to make you feel any better about all of this. Essentially, it's next to impossible to get your full feelings across in a simple thread such as this, so with that in mind, none of us can truly understand what you're going through or what your particular solution is.
Let me know if you need to chat.
Yup Ros, we are all going to void. I wonder if we are all being stupid, watching Eastenders and playing Cricket for five days at a time, when we should all be spending 23 hours a day trying to make ourselves immortal. The thing is we've created many creature comforts (TV, computers, KFC) and also religion, which does not encourage the pursuit of wordly immortality: and it is clearlt a reaction to fear of death. Ironic.
The whole subject of creation is a mystery to me, imagine we are the only sentient life forms in the universe: we've come up with Corination St, Dolphins have made silly noises a lot and Donkeys have stubbornly refused to make any contributions what so ever.
Oh and we've made people like Michael Jackson more important than any surgeon, scientist or social leader.
We dumb people.
The whole subject of creation is a mystery to me, imagine we are the only sentient life forms in the universe: we've come up with Corination St, Dolphins have made silly noises a lot and Donkeys have stubbornly refused to make any contributions what so ever.
Oh and we've made people like Michael Jackson more important than any surgeon, scientist or social leader.
We dumb people.
Well, actually it is possible to stop aging, and to therefore become immortal. But its illegal to do anything about it.
I question life everyday, to be honest i dont see the point in anything being alive. Life is pretty pointless.
I question life everyday, to be honest i dont see the point in anything being alive. Life is pretty pointless.
If I could somehow clone my body but retain my mind...
impossible.
It would be awful to live forever. But equally it will be awful to die and cease to exist.
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