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The top ten reasons why a games console is better than a wife/girlfriend!
10: Your console only needs to be kept in games, significantly cheaper than shoes and haircuts.
9: Your console won't mind if you ignore it for a week or two.
8: Your console won't wake you at 3 in the morning, just to talk.
7: A console will never say it doesn't want to play because it has a headache.
6: Pressing the right buttons is easy with a console.
5: Your console won't mind if you play with other consoles.
4: Your console won't tell you that you've already had enough to drink, and subsequently if you can't perform, it won't mind.
3: When the time comes to replace your console, it won't take you to court.
2: Your console won't mind if you want all of your friends to join in.
And the Number One reason why a games console is better than a wife or girlfriend is:
A console comes with a manual.
10: Your console only needs to be kept in games, significantly cheaper than shoes and haircuts.
9: Your console won't mind if you ignore it for a week or two.
8: Your console won't wake you at 3 in the morning, just to talk.
7: A console will never say it doesn't want to play because it has a headache.
6: Pressing the right buttons is easy with a console.
5: Your console won't mind if you play with other consoles.
4: Your console won't tell you that you've already had enough to drink, and subsequently if you can't perform, it won't mind.
3: When the time comes to replace your console, it won't take you to court.
2: Your console won't mind if you want all of your friends to join in.
And the Number One reason why a games console is better than a wife or girlfriend is:
A console comes with a manual.
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HEY I AINT THE PARROTS WHY HAVE THEY GOT MY NAME!!!
:(
IT WASN'T ME, I GOT A TWIN!
:(
IT WASN'T ME, I GOT A TWIN!
OK, for anyone who doesn't know the relevance of the parrot and how it has affected British humour over subsequent generations, for the better I might add, here is the sketch:
Mr Praline walks into shop carrying a dead parrot in a cage. He walks to counter where shopkeeper tries to hide below cash register.
Praline (JOHN): Hello, I wish to register a complaint ...
Hello? Miss?
Shopkeeper (MICHAEL): What do you mean, miss?
Praline: Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.
Shopkeeper: Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
Praline: Never mind that my lad, I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Shopkeeper: Oh, yes, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?
Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
Shopkeeper: No, no it's resting, look!
Praline: Look my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.
Shopkeeper: No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting.
Praline: Resting?
Shopkeeper: Yeah, remarkable bird the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, innit?
Praline: The plumage don't enter into it - it's stone dead.
Shopkeeper: No, no - it's just resting.
Praline: All right then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. (shouts into cage) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot!
Shopkeeper (jogging cage): There it moved.
Praline: No it didn't. That was you pushing the cage.
Shopkeeper: I did not.
Praline: Yes, you did. (takes parrot out of cage, shouts) Hello Polly, Polly (bangs it against counter) Polly Parrot, wake up. Polly. (throws it in the air and lets it fall to the floor) Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
Shopkeeper: No, no it's stunned.
Praline: Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
Shopkeeper: It's probably pining for the fiords.
Praline: Pining for the fiords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got home?
Shopkeeper: The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful bird, lovely plumage.
Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered that the only reason that it has been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
Shopkeeper: Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and voom.
Praline: Look matey (picks up parrot) this parrot wouldn't voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised.
Shopkeeper: It's not, it's pining.
Praline: It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.
Shopkeeper: Well, I'd better replace it then.
Praline (to camera): If you want to get anything done in this country you've got to complain till you're blue in the mouth.
A modern classic, hope you don't mind me pasting it.
Mr Praline walks into shop carrying a dead parrot in a cage. He walks to counter where shopkeeper tries to hide below cash register.
Praline (JOHN): Hello, I wish to register a complaint ...
Hello? Miss?
Shopkeeper (MICHAEL): What do you mean, miss?
Praline: Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.
Shopkeeper: Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
Praline: Never mind that my lad, I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Shopkeeper: Oh, yes, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?
Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
Shopkeeper: No, no it's resting, look!
Praline: Look my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.
Shopkeeper: No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting.
Praline: Resting?
Shopkeeper: Yeah, remarkable bird the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, innit?
Praline: The plumage don't enter into it - it's stone dead.
Shopkeeper: No, no - it's just resting.
Praline: All right then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. (shouts into cage) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot!
Shopkeeper (jogging cage): There it moved.
Praline: No it didn't. That was you pushing the cage.
Shopkeeper: I did not.
Praline: Yes, you did. (takes parrot out of cage, shouts) Hello Polly, Polly (bangs it against counter) Polly Parrot, wake up. Polly. (throws it in the air and lets it fall to the floor) Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
Shopkeeper: No, no it's stunned.
Praline: Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
Shopkeeper: It's probably pining for the fiords.
Praline: Pining for the fiords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got home?
Shopkeeper: The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful bird, lovely plumage.
Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered that the only reason that it has been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
Shopkeeper: Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and voom.
Praline: Look matey (picks up parrot) this parrot wouldn't voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised.
Shopkeeper: It's not, it's pining.
Praline: It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.
Shopkeeper: Well, I'd better replace it then.
Praline (to camera): If you want to get anything done in this country you've got to complain till you're blue in the mouth.
A modern classic, hope you don't mind me pasting it.
look what u have done tony!!!
u have annoyed the various SR parrots!!
wow look @ that one fly.
u have annoyed the various SR parrots!!
wow look @ that one fly.
HOW! WHAT! WHERE! how did er-no change to dead parrot but then change back to er-no
I bet Tony had something to do with it!
I bet Tony had something to do with it!
I will ignore that COMMENT!!
Look
It's definitely SNUFFED IT
It's on it's way to PARROT HEAVEN
It's a STIFFY
It's CROAKED
It's definitely SNUFFED IT
It's on it's way to PARROT HEAVEN
It's a STIFFY
It's CROAKED
I AM NOT STUFFED!
I just eat to much Mcdonalds!!
huh!
I just eat to much Mcdonalds!!
huh!
THANK you very much tony!!
I think I will ignore that!!
I aint dead i just aint breathing!!!
I think I will ignore that!!
I aint dead i just aint breathing!!!
"Perhaps it's just having a rest, then?"
er-no
Like the STUFFED PARROT in Monty Python
Like the STUFFED PARROT in Monty Python
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