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So, I'm getting married in 7 weeks. I don't think it's still sunk in properly. I have bouts getting excited about it, like when we went for suit fittings etc. It feels real then, same as when we were looking for a venue. Right now though, on a slow friday afternoon at work, it doesn't.
I'm not scared by the thought of it. But on the otherhand, right now, I'm not excited by it either. I'm just like "I'm getting married soon, that's cool." And that's about it.
Is this normal? Are there many married people on here? I'm not getting cold feet at all, it's just.... other people are more excited about it than I am. Maybe it's a bloke thing?
Maybe it's the fact that I've got to use nearly all my holiday for the honeymoon, so I've not had a single day off work this year, and I'm starting to drag because of it.
Anyway, the whole institution of marriage is fine by me. Over the last 3 years me & Mrs YH (to be) have been to about 10 weddings. All bar two have been church weddings. All bar one of them are still happily together. Although I know for a fact that at least one of them has most certainly had it's downs.
Not really sure what the point of this thread is to be honest. Friday musings that now it's out I can't be bothered (or don't want to for some reason) delete. Maybe it's something I'll add too over the next few weeks. Maybe I won't. Maybe it's something that will get some replies, or maybe it's something that none of you will read. Who knows?
I'm not scared by the thought of it. But on the otherhand, right now, I'm not excited by it either. I'm just like "I'm getting married soon, that's cool." And that's about it.
Is this normal? Are there many married people on here? I'm not getting cold feet at all, it's just.... other people are more excited about it than I am. Maybe it's a bloke thing?
Maybe it's the fact that I've got to use nearly all my holiday for the honeymoon, so I've not had a single day off work this year, and I'm starting to drag because of it.
Anyway, the whole institution of marriage is fine by me. Over the last 3 years me & Mrs YH (to be) have been to about 10 weddings. All bar two have been church weddings. All bar one of them are still happily together. Although I know for a fact that at least one of them has most certainly had it's downs.
Not really sure what the point of this thread is to be honest. Friday musings that now it's out I can't be bothered (or don't want to for some reason) delete. Maybe it's something I'll add too over the next few weeks. Maybe I won't. Maybe it's something that will get some replies, or maybe it's something that none of you will read. Who knows?
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Nin wrote:
Who sets the targets these days? Who are the ones responsible for this idea of having the perfect life, wife, baby, home etc? Its the sodding media. They're the ones at the root of all this bitterness and jealousy and yet at the same time, they give attention to it, glamourise it, hype it up beyond all importance which is tragically ironic because all it does it desensitize everyone.
Ahah
No it's not! It's the Government! No wait! The parents! Oh, no! It's knife crime!
There is no shame, I think, in wanting an excellent life, although I'd worry about the word perfect. No shame in wanting a terrible one either, I think. As for them being the root of bitterness and jealousy? I erm, think that's down to the individual.
I would say yes, the media does have power, again, that relies solely on the individual's trust in it. It has the power to sensitise, and desensitise. It has the power to do a lot of things but saying it's the root? Like somehow, if we got rid of the media and with enough time, nobody would be stressed any more?
The goals we set ourselves are not entirely at fault of magazines and newspapers and entertainment. I imagine yes, people look at them and think "Boy I wish I was that good" and then lock up when they don't suddenly become brilliant.
The root is not the portrayal of life in the media because that seems to be barely scratching the surface, but the individual themselves, I think, putting trust in things that well, don't really deserve that much trust. They make money out of false belief, true, but uh.. so do a lot of things.
I have faith and trust in a person's ability to do their best to look at and understand what 'facts' really are. The further and further you go into it, you start to realise all these strange beliefs you have, even something as apparently simple as 2+2=4, it's just belief, it's just trust. Is it needed? Do we not have the ability any more to question these things?
I remain annoyingly optimistic, and I wonder if I should from time to time. I truly think, not believe, but really, really think, that people have the ability to become independent from opinion, 'fact', and 'truth'. These are ideas, nothing more. The idea of a man, living with a wife, having two beautiful children and a steady job, making enough money to buy anything they desire - but not needing to, it's an idea.
But placing blame on any one thing, be it the media, Jews, Nazis, Terrorists, parents, teachers, internet forums, no.. you are removing responsibility from the self, and I honestly think all that really does is enforce your belief that the media is the root of stress. The root of stress is well.. you! Your reality, your terms and conditions, your beliefs. I think.
Who sets the targets these days? Who are the ones responsible for this idea of having the perfect life, wife, baby, home etc? Its the sodding media. They're the ones at the root of all this bitterness and jealousy and yet at the same time, they give attention to it, glamourise it, hype it up beyond all importance which is tragically ironic because all it does it desensitize everyone.
Ahah
No it's not! It's the Government! No wait! The parents! Oh, no! It's knife crime!
There is no shame, I think, in wanting an excellent life, although I'd worry about the word perfect. No shame in wanting a terrible one either, I think. As for them being the root of bitterness and jealousy? I erm, think that's down to the individual.
I would say yes, the media does have power, again, that relies solely on the individual's trust in it. It has the power to sensitise, and desensitise. It has the power to do a lot of things but saying it's the root? Like somehow, if we got rid of the media and with enough time, nobody would be stressed any more?
The goals we set ourselves are not entirely at fault of magazines and newspapers and entertainment. I imagine yes, people look at them and think "Boy I wish I was that good" and then lock up when they don't suddenly become brilliant.
The root is not the portrayal of life in the media because that seems to be barely scratching the surface, but the individual themselves, I think, putting trust in things that well, don't really deserve that much trust. They make money out of false belief, true, but uh.. so do a lot of things.
I have faith and trust in a person's ability to do their best to look at and understand what 'facts' really are. The further and further you go into it, you start to realise all these strange beliefs you have, even something as apparently simple as 2+2=4, it's just belief, it's just trust. Is it needed? Do we not have the ability any more to question these things?
I remain annoyingly optimistic, and I wonder if I should from time to time. I truly think, not believe, but really, really think, that people have the ability to become independent from opinion, 'fact', and 'truth'. These are ideas, nothing more. The idea of a man, living with a wife, having two beautiful children and a steady job, making enough money to buy anything they desire - but not needing to, it's an idea.
But placing blame on any one thing, be it the media, Jews, Nazis, Terrorists, parents, teachers, internet forums, no.. you are removing responsibility from the self, and I honestly think all that really does is enforce your belief that the media is the root of stress. The root of stress is well.. you! Your reality, your terms and conditions, your beliefs. I think.
I agree with you and i did oversimplify it a bit. I was thinking about it's influence on those less able to think for themselves, look between the lines and make up their own mind. I still think though that the biggest influence on people these days is what they see on TV and what they read in the papers. In the end it's the resistance of the individual to unrealistic ideas thats key in setting your own terms. I just think it's gotten to the point where we're now so swamped in idealism that an ordinary life isn't enough and everyone seems so much more miserable for it. It's not that anything has actually changed, it's the expectation.
Grix Thraves wrote:
> No it's not! It's the Government! No wait! The parents! Oh, no!
> It's knife crime!
It's possible to go from one to the other. Knife crime due to poor parenting, poor parenting due to...? I guess an attitude problem, laziness etc so why now? I mean there have always been useless parents but it does seem like there are a lot more breeders around these days (i wont call them parents, they barely deserve the name) who are just not suited to having kids. So why do they have them? The average standard of parenting in this country has noticably fallen so whats the reason? In the end i come back to the things that define our culture. Our sources of information, guides to life etc. As i said in the other thread, when you portray a society as selfish, uncaring, ruthless are you really going to uphold your morals while everyone else is (supposedly) losing theirs. Every day comes with another story of injustice where good people suffer while criminals thrive. It may only be perception but its having an effect and people are starting to say "Why the f**k should i be good, play by the rules or be helpful to anyone when they'll just screw me over". That attitude is everywhere.
Right now i'm off.
> No it's not! It's the Government! No wait! The parents! Oh, no!
> It's knife crime!
It's possible to go from one to the other. Knife crime due to poor parenting, poor parenting due to...? I guess an attitude problem, laziness etc so why now? I mean there have always been useless parents but it does seem like there are a lot more breeders around these days (i wont call them parents, they barely deserve the name) who are just not suited to having kids. So why do they have them? The average standard of parenting in this country has noticably fallen so whats the reason? In the end i come back to the things that define our culture. Our sources of information, guides to life etc. As i said in the other thread, when you portray a society as selfish, uncaring, ruthless are you really going to uphold your morals while everyone else is (supposedly) losing theirs. Every day comes with another story of injustice where good people suffer while criminals thrive. It may only be perception but its having an effect and people are starting to say "Why the f**k should i be good, play by the rules or be helpful to anyone when they'll just screw me over". That attitude is everywhere.
Right now i'm off.
Yeah, that worries me, but what can you do? If people are locked in the thought of believing what they want to believe, hanging onto these 'this is this and this is that' ideas, what the hell can you do? Give them something else to believe instead? Seems to miss the point.
I don't think there's an entirely easy way of getting people to open their minds. It seems if someone is taken towards these ideals and beliefs and what not, that's the particular core, isn't it? I also don't think you can just tell people to 'open their mind' and expect them to suddenly start questioning reality altogether. Seems the best you can do is give them more information so they don't think this is all there is. Otherwise it seems, people build up a picture of something that's flat, 2D, in comparison to the incredible amount of details that are actually available to anyone who wants them.
It does make me wonder though, do people genuinely need religion? No matter how you look at it, everyone has their own religion and set of beliefs. I think it might be impossible not to have them.. well, at least one.
It seems like most religions have this kinda 'enlightenment' thing, where understanding comes from the faith, principles on which life is based, perhaps. Maybe it's this idea that if you get these basic rules in your head, then suddenly 'everything makes sense'. Gosh, the reason I wanted to rape that woman was because the devil was tempting me! It's so clear now!
These little basic rules of life that you can seemingly apply to anything you want to. Then, you understand! You have faith because it makes sense, to you, at least. I think that's the appeal. All these things that don't make any sense, that you can't place -any belief on- suddenly do, because you have a rule that allows it to happen.
Personally I don't think that goes deep enough. Too many rules. Too many get out clauses saying "Forgive him Jesus, he knows not what he means", when these people aren't actually relying on Jesus, perhaps, but relying on their belief of him - THEIR understanding. The same way people perhaps, that people look at Amy Winehouse, and think "Gosh drugs are awful" and end up lecturing their children about how dangerous they are and you should never do them. I don't think it's wrong, I don't think it's right, but I do think it's a belief.
And perhaps it's this whole system of right and wrong and what we believe to be either which is flawed. Mentally ill people can believe in things that are socially unheard of, such as devils chasing them around rooms, being watched by camera constantly, etc. It seems maybe the only difference between someone who believes a celebrity to be a hero, someone who believes Jesus will save us all, and someone who believes they've got aliens living in their blood, is imagination. And that's why belief systems scare me.
I don't think there's an entirely easy way of getting people to open their minds. It seems if someone is taken towards these ideals and beliefs and what not, that's the particular core, isn't it? I also don't think you can just tell people to 'open their mind' and expect them to suddenly start questioning reality altogether. Seems the best you can do is give them more information so they don't think this is all there is. Otherwise it seems, people build up a picture of something that's flat, 2D, in comparison to the incredible amount of details that are actually available to anyone who wants them.
It does make me wonder though, do people genuinely need religion? No matter how you look at it, everyone has their own religion and set of beliefs. I think it might be impossible not to have them.. well, at least one.
It seems like most religions have this kinda 'enlightenment' thing, where understanding comes from the faith, principles on which life is based, perhaps. Maybe it's this idea that if you get these basic rules in your head, then suddenly 'everything makes sense'. Gosh, the reason I wanted to rape that woman was because the devil was tempting me! It's so clear now!
These little basic rules of life that you can seemingly apply to anything you want to. Then, you understand! You have faith because it makes sense, to you, at least. I think that's the appeal. All these things that don't make any sense, that you can't place -any belief on- suddenly do, because you have a rule that allows it to happen.
Personally I don't think that goes deep enough. Too many rules. Too many get out clauses saying "Forgive him Jesus, he knows not what he means", when these people aren't actually relying on Jesus, perhaps, but relying on their belief of him - THEIR understanding. The same way people perhaps, that people look at Amy Winehouse, and think "Gosh drugs are awful" and end up lecturing their children about how dangerous they are and you should never do them. I don't think it's wrong, I don't think it's right, but I do think it's a belief.
And perhaps it's this whole system of right and wrong and what we believe to be either which is flawed. Mentally ill people can believe in things that are socially unheard of, such as devils chasing them around rooms, being watched by camera constantly, etc. It seems maybe the only difference between someone who believes a celebrity to be a hero, someone who believes Jesus will save us all, and someone who believes they've got aliens living in their blood, is imagination. And that's why belief systems scare me.
Giving them something else to believe in? No. Giving them a centre is perhaps the answer. It doesn't have to be religious. Look what happens during wars, then what happens after a war. War is something that centres people individually and also brings people together (these are two seperate things, by the way).
By Centre I mean purpose or meaning. Religion provides both of those, but other disciplines can also work. The 'problem' is that the individual needs to want to take part/believe. Certainly I've seen Martial Arts change people and make them more centred while making them less egotistical, familes work for others, again being subject to the individual wanting to do things properly, even marriage (ah, have I come full circle now?).
By Centre I mean purpose or meaning. Religion provides both of those, but other disciplines can also work. The 'problem' is that the individual needs to want to take part/believe. Certainly I've seen Martial Arts change people and make them more centred while making them less egotistical, familes work for others, again being subject to the individual wanting to do things properly, even marriage (ah, have I come full circle now?).
pb wrote:
> Giving them something else to believe in? No. Giving them a
> centre is perhaps the answer. It doesn't have to be religious.
> Look what happens during wars, then what happens after a war.
> War is something that centres people individually and also brings
> people together (these are two seperate things, by the way).
Centre? What do you mean by that sorry, and can you explain the difference between centre individually, and bring them together? (No horribleness or anything, this sounds interesting)
> Giving them something else to believe in? No. Giving them a
> centre is perhaps the answer. It doesn't have to be religious.
> Look what happens during wars, then what happens after a war.
> War is something that centres people individually and also brings
> people together (these are two seperate things, by the way).
Centre? What do you mean by that sorry, and can you explain the difference between centre individually, and bring them together? (No horribleness or anything, this sounds interesting)
Random thought.
I hate family weddings. You see a hot girl then find out she's your long lost sister or something. Bad times, bad times.
I hate family weddings. You see a hot girl then find out she's your long lost sister or something. Bad times, bad times.
I've yet to find that happen to me. I think I'd be pretty pleased
I think I've attended one wedding, ever. And one funeral.
Grix Thraves wrote:
> pb wrote:
> Giving them something else to believe in? No. Giving them a
> centre is perhaps the answer. It doesn't have to be religious.
> Look what happens during wars, then what happens after a war.
> War is something that centres people individually and also
> brings
> people together (these are two seperate things, by the way).
>
> Centre? What do you mean by that sorry, and can you explain the
> difference between centre individually, and bring them together?
> (No horribleness or anything, this sounds interesting)
I believe (sorry!) that you need a common bond to bring people together, but the root of this must be in individual belief. Organised religion relies on this, even though many see it as a mass group thing, it's actually just as much about getting the individual to think about their own belief system, then bringing them all together.
What I mean by Centre is to get someone to think about their own place in the universe and what they mean to themselves. Once people feel they have purpose and meaning then the rest of the world will mean more to them. It's a basis for many philosophies, but the Jewish leader and scholar, Hillel sums it up quite well, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?"
Not sure if that made any more sense or just made me sound even more like I was ranting? :D
> pb wrote:
> Giving them something else to believe in? No. Giving them a
> centre is perhaps the answer. It doesn't have to be religious.
> Look what happens during wars, then what happens after a war.
> War is something that centres people individually and also
> brings
> people together (these are two seperate things, by the way).
>
> Centre? What do you mean by that sorry, and can you explain the
> difference between centre individually, and bring them together?
> (No horribleness or anything, this sounds interesting)
I believe (sorry!) that you need a common bond to bring people together, but the root of this must be in individual belief. Organised religion relies on this, even though many see it as a mass group thing, it's actually just as much about getting the individual to think about their own belief system, then bringing them all together.
What I mean by Centre is to get someone to think about their own place in the universe and what they mean to themselves. Once people feel they have purpose and meaning then the rest of the world will mean more to them. It's a basis for many philosophies, but the Jewish leader and scholar, Hillel sums it up quite well, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?"
Not sure if that made any more sense or just made me sound even more like I was ranting? :D
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