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"Massive fight last night"

I am in such a bad way. I had a massive fight with my girlfriend last night. We have been together for over a year and I love her dearly, but last night we had the worst fight ever. We were even physical with each other and I would never usually hit a woman. In the end I told her I wanted her to be out of my house tomorrow - because she lives with me. I slept in another room last night and this morning we didn't say a word to each other. We dodged each other round the house and went to work our seperate ways.

I dont know what to say to her when/if I see her when I get back from work. Deep down I dont want her to go as I love her and we have fun together, but we have been arguing loads and I have been finding myself looking at other women, thinking "she looks nice". I'm sure she doesn't want to leave either, but I am really stuborn and dont think I can say sorry to her.

Please help me.....

He's the bloke who does the Ceefax videogame news I believe.

He claimed that Goldeneye was developed by Electronic Arts.

Who is David Gibbon and why do you hate him?

Oh - and congratulations on becoming so Notable.

Mr. Happy wrote:
I'm not even going to dignify your Romeo must die comment with a response. I somewhat doubt your girlfriend is a lethal killing machine.


Funniest post today.

Fair points Duck, I don't agree with some of them but that's life eh? Nobody agrees with everything 100% all the time, it'd be a boring world otherwise.

The sun is out, music is playing and I'm off out tonight for adventures.
I wouldn't mind a couple hours of sleep though.

I think I should get Game-a-day for starting this interesting topic........

Goatboy wrote:
> But what I'm taking issue with are the reasonings and logic (and a lot
> of the comments) made by Ripper concerning this.
> Specifically "Hurting me only hurts you" (I'll do the same
> back) and "What if you said something that made that person hit
> you"
>
> My questions (being studiously ignored) are:
> Why continue a cycle of violence as indicated by the "Hurting me
> only hurts you" comment? If it is likely that this will continue,
> it is better to leave that situation rather than "eye for an
> eye".


Ah, okay. Not sure i took these in exactly the same way as you, but i do see what you mean.



> And seeing as we're being personal about Ripper and his missus - there
> have been a number of occasions where he has spoken to her like she's
> a retard child kept in the attic (see "STOP POSTING AND GET A
> JOB" and many comments in the "Not the usual" thread)


In fairness, these kind of messages are notorious for being taken out of context. We can't really know the tone in which it was meant.



> From what I have seen, Ripper treats her exactly as he does the
> posters here:
> With contempt and misplaced arrogance should anyone dare to contradict
> his all-knowing word.


Hmm. Maybe i've not read as many of his posts as you, maybe i just interpretted them differently.
But i kind of considered him as an intelligent poster who had strong conviction and generally reasonable basis for the opinions he held. Even if i don't always agree with him, i always respected him for that.
Yes, he seems quick to insult people (i'd definitely consider it a fault, but as i didn't link it 'directly' to people simply disagreeing with him, it didn't seem that bad), and rare to admit fault or be convinced to change his opinion (but perhaps more a mark of thinking things through to a solid conclusion you can really believe in, rather than arrogance).

Hmm....

this has all got far too out of hand.

I would not have gone so far as to nearly kill you "mr. Ripper". I know how far to go and not to go.


this is the first time anything like this has happened and the last.

Jesus, everyone has there own opinion, lets agree to disagree.... please???????

Oh I agree 100% that someone can make a mistake.

But what I'm taking issue with are the reasonings and logic (and a lot of the comments) made by Ripper concerning this.
Specifically "Hurting me only hurts you" (I'll do the same back) and "What if you said something that made that person hit you"

My questions (being studiously ignored) are:
Why continue a cycle of violence as indicated by the "Hurting me only hurts you" comment? If it is likely that this will continue, it is better to leave that situation rather than "eye for an eye".

"What if you said something that made them hit you"
There is *nothing* you could say to justify a violent reaction from somebody in a relationship. This isn't going up to a stranger and insulting their mother, this is two people together.
Either he has said something intentionally nasty and insulting, or she over-reacted and went mental.

Either choice is an indicator that all is not well.

So I'm not suggesting that you run immediately away, but the comments made have indicated an abusive relationship (although maybe not physically violent before). Mental abuse is just as damaging.

And seeing as we're being personal about Ripper and his missus - there have been a number of occasions where he has spoken to her like she's a retard child kept in the attic (see "STOP POSTING AND GET A JOB" and many comments in the "Not the usual" thread)

From what I have seen, Ripper treats her exactly as he does the posters here:
With contempt and misplaced arrogance should anyone dare to contradict his all-knowing word.

Well balls to that.
If she takes his spoilt-brat attitude and allows him to talk to her like that in a forum? Then she's as stupid as he is.

And you may well ignore this Ripper, but I find you contemptable for your attitudes towards anyone that doesn't tow the line to your beliefs and the way in which you treat your girlfriend.
But that's nothing to do with me, she can swallow as much crap as she wants to.

But some of us here won't, and we'll keep calling you on your remarks until you have explained them to our satisfaction.
And "I'm ignoring you" means you just got owned.

Deal with it.

Goatboy wrote:
> Why remain with someone that attacks you so violently?
> Surely it is an indicator of an abusive relationship when it
> detiorates to the point of violence?
>
> Spousal abuse is not a one-off thing, it is learned behavour and a
> cycle. It is infinitesimally rare for it to be a one-off, simply
> because rational people do not beat their partners.
> For any reason.
>
> There should be nothing you say, nothing you do that causes a violent
> reaction in your partner. And if that is the case then it is not a
> healthy relationship and I personally would question the values of
> remaining with somebody that would beat me simply because I had upset
> them.
> Male *or* female.
>
> Normal people, rational people do not attack their partners for any
> reason.


But it happened. Once.
How can you or i really know what their chances are of sorting this out, and putting the violence behind them for good?

Even if it is a long shot, just maybe it's worth trying. Maybe they have something good enough to give it one more chance.

Then again, that looks a bit like the reasoning of someone stuck in a repeating cycle of domestic violence.

But to try when it's only happened once. Surely that's okay?

I don't claim to know the boundaries of when to give up on something, but even if once is once too many, and mr ripper shouldn't be trying again, is there really any dishonour in making the mistake of trying to fix things? Just once?

Goatboy wrote:
> The question of self-defence is irrelevant

Dammit
;^)