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No offense ladies!
CONTROL OF SUBSTANCES HAZARDOUS TO HEALTH
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
Element : Woman
Chemical symbol : Wo
Discoverer : Adam
Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 kg but may vary from 40 to 200 kg
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas
Physical Properties
Surface usually covered with painted film
Boils at various temperatures
Freezes for no known reason
Melts if given special treatment
Bitter if incorrectly used
Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
Yields to pressure applied to correct points
Chemical Properties
Has great affinity with gold, silver, platinum and precious stones
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol
Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
Common Uses
Mainly ornamental
Can be a great aid to relaxation
Very effective cleaning agent
Excellent application for all domestic areas
Tests
Pure specimen turns rosy pink when found in natural state
Turns green when placed next to a better specimen
Potential Hazards
Highly dangerous, except in experienced hands
Illegal possess more than one example of the substance, although several can be maintained in different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other
Phil
CONTROL OF SUBSTANCES HAZARDOUS TO HEALTH
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
Element : Woman
Chemical symbol : Wo
Discoverer : Adam
Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 kg but may vary from 40 to 200 kg
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas
Physical Properties
Surface usually covered with painted film
Boils at various temperatures
Freezes for no known reason
Melts if given special treatment
Bitter if incorrectly used
Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
Yields to pressure applied to correct points
Chemical Properties
Has great affinity with gold, silver, platinum and precious stones
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol
Most powerful money reducing agent known to man
Common Uses
Mainly ornamental
Can be a great aid to relaxation
Very effective cleaning agent
Excellent application for all domestic areas
Tests
Pure specimen turns rosy pink when found in natural state
Turns green when placed next to a better specimen
Potential Hazards
Highly dangerous, except in experienced hands
Illegal possess more than one example of the substance, although several can be maintained in different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other
Phil
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Common ore.
Genious, or was it not meant to be?
Genious, or was it not meant to be?
Lol! Now thats science!
;0)
;0)
HálloHowArtThou wrote:
> Nobel Prize?
Yes please...
> Nobel Prize?
Yes please...
There's one for man, too. Not quite as funny, but still entertaining nonetheless:
MEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: MAN
SYMBOL: Ego
DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs.
OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense.
3. Melts if treated like a God.
4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
6. Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.
2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
3. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.
4. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
5. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
6. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
7. Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & #6.
8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
9. Is impervious to embarrassment.
10. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.
MEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: MAN
SYMBOL: Ego
DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs.
OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense.
3. Melts if treated like a God.
4. Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
6. Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.
2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
3. Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.
4. When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
5. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
6. Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
7. Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & #6.
8. Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
9. Is impervious to embarrassment.
10. Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.
Nobel Prize?
lol! thats a good post, and a significant scientific find :D
Lol, very good.
:-D
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