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"Hey, here's a brilliant joke."

"Doctor Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum!"
"Don't worry, I'll get some cream for that and it'll come out a treat!"
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still laugh at it now! Here's another one.
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandad, unlike the screaming passengers in his car!!!"
Please ask if you want more!!!
Thanks for laughing, Ant.
PS you probably think those jokes are crap right??

You have the right to remain keyboardless...

ssxpro wrote:
He posted it last October :)

And we both stole it from Jack Handey! :)

Armatige Shanks wrote:
> Ant wrote:
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my
>
> Grandad, unlike the screaming passengers in his
> car!!!"
Please

Oi!... I posted that gag last week! :)

He posted it last October :)

er-no wrote:
> How do you keep NIS busy??

give him a black piece of A4 paper
> with PTO on both sides!!

HAHAHA

LOL! Good one mate. The only problem is, will he know what PTO is? Maybe you should do a little "Key" box explaining that it means Please Turn Over :-)

Ant wrote:
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my
> Grandad, unlike the screaming passengers in his car!!!"
Please

Oi!... I posted that gag last week! :)

How do you keep NIS busy??

give him a black piece of A4 paper with PTO on both sides!!

HAHAHA

The first one was definetely the best

Its amazing what you can find when you look hard enough. I found that last one quite funny.

Saddam Hussein is sitting at his desk in his Palace office when the phone rings, so he answers it. There's a heavily accented voice on the other end of the line....

"Hello?" says the voice.
"Yes?" says Saddam.
"Oi'm declaring war on yer country!" declares the voice.
"And who is this?" asks Saddam.
"Dis is Paddy!" says Paddy.
Saddam sighs and says, "Well Paddy, what army have you got?"
"Well," says Paddy, "I got me, me bruddah Shamus, and da lads from the dominoe club down de alehouse. How's dat?"
"Well, Paddy, my army currently has half a million men, a battalion of tanks and an small airforce, are you sure you want to declare war?"
"Righteo, Saddam, Oi'll have ter get back to yer on dat one den. Oi'll call yer back tamarra."

With that Paddy hangs up and Saddam thinks no more of it, until the next day when the phone rings again.

"Hello, is dat Saddam?"
"Hello Paddy, what can I do for you?"
"Oi'm declaring war on yer country!" declares Paddy again.
"Ah!" says Saddam.
"Yes dats roight. We borrowed a tractor off Fergal and two combine harvesters from Brodie, and we roped in da lads from the rugby club. We're coming ta get ya's!"
"Well Paddy," Saddam says resignedly, "Since you last called, I now have one million men in my army, a full arsenal of intercontinental ballistic missiles, and a fully alerted air defence, complete with ground to air laser guided missiles and 1000 Mig-29 Fighter jets."
"Ah, roight yer are, Oi'll be gettin' back ter ya on dat one den."
Saddam hangs up, until the next day....

"Roight Saddam, it's War! We've borrowed a microlite from Sean, and we've fixed a couple of garden implements to the wings, and we can drop some potatos on yas as we fly over and invade yer country. What de ya say to dat!!"
"Well Paddy, we've now got 2 million men in the army, and chemical weapons, satellites in orbit monitoring your movements, biological warfare capability, and we're working on a tactical nuclear warhead."
"Roight....Oi'll get back ter ya on dat one."

Next day, Saddam picks up the phone, guess what, it's Paddy again.

"Roight Saddam, we're callin' off da war!"
"Oh!" says Saddam, rather surprised, "And why is that, Paddy?"
"Well, me and de lads decided that 2 million prisoners was just more dan we could manage to feed...."

Decamillennium was actually proposed as the official word for 10,000 years, but the Oxford English Dictionary turned it down, and plumped for Myriad instead.

That's why you were very close.