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"Good afternoon sir, a woman left a letter for you."
The man smiled at the bellboy, took the letter, sliped it into his pocket, pulled out a cigarette, and lit up.
"I'll be at the blackjack tables if there's a phone call for me."
"Oui senoir."
The man calmly strode down the long stairs to the chandilier lit casino. Smoke filled the room, puffed out by men who were a lot less rich now that they'd been in here for a few hours.
But there was one man who always seemed to win. He sat at table 5...
So he sat down, opposite, and offered to play in. The table accepted.
A woman around the table eyed the new player... he knew his cards... and she knew his face.
"Cool, hit me." He said, taking a deep drag from his cigarette.
"Excuse me sir, have I seen you around places before?" The lady finally asked.
"Maybe. I've been to places before." The man quipped, taking another drag and raising the stakes.
The man, the man who never seemed to lose sneered at the smoking man's comment.
"So who are you?" The lady asked.
"The name's Snuggly." Snuggly took another deep drag from his cigarette. "Mr. Snuggly."
"Oh! I DO know you... remember when we inflitrated that drugs ring in South America... we made love under the sunset after we bought Mr Large to justice... he faced an untimely death after being rolled in his giant mechanical joint making machine."
The man who never losed eyed Snuggly... "I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone else."
"Can't you remember?" The woman said, giggling. "It wasn't that long ago... we're both spies, you know, you'd expect us to remember things like that. You DO still work for the British Secret Service, don't you?"
The man who never losed suddenly stood up quickly... two men seized Snuggly from behind, and the woman was punched in the face by the man, and fell to the floor.
"You! You the spy that been following me huh?" The man said.
"You've been stealing OAP's to build your underwater lair, Hybrid. It was only a matter of time before we found out your evil scheme."
"Acchh... I was so sure nobody would notice that they went missing..." Hybrid said. "Still, ah well. I'll just have to kill you now."
"Not if I do this!" Snuggly managed to loosen his grip on the man holding him to his left. He punched the one to the right, kicked the other one in the shin, and then pulled an elastic band from his pocket, and shot it at Hybrid.
He fell back, screaming, and fell into an automatic card shuffler. The other members that had come to play cards moaned at the sight, as Hybrid was split into two even sections.
"He always was a right pack to deal with." Snuggly said to himself.
The woman rushed to her feet. "Oh Snuggly... how foolish of me, but what do you expect, I'm only a woman, after all." The woman giggled, and offered Snuggly back to her place for a few hours of sex.
Snuggly placed the letter from the woman that was given to him in his jacket, and promptly forgot about it.
----------
LONDON - THREE DAYS LATER
----------
"Glad to hear that you've dealt with Hybrid, Snuggly!" Tony said, sitting behind his antique desk, smoking a pipe.
"In more ways than one." Loki said, opening the door and letting himself in.
"Ah, Loki, I've been meaning to thank you for that elastic band you gave me for that mission... came in handy."
"We're here to help you get the man Snuggly, don't you forget. The amount of times Loki Branch has saved your life, I'll never count. Did you manage to return the elastic band?"
"Well... yes, I was meaning to say..."
Loki sighed.
"Never mind that now, you two, sit down." Tony stood up, and waited for the two to sit. "Now, a small problem has arised in Venice... our payman there, Meka, he hasn't reported in for a few days."
"What was he sticking his nose in at the time?" Snuggly asked.
"We're not sure. The last time he radio contacted us, he told us that something big was going down at the 'Plumage Club'. It's a big nightclub, probably the best you can find in Venice."
"Does it have a casino?" Snuggly asked.
"Yes."
"Superb."
"So your assignment is this." Tony said, summing up the mission, and taking a puff from his pipe. "Go to Venice, visit where Meka was staying, find anything you can, and visit this 'Plumage Club' as well. Meka might still be alive, so please, work as fast as you can."
"You know me, sir." Snuggly stood up. "I'll leave immedietely."
"Not quite so fast..." Loki said, standing up to. "Come with me down to the Workshop, we've got a few gadgets for you to bring with you."
The man smiled at the bellboy, took the letter, sliped it into his pocket, pulled out a cigarette, and lit up.
"I'll be at the blackjack tables if there's a phone call for me."
"Oui senoir."
The man calmly strode down the long stairs to the chandilier lit casino. Smoke filled the room, puffed out by men who were a lot less rich now that they'd been in here for a few hours.
But there was one man who always seemed to win. He sat at table 5...
So he sat down, opposite, and offered to play in. The table accepted.
A woman around the table eyed the new player... he knew his cards... and she knew his face.
"Cool, hit me." He said, taking a deep drag from his cigarette.
"Excuse me sir, have I seen you around places before?" The lady finally asked.
"Maybe. I've been to places before." The man quipped, taking another drag and raising the stakes.
The man, the man who never seemed to lose sneered at the smoking man's comment.
"So who are you?" The lady asked.
"The name's Snuggly." Snuggly took another deep drag from his cigarette. "Mr. Snuggly."
"Oh! I DO know you... remember when we inflitrated that drugs ring in South America... we made love under the sunset after we bought Mr Large to justice... he faced an untimely death after being rolled in his giant mechanical joint making machine."
The man who never losed eyed Snuggly... "I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone else."
"Can't you remember?" The woman said, giggling. "It wasn't that long ago... we're both spies, you know, you'd expect us to remember things like that. You DO still work for the British Secret Service, don't you?"
The man who never losed suddenly stood up quickly... two men seized Snuggly from behind, and the woman was punched in the face by the man, and fell to the floor.
"You! You the spy that been following me huh?" The man said.
"You've been stealing OAP's to build your underwater lair, Hybrid. It was only a matter of time before we found out your evil scheme."
"Acchh... I was so sure nobody would notice that they went missing..." Hybrid said. "Still, ah well. I'll just have to kill you now."
"Not if I do this!" Snuggly managed to loosen his grip on the man holding him to his left. He punched the one to the right, kicked the other one in the shin, and then pulled an elastic band from his pocket, and shot it at Hybrid.
He fell back, screaming, and fell into an automatic card shuffler. The other members that had come to play cards moaned at the sight, as Hybrid was split into two even sections.
"He always was a right pack to deal with." Snuggly said to himself.
The woman rushed to her feet. "Oh Snuggly... how foolish of me, but what do you expect, I'm only a woman, after all." The woman giggled, and offered Snuggly back to her place for a few hours of sex.
Snuggly placed the letter from the woman that was given to him in his jacket, and promptly forgot about it.
----------
LONDON - THREE DAYS LATER
----------
"Glad to hear that you've dealt with Hybrid, Snuggly!" Tony said, sitting behind his antique desk, smoking a pipe.
"In more ways than one." Loki said, opening the door and letting himself in.
"Ah, Loki, I've been meaning to thank you for that elastic band you gave me for that mission... came in handy."
"We're here to help you get the man Snuggly, don't you forget. The amount of times Loki Branch has saved your life, I'll never count. Did you manage to return the elastic band?"
"Well... yes, I was meaning to say..."
Loki sighed.
"Never mind that now, you two, sit down." Tony stood up, and waited for the two to sit. "Now, a small problem has arised in Venice... our payman there, Meka, he hasn't reported in for a few days."
"What was he sticking his nose in at the time?" Snuggly asked.
"We're not sure. The last time he radio contacted us, he told us that something big was going down at the 'Plumage Club'. It's a big nightclub, probably the best you can find in Venice."
"Does it have a casino?" Snuggly asked.
"Yes."
"Superb."
"So your assignment is this." Tony said, summing up the mission, and taking a puff from his pipe. "Go to Venice, visit where Meka was staying, find anything you can, and visit this 'Plumage Club' as well. Meka might still be alive, so please, work as fast as you can."
"You know me, sir." Snuggly stood up. "I'll leave immedietely."
"Not quite so fast..." Loki said, standing up to. "Come with me down to the Workshop, we've got a few gadgets for you to bring with you."
Page:
"Is that a hoodie?"
Genius.
Genius.
Sheepy recoiled from the knife-blade.
"Noooo, I'll never tell!"
"Why..." Snuggly paused to adjust his tie. "Not?"
"Because....it's too embarrasing! McDonalds pay nothing! Oh...damn."
"Hm. So why do McDonalds want me dead?"
"They want everyone dead! Have you ever eaten a burger there?"
"Why, yes. I made love to a beautfiul woman in the toilets there. At least I think it was a woman. Not too sure it was the toilets either."
"I'd give you five years. Tops. Is that a hoodie?"
Snuggly pressed the pocket knife to Sheepy's throat.
"If you're going to kill me, go ahead. I'll never talk."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"Really?"
"Look, you tart, I just said really. I'll never tell you I work for the enemy that left you for dead 5 years ago. Oh, damn, I've done it again."
Snuggly paused to adjust his tie and wink at a passing gondola that might have contained a woman. He whipped something from his pocket.
"Does he look like this?"
"Erm, thats an extendable skateboard."
Snuggly looked at it.
"Damn, so it is. Anyway, who's this person? Five people left me for dead. I can only surmise they have no clue about international crime."
Sheepy gulped.
"It's...."
Suddenly a diver exploded out of the water. He fired a harpoon straight at Mr Snuggly. Snuggly debated going into bullet-time, because he could do that, but he was wearing his magic Tux that can dodge bullets and other assorted projectiles, so he simply twisted to one side. In that brief instant, Sheepy escaped somehow, leaving behind the fleeting words...
"Damn stupid hoodie."
Snuggly stood at the bow as the diver fell back into the water and swam away.
"You're out there somewhere. And I'll find you. For I am Snugg..."
The boat hit a rock and catapulted Snuggly into the water. It looked funny.
"Noooo, I'll never tell!"
"Why..." Snuggly paused to adjust his tie. "Not?"
"Because....it's too embarrasing! McDonalds pay nothing! Oh...damn."
"Hm. So why do McDonalds want me dead?"
"They want everyone dead! Have you ever eaten a burger there?"
"Why, yes. I made love to a beautfiul woman in the toilets there. At least I think it was a woman. Not too sure it was the toilets either."
"I'd give you five years. Tops. Is that a hoodie?"
Snuggly pressed the pocket knife to Sheepy's throat.
"If you're going to kill me, go ahead. I'll never talk."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"Really?"
"Look, you tart, I just said really. I'll never tell you I work for the enemy that left you for dead 5 years ago. Oh, damn, I've done it again."
Snuggly paused to adjust his tie and wink at a passing gondola that might have contained a woman. He whipped something from his pocket.
"Does he look like this?"
"Erm, thats an extendable skateboard."
Snuggly looked at it.
"Damn, so it is. Anyway, who's this person? Five people left me for dead. I can only surmise they have no clue about international crime."
Sheepy gulped.
"It's...."
Suddenly a diver exploded out of the water. He fired a harpoon straight at Mr Snuggly. Snuggly debated going into bullet-time, because he could do that, but he was wearing his magic Tux that can dodge bullets and other assorted projectiles, so he simply twisted to one side. In that brief instant, Sheepy escaped somehow, leaving behind the fleeting words...
"Damn stupid hoodie."
Snuggly stood at the bow as the diver fell back into the water and swam away.
"You're out there somewhere. And I'll find you. For I am Snugg..."
The boat hit a rock and catapulted Snuggly into the water. It looked funny.
"So," Snuggly began, leaning back and taking in the sun's rays, "is there lots of water around here?"
The man looked strangely at Snuggly, "well, yes, this is Venice of course."
"Of course, of course," Snuggly said. He sat up a little and glanced around.
"Hey, what's that?" He asked, pointing.
"That's a supermarket, sir."
"Ah, wonderful. We don't get many of those where we come from."
The man, who happened to be named Sheepy, was a little surprised at Mr Snuggly's behaviour. He was upto something, and Sheepy knew he had to be careful. But, he had already promised that he would not let Snuggly catch him out, and Sheepy always kept his promises.
"What is this?" Mr Snuggly looked around the Gondola.
"Why, it's a Gondola sir."
"Really? Never seen one of them before. Reminds me of something...damn, I can't remember what it's called..."
"A boat, sir?"
"Yes, that's the one! Sorry, where are we again?"
Now this was very strange. Why was he acting like this? Sheepy was beginning to lose his patience...after all, he could simply shoot the man now if he felt like it.
"Venice."
"Oh yes. Can I ask you something?" Mr Snuggly knew his plan was working. He could see it in the man's eyes.
"Yes, go ahead." As if he hadn't already asked enough, Sheepy thought.
"Are you an alien?"
At this, Sheepy lost it. He pulled out his gun, and aimed at Mr Snuggly. Snuggly had seen it coming though, and he leaped to his feet with amazing agility and then ducked, a bullet whizzing over his head. Fortunately, it missed the Gondola.
Snuggly used his amazing speed and powerful legs to trip up Sheepy, and then pounced onto him. He snapped a pocket knife from his...pocket, and put it to Sheepy's neck.
"Now, tell me. Who are you, and who do you work for?"
The man looked strangely at Snuggly, "well, yes, this is Venice of course."
"Of course, of course," Snuggly said. He sat up a little and glanced around.
"Hey, what's that?" He asked, pointing.
"That's a supermarket, sir."
"Ah, wonderful. We don't get many of those where we come from."
The man, who happened to be named Sheepy, was a little surprised at Mr Snuggly's behaviour. He was upto something, and Sheepy knew he had to be careful. But, he had already promised that he would not let Snuggly catch him out, and Sheepy always kept his promises.
"What is this?" Mr Snuggly looked around the Gondola.
"Why, it's a Gondola sir."
"Really? Never seen one of them before. Reminds me of something...damn, I can't remember what it's called..."
"A boat, sir?"
"Yes, that's the one! Sorry, where are we again?"
Now this was very strange. Why was he acting like this? Sheepy was beginning to lose his patience...after all, he could simply shoot the man now if he felt like it.
"Venice."
"Oh yes. Can I ask you something?" Mr Snuggly knew his plan was working. He could see it in the man's eyes.
"Yes, go ahead." As if he hadn't already asked enough, Sheepy thought.
"Are you an alien?"
At this, Sheepy lost it. He pulled out his gun, and aimed at Mr Snuggly. Snuggly had seen it coming though, and he leaped to his feet with amazing agility and then ducked, a bullet whizzing over his head. Fortunately, it missed the Gondola.
Snuggly used his amazing speed and powerful legs to trip up Sheepy, and then pounced onto him. He snapped a pocket knife from his...pocket, and put it to Sheepy's neck.
"Now, tell me. Who are you, and who do you work for?"
Cool, it makes sense.
Just have to wait to find out what he has written on his baggy jumper thing though.
Just have to wait to find out what he has written on his baggy jumper thing though.
Venice
-------
Snuggly walked out from the airport, carrying his suitcase, and breathed in the Italian air. There was a man leaning on a white and red gondala.
"Mr Snuggly?" The man called. "Is your name Mr Snuggly?"
"Maybe", Snuggly said. He pulled out a cigarrete, and lit it. He blew smoke into his face, and scratched his a**e. He walked down to a local newsagent, and bought a newspaper. He walked back to the man, read the entire newspaper, and placed it in a bin not far away. "Who wants to know?"
The man lowered his eyebrows. "The Italian Government has sent me to collect you, to bring you to Meka's apartment where he was staying. It's our token of apprietiation for your quick concern in these matters."
Snuggly looked around. He told the man to put his suitcase in the boat, he was just going to thank the Italian Government for making him feel so welcome.
"There's no need sir, really." The man said. "We're just happy you are here."
"No really, I insist." Snuggly walked away, and reached the phonebox inside the airport. Unfortunatly, there was a man next to him.
He rang up headquarters.
"Hi darling, I made it." Snuggly said.
"Snuggly? What on earth are you babbling about?" Tony answered.
"You told me to call as soon as I got here... yes, I miss you too."
"Snuggly, is someone holding a gun to your head? If so, say 'We have all the time in the world.'"
"Oh no, darling, no it's not that... oh... yes, yes, the reception here was wonderful, in fact, there was a boat here when I arrived."
"A boat? We didn't send a boat."
"I'm sure you told EVERYONE about the meeting though, didn't you darling?"
"No... erm... well, no, we didn't inform the Italian Government."
"Ok... right, I better get going. I'll speak to you soon, no doubt. See you later! Love you!"
"Talk to you later Snuggly." Tony said, before hanging up.
Snuggly put the phone down, before smiling to the man on hold in the phone box next to him. "I can't go anywhere without the old bat knowing exactly where I am." He smiled again, and walked back to the car.
"Ok kind sir, sail around a bit for a while, I always enjoy the sights in Venice." Snuggly said.
"Aye sir." The man said, and pushed the boat away from the side.
-------
Snuggly walked out from the airport, carrying his suitcase, and breathed in the Italian air. There was a man leaning on a white and red gondala.
"Mr Snuggly?" The man called. "Is your name Mr Snuggly?"
"Maybe", Snuggly said. He pulled out a cigarrete, and lit it. He blew smoke into his face, and scratched his a**e. He walked down to a local newsagent, and bought a newspaper. He walked back to the man, read the entire newspaper, and placed it in a bin not far away. "Who wants to know?"
The man lowered his eyebrows. "The Italian Government has sent me to collect you, to bring you to Meka's apartment where he was staying. It's our token of apprietiation for your quick concern in these matters."
Snuggly looked around. He told the man to put his suitcase in the boat, he was just going to thank the Italian Government for making him feel so welcome.
"There's no need sir, really." The man said. "We're just happy you are here."
"No really, I insist." Snuggly walked away, and reached the phonebox inside the airport. Unfortunatly, there was a man next to him.
He rang up headquarters.
"Hi darling, I made it." Snuggly said.
"Snuggly? What on earth are you babbling about?" Tony answered.
"You told me to call as soon as I got here... yes, I miss you too."
"Snuggly, is someone holding a gun to your head? If so, say 'We have all the time in the world.'"
"Oh no, darling, no it's not that... oh... yes, yes, the reception here was wonderful, in fact, there was a boat here when I arrived."
"A boat? We didn't send a boat."
"I'm sure you told EVERYONE about the meeting though, didn't you darling?"
"No... erm... well, no, we didn't inform the Italian Government."
"Ok... right, I better get going. I'll speak to you soon, no doubt. See you later! Love you!"
"Talk to you later Snuggly." Tony said, before hanging up.
Snuggly put the phone down, before smiling to the man on hold in the phone box next to him. "I can't go anywhere without the old bat knowing exactly where I am." He smiled again, and walked back to the car.
"Ok kind sir, sail around a bit for a while, I always enjoy the sights in Venice." Snuggly said.
"Aye sir." The man said, and pushed the boat away from the side.
Bang.
Snuggly was in his bedroom. Banging.
Bang bang bang.
It hadn’t been long since he had a good bang. In fact, he'd had one this morning.
Bang.
It was kinda rhythmical, Snuggly thought.
Bang bang bang bang bang bang.
Snuggly was great at banging. Everyone that saw him knew it, and even those who hadn't seen him knew it deep down. He would never have risen this high up in the rankings of MI6 if it weren't for his banging ability.
Bang.
It wasn't all as fun as you'd think, though. After all, every bang has consequences, especially if no protection is used. The worst of it was, it wasn't just women that Snuggly had to bang. If he had to, he'd bang men as well.
Bang. Snuggly put his gun down, and coolly *swished* it into his holster. Bet you didn't see that one coming.
---
THE LOCAL SKATEPARK, THAT VERY SAME AFTERNOON
"So…you aren’t allowed to use a skateboard unless you wear one of those hooded tops?"
"That’s the law" said the kid in the hooded top with 'I hate myself and want to die a terrible, terrible death' across the front. "And it's called a hoodie, not hooded top. Only teachers say hooded top".
At the word teachers, every member of the group of kids that surrounded Snuggly spat. Teacher, it seemed, was the enemy.
"Well…where can I find one of these hooded tops? And what exactly do the markings on them mean? Are they your agent number or something?"
"No, they're bands we like. The best ones are the ones that can scream the loudest."
"Well…when I get my hands on that evil female agent, well see who does the screaming."
"Eh?"
"Schorry kid - ask your mother".
With that, Snuggly walked away, having not really advanced the story at all, and having not really done anything funny.
He did have a clear idea of what he wanted for his 'hoodie' though. His faveorite band of all time…
Snuggly was in his bedroom. Banging.
Bang bang bang.
It hadn’t been long since he had a good bang. In fact, he'd had one this morning.
Bang.
It was kinda rhythmical, Snuggly thought.
Bang bang bang bang bang bang.
Snuggly was great at banging. Everyone that saw him knew it, and even those who hadn't seen him knew it deep down. He would never have risen this high up in the rankings of MI6 if it weren't for his banging ability.
Bang.
It wasn't all as fun as you'd think, though. After all, every bang has consequences, especially if no protection is used. The worst of it was, it wasn't just women that Snuggly had to bang. If he had to, he'd bang men as well.
Bang. Snuggly put his gun down, and coolly *swished* it into his holster. Bet you didn't see that one coming.
---
THE LOCAL SKATEPARK, THAT VERY SAME AFTERNOON
"So…you aren’t allowed to use a skateboard unless you wear one of those hooded tops?"
"That’s the law" said the kid in the hooded top with 'I hate myself and want to die a terrible, terrible death' across the front. "And it's called a hoodie, not hooded top. Only teachers say hooded top".
At the word teachers, every member of the group of kids that surrounded Snuggly spat. Teacher, it seemed, was the enemy.
"Well…where can I find one of these hooded tops? And what exactly do the markings on them mean? Are they your agent number or something?"
"No, they're bands we like. The best ones are the ones that can scream the loudest."
"Well…when I get my hands on that evil female agent, well see who does the screaming."
"Eh?"
"Schorry kid - ask your mother".
With that, Snuggly walked away, having not really advanced the story at all, and having not really done anything funny.
He did have a clear idea of what he wanted for his 'hoodie' though. His faveorite band of all time…
Lol at the poo eyebrows thing!
"Sho, Lokish, whatsh havesh you gotsh for me todaysh?" Said Mr Snuggly.
"Stop it, or you won't get anything" replied Loki, with scorn.
"Shorry my good man"
"Snuggly, this is your last warning"
"Okay Loki, no more, it's just that I want to be a really good spy, and want the readers to see me more as a Sean Connery-esque Bond than a Timothy Dalton."
"Well Roger Moore didn't have to talk like that, did he?"
"No, I guess not. Hang on, Roger Moore dressed as a clown in Octopussy."
"Yes, but he's Roger Moore! And Snuggly, stop doing that thing with your eyebrows, you look like you need a poo."
"I do!"
__________________
Moments later Mr Snuggly wanders back into the workshop, with a big grin on his face.
"Anyway loki, what gadgets have you for me for this mission?"
"Firstly" replied Loki "There's this watch, with a powerful magnet that could easily pull your weight Snuggly, just hold on the date button for two seconds to activate it. It also has a self-destruct mechanism, simply pull out the 'alarm' button, and twist it 90 degrees. This will give yuo 3 minutes to get clear. Try not to use it unless you really need to though Snuggly."
"I'll no doubt have a great time with that" said Snugglym, which lead to yet another scornful look from Loki.
"We also have this for you" continued Loki holding up a tube
"It's Anusol?" replied Snuggly
"Ah, no Snuggly, it's simply disguised as Anusol. It actually contains a plastic explosive, simply sqeeze out a small amount onto the surface you wish to blow up, and the rest is simple, just don't stand too close."
"I'm sure it'll cause someone a pain in the bum, actually, no it's sure to do piles of damage, that's better." said Snuggly with a smile. Loki's scornful glare reappeared.
"What about a vehicle, I'll need a top of the range sports car, won't I?" asked Snuggly, opening a door through which he hoped to find a garage, but to his dismay he simply saw dozens of people firing guns at each other, whilst dancing to Jazz music.
"Nothing for you in there Snuggly" said Loki, pulling the door closed.
"We'll have a car ready for you in Venice, but we also have another mode of transport for you, should you need it, and it folds down to fit inside your jacket."
"Good God no!"
"Yes, it's an extendable skateboard"
"How am I supposed to act like a spy, on a skateboard?"
"Listen Snuggly, this could well save your life. Press this button on the left to activate the booster rockets if you need a quick getaway, there's also front and rear guns which can be fired with the buttons at the front and back, and that final button, that activates the smokescreen."
"That's sure to help me es-'skate'" quipped Snuggly.
"Just get out of here, and try not to break everything!"
Loki smiled as Snuggly left, he always found his puns incredibly amusing, but to let Snuggly know that would give his ego a further boost, and that was the one thing that Mr Snuggly really didn't need.
"Stop it, or you won't get anything" replied Loki, with scorn.
"Shorry my good man"
"Snuggly, this is your last warning"
"Okay Loki, no more, it's just that I want to be a really good spy, and want the readers to see me more as a Sean Connery-esque Bond than a Timothy Dalton."
"Well Roger Moore didn't have to talk like that, did he?"
"No, I guess not. Hang on, Roger Moore dressed as a clown in Octopussy."
"Yes, but he's Roger Moore! And Snuggly, stop doing that thing with your eyebrows, you look like you need a poo."
"I do!"
__________________
Moments later Mr Snuggly wanders back into the workshop, with a big grin on his face.
"Anyway loki, what gadgets have you for me for this mission?"
"Firstly" replied Loki "There's this watch, with a powerful magnet that could easily pull your weight Snuggly, just hold on the date button for two seconds to activate it. It also has a self-destruct mechanism, simply pull out the 'alarm' button, and twist it 90 degrees. This will give yuo 3 minutes to get clear. Try not to use it unless you really need to though Snuggly."
"I'll no doubt have a great time with that" said Snugglym, which lead to yet another scornful look from Loki.
"We also have this for you" continued Loki holding up a tube
"It's Anusol?" replied Snuggly
"Ah, no Snuggly, it's simply disguised as Anusol. It actually contains a plastic explosive, simply sqeeze out a small amount onto the surface you wish to blow up, and the rest is simple, just don't stand too close."
"I'm sure it'll cause someone a pain in the bum, actually, no it's sure to do piles of damage, that's better." said Snuggly with a smile. Loki's scornful glare reappeared.
"What about a vehicle, I'll need a top of the range sports car, won't I?" asked Snuggly, opening a door through which he hoped to find a garage, but to his dismay he simply saw dozens of people firing guns at each other, whilst dancing to Jazz music.
"Nothing for you in there Snuggly" said Loki, pulling the door closed.
"We'll have a car ready for you in Venice, but we also have another mode of transport for you, should you need it, and it folds down to fit inside your jacket."
"Good God no!"
"Yes, it's an extendable skateboard"
"How am I supposed to act like a spy, on a skateboard?"
"Listen Snuggly, this could well save your life. Press this button on the left to activate the booster rockets if you need a quick getaway, there's also front and rear guns which can be fired with the buttons at the front and back, and that final button, that activates the smokescreen."
"That's sure to help me es-'skate'" quipped Snuggly.
"Just get out of here, and try not to break everything!"
Loki smiled as Snuggly left, he always found his puns incredibly amusing, but to let Snuggly know that would give his ego a further boost, and that was the one thing that Mr Snuggly really didn't need.
An interesting take on the James Bond style, i like it.
Yup, and yup.
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